Huge Problem likely Small Issue for your veterans, please help

[CielDuMatin]

Originally Posted by lolalondon

But I will add this: it seems to that Evan is a essentially a polygamist, not a polyamorist. Nothing wrong with that, but it is different.

I am curious as to what you see as the distinction.

My understanding is that polygamy is marrying more than one, a "plural marriage". This include polygyny (one man, many women married to that man) and polyandry (one woman, many men married to the woman).

Polyamory is loving more than one. There are no subtypes based gender, since they all get lumped into the same thing.

So based on my understanding, since he is not looking to marry any of the women, and since there is a requirement that love be involved, it falls under polyamory for me.

Is your understanding of the definitions different?

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

PolyPhonic, part of the problem I see here is that your background, upbringing and lifestyle are so fundamentally different from nearly everyone on here (and most of society). As a consequence your paradigms, based on your life experiences, are very very different from others here. Some of the things that are, in your experience, completely natural and normal are triggers for others. Some of what you are seeing is this mismatch of paradigms, and have generated hostile reactions. Some of these reactions may well seem quite foreign to you - you may not realise why people are reacting so vehemently to the things you are saying.

I know what you mean, but I don't really think so. And I mean that from a place of considering what you said from the outside looking in. I grew up in Orange County the son of a widowed mother, with one sister. After mom remarried when I was 8, that brought in two step-sisters. I learned to live very comfortably around girl power, with my 3 sisters and my mom around me all the time while step-dad worked. We struggled to get by and lived in an apartment for years in a small beach town. I went to public school with regular kids, mostly hispanic and grew up non-racist to the point of defending my friends when they faced prejudice. I was treated special by my mom, because of my talents, gifts, and IQ, but I rejected being treated like that opting for being the same as everyone else. I could have went the route of MIT and trying for a Nobel Prize, but my passion for music and psychology led me to writing music for movies. I led a pretty typical life with friends I didn't choose necessarily. Good people from all walks of the lower-middle class. My first wife was from Michigan, a very typical mid-westerner and we'd spend ample time together in Michigan with her various family in Chicago as well.

The fact that I now live on an island in the Caribbean, a common fantasy, is simply because I was daring enough to try. I have friends who want to do the same, and I tell them how easy it is, and they are surprised. They thought they had to become millionaires to have such a dream come true. But you can live like a King here, in a mansion, for less than $2k a month. That is very typical of most retirements in the Caribbean. When they hear that, they're view of me being so different from them disappears and doing what I'm doing is not so far from their reach. It just so happens that I work over the internet, in an industry where I get income for the rest of my life for the hours I put in. It also just so happens that I worked 120+ hours a week for 10 years to get here. I don't think any of my path has been all that different than anyone else's. I've been through pretty much the same kinds of social experiences.

I've had to endure a couple of tragedies, but I was smarter than to get too emotional about them and let it consume me, and instead continued on with my life. I really don't think I'm all too different than any other person in California where I was raised. Maybe people in California are "so different" than the rest of the USA? But 1 in 10 people in the United States of America lives in California, so I think being 1 of 10 people really can't make me that many different degrees of separation difference between the rest of us all.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

I am curious as to what you see as the distinction.

My understanding is that polygamy is marrying more than one, a "plural marriage". This include polygyny (one man, many women married to that man) and polyandry (one woman, many men married to the woman).

Polyamory is loving more than one. There are no subtypes based gender, since they all get lumped into the same thing.

So based on my understanding, since he is not looking to marry any of the women, and since there is a requirement that love be involved, it falls under polyamory for me.

Is your understanding of the definitions different?

You know what, I am getting to the point that maybe I am too. But I'm heading out the door (snorkeling at the reef beckons), so I'll explore this when I come back. I really feel I am a Polyamorist, just that I am not setup to be egalitarian like most working women working man relationships.

[redpepper]

This thread is now closed to be reviewed by the mods. Upon review it may or may not be re-opened. Please take your discussion to PM or move on.

[redpepper]

This thread is now open.

It has been moved to the blog section so that the author can continue his writing on it with minimum input if he wishes. The mod staff expect that there will be civil conduct here. If you wish to discuss the issues raised in this thread further I suggest that you take them up with the OP via PM.

Thank you for your patience.