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  #201  
Old 09-07-2012, 10:06 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Another thing about my own behavior here on the forum as interpreted by others who have been here for a long time: This is new to me. And I think it's probably within reason that part of opening up can be opening up too much. Overextending ideas. Seeing what happens when you embrace ideas that are new to you or that you thought of, only to find out you get bit back. Part of the growth process I would think.
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  #202  
Old 09-07-2012, 10:38 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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That would be a different forum. Here we talk about love, sex, relationships, poly, etc. But I guess you could open a dialogue up on how Philanthropy compares to the concept of Compersion. If you even care to be serious on this forum. That might be worth discussing, instead of sarcastic cliffhangers.

Who died and made you a moderator here?

You should start your own forum for rich white men who want to start harems of poor local girls in small third-world countries. Then you can be in complete control and any men who don't agree with you can be turned away. Young Latin women will be encouraged to stay.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-07-2012 at 10:41 PM.
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  #203  
Old 09-07-2012, 11:12 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Who died and made you a moderator here?
It's just called having a clue.
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  #204  
Old 09-07-2012, 11:29 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Who died and made you a moderator here?
FORUM GUIDELINES:
"These discussion boards were founded to provide space for all manner of discussion about polyamory"

"The founder and moderation staff hope that site members can find kindred souls to offer support and insight in a civil and possibly friendly, caring fashion"


You're free to continue disrespecting their wishes. I have no problem with you as a person. Only that you are disappointing me, them, and other people here who wish to make this an informative place for the Poly community. I am only making suggestions to you to honor the privilege of being a member here by following their wishes. If not, don't blame me when people such as myself tell you you are off topic, rude, uncaring, and other things the moderators themselves might tell you if they had to take the time to intervene.
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  #205  
Old 09-07-2012, 11:30 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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It's just called having a clue.
I think you should go watch more Showtime, HBO, and Pay Per View. It's what you seem to have a clue about.

Don't worry about the moderators, they're capable of handling this place without any help from you. They do not need you to keep people in "the zone". Save that for your den of girls.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-07-2012 at 11:34 PM.
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  #206  
Old 09-07-2012, 11:43 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Any chance we could quit the fighting and talk about the issues? BoringGuy I find that you are being extremely confrontational, and I would appreciate it if you either contributed to discussing the issues at hand or stay away from the thread, if it triggers you so badly.

This forum IS about polyamory, which includes love and relationships, and is not about folks' philanthropic activities, unless somehow relevant. Nobody died and made anybody new moderator - discussion of relationships of all types is what the forum is for. Could we have a little less combativeness, please?

PolyPhonic, part of the problem I see here is that your background, upbringing and lifestyle are so fundamentally different from nearly everyone on here (and most of society). As a consequence your paradigms, based on your life experiences, are very very different from others here. Some of the things that are, in your experience, completely natural and normal are triggers for others. Some of what you are seeing is this mismatch of paradigms, and have generated hostile reactions. Some of these reactions may well seem quite foreign to you - you may not realise why people are reacting so vehemently to the things you are saying.

The type of poly that you are looking for is not egalitarian - the dynamic is very much you as a leader, and having folks that are willing to acknowledge that and be happy living that way. There is a lot of emphasis on most poly fora on more egalitarian forms. These two are in conflict here.

I am doing my best to try to put myself in your shoes, given my limited experience with your style of life, trying to look at what you are thinking of through a different set of eyes. Trying to give you an outside perspective without judging you. Nobody has walked a mile in your shoes - while some may see privilege as a unadulterated good life with no concerns, I know that often this is very far from the truth.

I think that the only other major thing that I want to touch on right now is the issue of the children. Children tend to do best with a stable home life. Stability doesn't have to be one man and one woman, of course - it can be any combination of any gender. But a revolving cast of characters at home can be exceedingly disruptive to a child, especially if they witness the associated drama and other arguments. While you and your amours may well have a choice to be there, the children don't. I think that you have a responsibility to consider this in your decision-making as well.

I welcome your comments on this and other posts I have made.
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  #207  
Old 09-08-2012, 12:19 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Any chance we could quit the fighting and talk about the issues? BoringGuy I find that you are being extremely confrontational, and I would appreciate it if you either contributed to discussing the issues at hand or stay away from the thread, if it triggers you so badly.
"do things my way and I'll feed you and buy you things, or you can leave and I won't buy you things anymore" seems to be "triggering" other people besides myself. I don't see you telling those other people to stop saying what's on their minds. So, request denied.


