Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2012, 04:51 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and life is unpredictable. I love easily and I think that what I most appreciate about polyamory, and benefit from, is the ability to create loving relationships on my own terms. I don't have to squeeze my relationships to fit into narrow parameters in order to match what society expects from me.

I never played that game well. I was a high school dropout at 17, lived on my own since I was 19, did whatever I wanted with my life and never cared what family thought, was single (and anti-marriage) until I met my ex, got married at 39, always childfree by choice, always rebellious. Still, I was basically booted from my role of Wife, because I didn't fit my husband's expectations. Since embracing polyamory I now get to say, "No more roles for me." I am creating the life I want.

Of course, one can be deliriously happy in a monogamous partnership -- I know that even I can -- but it's all the expectation placed on that sort of partnership that can be hard to overcome. So, for now and into the foreseeable future, practicing polyamory satisfies this need I have to be free to choose and create what I want my life to be, and to love without reservation, in an ethical, honest way. It makes me happy that I can do this, and just feels right for me.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 07:59 PM
lovefromgirl's Avatar
lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

Not so much lifestyle-affirming as simply wonderful: this man, this glorious man who the world probably thinks is the worst possible match for me, has treated me with more respect, love, and kindness than any other person I have been with. And he wants me to be able to find that with someone else simultaneously! Double the awesome, none of the possessive crap. Works for me.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 09:12 PM
Fiona Fiona is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 57

The Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness thread (posted above) is delightful and contains lots of happy stuff.

For me, loving and being in relationships with two wonderful people at once has been amazing. I've grown so much as a person in the last few years, much of it as a direct result of that. I'm better at communicating, more responsible for my own feelings/actions, and more patient and kind, I think.

Plus, I have so much love and support...I feel very lucky.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2012, 10:52 AM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 106

Well our quad has progressed even more. Out of the last month I have slept with my GF more than my wife, in fact we are now hanging together so much that we are talking about moving the 2 households into one.the ladies now talk about being sister wives and the guys are doing more things together. We only live a 5 minute walk apart from each other right now.

As a fourple we have learned that we cando so much more together but even more we are happier as a fourple, arguments die quicker, and laughter starts faster. We get together and talk laugh and have a general wonderfult time. Not to mention the sex is fantastic. We will be celebrating 4 years together soon.

Yes polyamory can work just fine.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2012, 06:01 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 103

I have to say the best and most unexpected bonus from becoming poly is finally having met a couple we get along with who have a kiddo near the age of ours. We were able to get all the kids together a lot this weekend and it was great seeing them all so happy!
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.
Reply With Quote
Old 04-29-2012, 07:16 AM
urmila urmila is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: chennai, India
Posts: 56

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I'm someone who desperately needs the feeling of having possibilities, of going down new paths and exploring things. Poly offers the possibility of multiple partners in an ethical way, which is very important to me. I have the possibility of all these new options, structures, growth, learning. If I don't have the options of exploring, doing new things, I get very psychically trapped which is very bad for me and for people around me.

I have not yet managed to have multiple loving relationships at once so I don't consider myself as 'doing' poly yet but rather I have the potential to do so.

Poly as opening up new possibilties, even if I never actually have a poly relationship, is worthwhile for me. it helps keep that trapped feeling at bay.
First and foremost, you have to be in love with somebody, (more than one,) only then u will know for sure that u r polyamorous by nature and that too after the NRE efect has wornout
Reply With Quote
Old 05-24-2012, 12:44 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Lately I've tried to cut back on poly-related reading, and I've just been living life. I've had regular skype dates with Mya, and she will fly here to see me in couple of weeks. Alec has had a few days off work here and there, and we've been able to hang out together a lot. We've been getting along really well lately; there seems to be a balance of time allocation that is working for me (possibly due to me having more free time and less stress at the moment). It's all good.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2012, 01:41 PM
loveboston's Avatar
loveboston loveboston is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: California
Posts: 89
Default Pathology

My wifeís first marriage was effectively ended 20 years ago when she had a relationship with her husbandís best friend. Her husband was physically and emotionally abusive. Her husbandís friend tried to rescue her. Her affair proved her husbandís worst fears and ultimately led to a divorce.

15 years ago, when I started dating my wife she told me about her affair. It was evident that she was madly in love with her ex-husbandís best friend. I had never heard a more intense, passionate love story.

5 years later, a week after we were married lo and behold her former lover showed up on our door step. I wish I could paint a picture of the two of them levitating, lost in love staring at each other. He wanted to know where my wifeís ex-husband lived. My wife offered to show him and with my permission off they went in his white, Camaro convertible.

My wife returned an hour later. She told me her bff wanted to hand deliver a letter of apology to her ex-husband. She was extremely embarrassed and told me she didnít know what came over her and felt extreme guilt about still being attracted to another man.

4 weeks later her lover died. He had come to our house to say his final goodbyes and request for forgiveness from my wife and her ex.

It was at that moment in our relationship that my wife and I realized we were not monogamous and we would never prevent each other from loving someone else.

We have righted many of the wrongs we both committed in our first marriages because of gross dishonesty to our spouses. We have an open marriage in the most positive sense. We share our thoughts and feelings about everything, especially about who we love.

Our rule is that if we canít reach an agreement on a major issue we go to our therapist and counselor to reach a compromise. This rule has served us well for the past 10 years.

I did intense research on the subject of open marriage. Coming from a strict Baptist background and a less than perfect childhood I was almost certain our acceptance of others in our lives was evidence of pathology.

Iíve come to the conclusion that the pathology is hiding the fact that we love and desire being loved in return from a variety of people.

For the past four years my wife has had a fantastic relationship with a man who she adores. He came along at a perfect time. Because he loves and cares for my wife he is one of my best friends.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2012, 02:55 PM
loveboston's Avatar
loveboston loveboston is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: California
Posts: 89
Default The importance of play

I've really enjoy having this forum as a resource. Our counselor is the only person who we talk in depth with about having an open marriage. There is so much to learn and understand.

This particular thread is my favorite so far. So many of the situations going on in the world at large and in the world of polyamory are very troubling, filled with drama that to me defies the purpose of having loving friendships.

Recently I've learned that play is extremely important to prevent all sorts of emotional and physical disorders. I'm 64 and I'm very interested in staying healthy.

In my primary relationship with my wife there are many serious issues that we have to deal with on a daily basis. We are playful with each other but there is no doubt that our relationship at times is dominated by the serious business of making a living and coping with each others children.

Although my wife and I are very playful with each other we don't play the same type of games. She is extroverted and I'm an introvert.

We knew that she wanted to do extroverted play things that I loathed. We were left with the conflict that I'd have to learn to enjoy her games whether I enjoyed them or not.

We decided that instead we would pray that she would find a friend who she would enjoy playing with. The prayers were answered and she now has a friendship that is built entirely around their enjoyment to play together.

I've determined that this need to have play mates is actually very serious to our well-being.

An inability to play is an indicator that has to be explored.

The importance of the pursuit of play is more good reason to believe that what we're doing is perhaps a healthier life style than we realize.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2012, 04:48 PM
km34 km34 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624

I officially had a "we're dating, right?" conversation without it being too terribly awkward! Woohoo!

I think I've actually learned something from all of the craziness that was my most recent relationship and reading all the stories on here. Most definitely a success in my book.
Reply With Quote

family, happiness, happy, hope, living situation, living together, love, moving in, open poly relationships, poly fi, success, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:42 PM.