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  #501  
Old 09-02-2012, 05:58 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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You are such a beautiful soul Annabel. Sounds like you are facing up to your own challenges with lots of grace, and working hard to express yourself.
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  #502  
Old 09-03-2012, 08:06 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Thanks for the commiseration and kind words, friends.

I got away for a few days this weekend and tried to focus on other things. I still thought of Gia frequently, she's a fixture in my mind and heart, but I did my best not to ruminate. This morning she sent me an email just saying that she missed me and wanted me to know. <3 <3 <3

She also posted something on tumblr, musing about how she wants a new sexual partner, at least in the short term, even though she knows it's impractical right now, because she thinks she'll be able to more confidently express her dominant side in a situation where the other person has no other context for her, no preconceptions. She sees it as a growth thing. I still have some insecurities around it, around her having enough time for me, but I'm able to see clearly how silly this is. I wouldn't begrudge her a new friend. And Eric doesn't begrudge me her time and energy, he trusts her to give him what she can. I can't love her and seek to limit her, she deserves more than that.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #503  
Old 09-03-2012, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I wouldn't begrudge her a new friend. And Eric doesn't begrudge me her time and energy, he trusts her to give him what she can. I can't love her and seek to limit her, she deserves more than that.
Oh, you worded this so beautifully. I'm going to strive to remember it for myself... perhaps this is the true meaning of the phrase "love without limits."
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  #504  
Old 09-07-2012, 03:27 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Dude why argh.

*sigh*

I'm not going to go into the whole story, but basically Eric's FWB, Liza, is an untrustworthy, sketchy drama queen. She hasn't directed any of her sketch at him specifically yet, and maybe she never will, but why wait for it???

Gia and I talked about it, she's unhappy about the situation but is willing to let him make his own mistakes as long as he maintains tight personal boundaries, uses protection unfailingly, and doesn't have her over the house. There's no reason whatsoever to think that he won't follow these guidelines perfectly, but I'm still not cool with it.

You shouldn't fuck a scorpion.

It straight up makes me lose some respect for him, that he's so lacking in personal standards. It makes me feel like intimacy means nothing to him, if he's willing to share it with someone he has no reason to respect or trust. And y'know what, I know I'm right, I know it's just fucking to him, and that thought makes me unhappy. Why? Because when we have sex, it's more than just fucking to me, and I have no reason to think that it means anything to him, and to be reminded that he's perfectly happy for sex to mean nothing, it just, it doesn't make me fucking happy. A meaningless one-night-stand, fine. But to see someone on an ongoing basis, I don't get how you can want to continue it unless there's some resonance there. We're just built differently, I guess. Or maybe he does find resonance and connection with her, somehow.

I just don't know, dude. I was going to ask Davis and Gia, in turn, how they would feel about me and Eric hooking up on our own, but I'm not even sure I want to now.

I haven't said anything to Eric about Liza. Not sure if I should. On the one hand, as a friend, I think he's making a mistake. On the other hand, I wouldn't be telling him anything he doesn't already know, so he's obviously ok with things. Plus, people can get really touchy about other people criticizing their choice in partners, and I don't think he would appreciate it. Like, I get the feeling on occasion that he doesn't necessarily like Davis (I could be wrong, he could be indifferent), but he's never said anything about it, I think he would consider it rude and overreaching to do so. If I feel that strongly that his partner choice isn't acceptable to me, I can always just choose to not be intimate with him and explain if he asks. My preference, of course, would just be to straightforwardly tell him what I think, but he's just so fucking closed off about so many things and keeping a chill relationship with him is important to me.

Idek. What the hell is he thinking?
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #505  
Old 09-08-2012, 05:35 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I have spent way too much of my precious life moping over gorgeous-but-dickish guys who are able to share their bodies but not their hearts with me. Eric is the obvious current example. Ziggy, my ex, was another, and I can think of two other excellent examples from my past.

I've sighed and cried and ruminated over these men, responded eagerly to their every text or chat or email, hoped against hope that time and desire would bring us closer. And while I may have had some great sex with them and shared some fun times, the moping never brought one single positive thing into my life, and none of them ever got out of bed one morning and said "Wow, wait, all this time I'd been having fun with Anna as a FWB but suddenly it's so much more than that, I love her!"

Letting myself stay hung up on these guys for far too long is a really bad habit, and I need to cut it out. They feel what they feel, and once I've ascertained as clearly as possible that they're not looking for more from me, it's just kind of pathetic to stay focused on it. Grow up, move on, get over it
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  #506  
Old 09-08-2012, 07:19 AM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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go Anna!! xx
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  #507  
Old 09-08-2012, 10:24 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I've sighed and cried and ruminated over these men, responded eagerly to their every text or chat or email, hoped against hope that time and desire would bring us closer. And while I may have had some great sex with them and shared some fun times, the moping never brought one single positive thing into my life, and none of them ever got out of bed one morning and said "Wow, wait, all this time I'd been having fun with Anna as a FWB but suddenly it's so much more than that, I love her!"