Quote:
This forum IS about polyamory, which includes love and relationships, and is not about folks' philanthropic activities, unless somehow relevant. Nobody died and made anybody new moderator - discussion of relationships of all types is what the forum is for. Could we have a little less combativeness, please?
Request denied. This is not a blog thread. Evan has been advised that if he wants to pontificate without subjecting himself to critique, he should start a blog thread. He has ignored that advice, which is his prerogative, but it doesn't change the reality.

Also, Evan was the one who brought up orphan homeless boys not knowing what/who Andy Warhol is/was when NYCindie was commenting on his statement about "merging with a cultured westerner". So, don't give me crap about being "off topic". thanks anyway.

Evan has been asked many things in this thread and has been given civilized, thoughtful commentary which he has ignored or written off as "bullying" because it doesn't agree with his fantasy. He has cherry-picked the comments to suit his agenda. I fail to see how that is my problem. It is NOT my problem.

I can take care of myself and own my own words, thank you very much.
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  #208  
Old 09-08-2012, 12:26 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
I think that the only other major thing that I want to touch on right now is the issue of the children. Children tend to do best with a stable home life. Stability doesn't have to be one man and one woman, of course - it can be any combination of any gender. But a revolving cast of characters at home can be exceedingly disruptive to a child, especially if they witness the associated drama and other arguments. While you and your amours may well have a choice to be there, the children don't. I think that you have a responsibility to consider this in your decision-making as well.
I asked him this way at the beginning of this thread and even apologized if i came across as offensive and judgmental. Evan answered with a detailed list of relationships he's had with women throughout his life. This is one example of the evasiveness and "cherry-picking" that I referred to in my previous post.

To me, Evan seems very narcissistic and really seems to believe he has other people's best interest in mind, when to many of us he's just another guy who thinks money can buy love. That is what is "triggering" people on this forum.

ETA: and it's frightening that there are at least seven people who are being raised to believe that this is a healthy way to relate to other human beings. Am I still being insensitive and uncaring?

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-08-2012 at 12:28 AM.
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  #209  
Old 09-08-2012, 01:37 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Several trains of thought on this:

1. PolyPhonic's way of life =/= your average Jane Poly's way of life. I have had to get my head around this, since mine is... well, I'm probably not going to make it to any islands anytime soon.

2. What we prioritize =/= what the women in PolyPhonic's dating pool may prioritize. I wouldn't enter the type of arrangement PolyPhonic proposes unless the man in question were gay and looking for a beard; that said, I am also a bit proud, and was raised by a socialist feminist German living in America and her ex-GI husband. Needless to say, I have not got enough in common with a Caracole to understand her motives except biological sex.

3. There is a difference between a firm approach and a mean one. Allow me to assure BoringGuy that I have not fallen into anyone's thrall and can, in fact, think of the children -- they are the ones who do not get to choose what their parents do. In fact, I have asked PolyPhonic to consider them before anyone else, in PM. I am a failure as an ethical non-monogamist if I do not, firmly but calmly, raise questions regarding ethics. I am not a failure if I am able to see, at least, that this too falls under the umbrella. I am able to do that without lapsing into confrontation; I lost my temper, again in PM, because I thought something was going on that wasn't. Aggression seems needless in this case and pointless besides; PolyPhonic does not appear inclined to listen to aggression.

He's not Daffodil, all right? He's not spouting hate like "she" was ("she" turned out to be a troll account). NaivetÚ, perhaps, but hate? Which in any event is never quelled by more hate.
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  #210  
Old 09-08-2012, 02:22 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Serious question - you are of the opinion that when he said his wife was "cock-blocking" him, then followed up with an explanation that what he meant by it was that she was preventing him from getting something he wants - that was because of naivete and living on an island? That's what you believe? Because Evan was not raised on this Island. He was raised in the US, and spent quite a bit of time in Hollywood, according to his own account in this here very thread. They only moved to the island like two years ago, or recently than that. How do you account for this "island culture" shaping his views? I think he is just clueless, or pretending to be clueless.

Also, Love from Girl, I wasn't worried about you being in anyone's "thrall" (I couldn't have used that word because I don't even know what it means, although I'll go look it up right after I'm done writing this) or you "not thinking of the children". I'm not sure where you got that from.

ETA: From Wiki: Thrall (Old Norse ■rŠll) was the term for a serf or unfree servant in Scandinavian culture during the Viking Age.

Excellent. I've added a new word to my vocabulary.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-08-2012 at 02:26 AM.
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