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Old 09-08-2012, 07:46 PM
theopol theopol is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 7
Default Theoretically polyamorous and married to a monogomist

So ...

I recently discovered the word Polyamory, and found myself to really identify with it. I am most straight but bi-curious, and ... married to a true monogomist.

Both of us recently had a few "poly experiences" with a couple of friends. They stayed over, spent the night in bed with us, and fooled around a bit ... nothing serious. It was, I think, the first poly experience for them as well.

It was so wonderful for me. For my wife, the fooling around part was ok ... but when afterwards I started having long conversations with the woman from the other couple ... my wife got jealous. The one reason that I allowed myself to check my romantic boundaries is that my wife and the man from the other couple had somewhat of a mutual crush a few years ago.

They both tried to contain it at the time, and I remember being jealous of her and disliking him. The thing is ... now, when I started talking to the woman, I thought it would be ok ... I even sent my wife a few links on Polyamory and Compersion, and thought she was accepting of it, given our playful bedtime experience.

Now ... my wife says it's too much, and wants me to cut all ties with them, or at least with her. We've had a good number of long talks on this, and I understand where she's coming from. She's really afraid of losing me, or losing my love for her. When I tell her that the feelings I feel towards the "new woman" (too soon to call it love ... let's say infatuation and excitement) are replacing feelings I have towards my wife. I disagree ... but this is how she feels. What is certain is that I devoted a lot of my time to talks with the new woman, and not so much time to my wife lately (who is super busy in her work anyway, and usually doesn't have time for me these days).

As much as it will pain my wife to read it ... I really miss the new woman. I want to keep both ... and I just know I can't. I would settle for keeping the new woman as a platonic friend ... only it's a bit difficult to define the borders, once they have been crossed. I know my wife will be in pain if I communicate with the new woman, so I don't ... I promised to my wife that I will respect her wishes on this, and I intend to keep my promise.

This is not a "what should I do now" post - I know what I should do, and that is keep my marriage. While the thought of divorcing my monogomist wife and "leading a truly polyamorous life" has crossed my mind, it is not what I want right now.

I just wanted to share my experience with you, and join in to talk about this issue and polyamory in general. I can't really talk about these issues a lot in real life ... my wife and I only talked to one or two other people about it, and so far we're keeping it this way. I'm sure many of you have experienced something similar. Anyone care to share their perspective?
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marriage, marriage vs. polyamory, monogamous partner, monogamy

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