Letting myself stay hung up on these guys for far too long is a really bad habit, and I need to cut it out. They feel what they feel, and once I've ascertained as clearly as possible that they're not looking for more from me, it's just kind of pathetic to stay focused on it. Grow up, move on, get over it
Ugh, this IS good stuff to remember. I have to keep this in mind in my relationships, too. As much as I truly do have enough on my plate and a good situation that brings me satisfaction in numerous ways, I sometimes fall victim to my little-girl daydreamy wishes for "more."

The here and now is so rich and full of life, I have to keep bringing myself back to the present and appreciating what I have instead of focusing on what I don't have and feeling like something is missing! Always good to be reminded of that!
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"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 08:09 AM.
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  #508  
Old 09-09-2012, 02:06 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Gia and I have our date Tuesday night. I may have bought a new outfit for it (I needed some nice new clothes anyway!) that may perfectly match the necklace she made for me, which I plan to wear (a complete coincidence!). I may be really excited (I totally, totally am). I have a gift certificate for the restaurant we're going to, so I can tell her that she can order absolutely anything she wants without her feeling guilty.

We're going to meet up there right after work, so there should be at *least* an hour or so left afterwards to chill at my place. ..........my new outfit, incidentally, may include lacy underwear.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #509  
Old 09-10-2012, 08:20 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Yay! I'm so excited for you
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  #510  
Old 09-12-2012, 06:03 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Last night, I cleaned my room, set out some fresh candles. This morning, I dressed sharply, put on a couple of touches of makeup (I *never* do makeup) and perfume.

We had a plan to meet at a city park, eat at a downtown restaurant, then go back to my place.

Mid-afternoon, Gia messaged me to let me know that, due to some logistical snafus, she needed to pick Bee up right after work, and Eric wouldn't be home to take over watching him until a couple of hours after that. I surprised myself a little by not being put out by the news. I knew that she still wanted to see me, and that this was an unavoidable annoyance, like so many in her life. This is part of being a parent. We would make it work. Though we didn't have much time to talk, it sounded like the plan had shifted to cooking at her place.

I gave her a ride to the daycare, and there we decided to try going to a restaurant after all, with Bee with us. I found an upscale place nearby on my phone, and we gave it a go. Bee was GREAT, thank gods. He sat in his little high chair between us and ate bits of fruit and played with his toys and mostly actually let us focus on eating and talking to each other, it was a minor miracle.

There was a candle on the table (well away from the baby, of course).

We even managed to get in dessert and coffee, by which time Bee was beginning to fuss. We hurried home to find that Eric had just gotten in. Bee had fallen asleep in his carseat, so Eric just got into the car and took him away to visit with friends right away, leaving Gia and I alone.

She sat at her computer desk. I knelt at her feet and laid my head in my lap. She put on some music and sang along softly as she played with my hair. It was one of those timeless moments where you're not thinking about anything, just existing, content, perfect.

Then we retreated to her room and closed the door. We cuddled and talked. We heard Eric come home, but we didn't leave the room. I wasn't sure if anything would happen. She seemed a little hesitant, caught up in what I can now recognize as her anxiety. I was perfectly ok with just being close and affectionate together, but I did want very much to touch her. I asked her gentle questions. Once I was sure it was ok, I ran my hands over her clothed limbs, then started massaging her shoulders, her feet, then between her legs. To sum up, things got sexy and it was aaaaawesoooome. When I touched her, it turned me on so much that it was almost like touching myself, it was crazy.

Afterwards, I asked Gia if she'd mind if I slept with Eric one-on-one sometime. She assured me, her face and voice very warm and sincere, that that would be fine with her (makes me feel silly for assuming it probably wouldn't be for so long!). Then she poked her head out of the room. Bee was still sleeping in his carseat, Eric had brought it in and set it on the floor. After quickly checking with me, she invited him to join us. EVEN SEXIER TIMES ENSUED. This time, rather than a minor miracle, I'd have to classify it as a regular, full-blown miracle -- Bee stayed sleeping, and the three of us got to enjoy ourselves to our hearts' content. I still have a crick in my neck from the angle we were using at one point, though.

Eric and I left the room before Gia did, and I took the opportunity to quietly thank him for the time with her. I mean, really -- he'd worked a LONG day, came home late, rushed back out after barely saying hello to his wife, had barely even had a bite to eat by the time he got BACK to his home, and he just gave us all the space and time we needed... until we wanted him, of course. It's not like I haven't paid my dues in this relationship, but it's much easier for me to give. I'm not exhausted and broke and stressed on a daily basis the way they are, the way he is. He really is a good metamour (not to mention *excellent* in the sack).

I left feeling utterly satisfied, relaxed, loved, in love, and calm about the future.
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