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  #11  
Old 12-10-2009, 12:49 PM
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You three are truly a beacon of light. Thank you for your presence here and all your inspirational sharing.
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  #12  
Old 12-10-2009, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I think you would do just fine with your husband...he's great! If I wasn't so straight and mono
(Uh, no I wouldn't... I love you how you are silly man! Too much has happened and I am way too in love with you both to separate you... it would be like losing half of you both... couldn't do it, well would cause of the boy, but not happily)

Thanks Damncat. Not trying to be anything but more myself. It's nice to know that that is okay here though.
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  #13  
Old 12-10-2009, 10:40 PM
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You three are truly a beacon of light. Thank you for your presence here and all your inspirational sharing.
Thanks Damcat...I'm no poster boy for poly but we sure have found something between the three of us. So many things came together that I still get overwhelmed by how unlikeky and yet how natural our fit feels.

Take care
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  #14  
Old 12-10-2009, 11:23 PM
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I have a husband and now a boyfriend, Mono, that I consider equal as far as significant others... Mono coming into my life has changed my relationship dynamic with my husband and our family.

It seems when a new person enters a poly relationship that it is as if the relationship between the two (or more) that were already there goes through a period of time where they are starting all over again... get to know each other all over again in terms of another being a part of the dynamic.

The feelings I had at the beginning of my relationship with my husband started again at the same time as I went through the beginning stages of my relationship with Mono.

I remember looking at my husband and wondering intently what he was thinking and going through, how he saw himself in our relationship and what his roll now was in my life. I wondered how much he loved me and our sex life changed as I rediscovered things I like and new things I like. We adjusted our time together to incorporate a new person and everything between us just seemed new... as it does when a new relationship starts.

Now, on the dawn of a year of being together all three of us I find it hard to separate the two of them in my mind. They make up one whole relationship to me... much like having roommates for a year. The thought of either of them going just doesn't fit. The whole thing would collapse without three. I doubt I can go back to it just being my husband and I and I can't see being with Mono without my husband.

Anyone else have any thoughts on that, those of you who have established long term poly relationships?
YES. I can't elaborate right now-gotta go get on heat.
But I will later.
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  #15  
Old 12-11-2009, 06:53 AM
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It seems when a new person enters a poly relationship that it is as if the relationship between the two (or more) that were already there goes through a period of time where they are starting all over again... get to know each other all over again in terms of another being a part of the dynamic.

The feelings I had at the beginning of my relationship with my husband started again at the same time as I went through the beginning stages of my relationship with Mono.

I remember looking at my husband and wondering intently what he was thinking and going through, how he saw himself in our relationship and what his roll now was in my life. I wondered how much he loved me and our sex life changed as I rediscovered things I like and new things I like. We adjusted our time together to incorporate a new person and everything between us just seemed new... as it does when a new relationship starts.
Yes, I know it's been bizarre reading about everyone's "NRE" because I'm not really there-in that way.
When I told Maca I was poly and that our relationship was changing, I fully expected him to leave (yes I know very different from your situation). I was devastated by the idea-but knew I had to get my life straightened out so I could be REAL again.
As you know-Maca stayed, but I didn't expect he and I to go through NRE with each other! THAT wasn't anywhere in the stuff I read. But that's exactly what happened!

GG and I have a good, solid, loving, secure relationship. There isn't the up and down drama that there has been between Maca and I. We've had a few downs in the time since that letter-but not really pertinent to the "poly" world. More pertinent to dealing with my neck and needing him to be more "in charge" when I just can't. Touchy topic-because usually I have my way of wanting it done and prefer to do it myself. But we haven't had any NRE either...

Maca and I on the other hand have found new things we love about each other, new things in sex we didn't know how to do... all sorts of weird stuff like that and it's like we can't wait to talk each day about what's new THAT day with US!

I feel guilty sometimes cause I feel like GG gets left out a bit-but at the same time, we're not floundering in our relationship (GG & I). We're just.......well we're just the same mostly! Nothing bad about that either. There are little changes, like we don't get as much time together as we did before (weird I know) but that's more to do with his new job, not so much the new dynamic.

I fell in love with Maca again and in a whole new way-and it has everything to do with being able to be in love with GG without feeling like a whore......
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  #16  
Old 12-11-2009, 07:04 AM
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I fell in love with Maca again and in a whole new way-......
This has got to be the hardest aspect of poly for me. This is probably the most foreign of concepts to my tiny mono mind. It's hard for me to put myself in a head space to look at this from any perspective other than my own. One negates the other for me.

Wow...I'm glad to hear you guys are doing so well. I hope we all get to meet at some point
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  #17  
Old 12-11-2009, 07:27 AM
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Now, on the dawn of a year of being together all three of us I find it hard to separate the two of them in my mind. They make up one whole relationship to me... much like having roommates for a year. The thought of either of them going just doesn't fit. The whole thing would collapse without three. I doubt I can go back to it just being my husband and I and I can't see being with Mono without my husband.
That's funny! I am struggling. There is a pet name that I've called GG for years. It came up in the midst of the worst parts of the mess between Maca and I. It's "made up". Not "honey" or "baby" or whatever.
Anyway-in my MIND-the deeper part of my mind-the name MEANS "my love" crossed with "my heaven" or "my security" and "my safety"...
Anyway-as I said it's not a REAL word, so I guess I should just sit my ass down and write a definition!

But anyway-I have caught myself calling Maca that-like just "slipping out" but I'm not THINKING about GG when I do it, the "problem" is that I'm feeling that Maca is those things now too.

Only-I feel sort of guilty-because that term of endearment is very special to GG and I don't want him to feel like it's anything less because it's being "shared" and I don't think he'd PREFER it to be shared
AND
Maca wouldn't prefer that I use "GG's" nickname for him....

How do I explain to them that it's NOT what they think it is...
It's that they are one in my mind in many ways-and more ways every day...

I guess by telling them to read this thread huh RP?
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  #18  
Old 12-11-2009, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This has got to be the hardest aspect of poly for me. This is probably the most foreign of concepts to my tiny mono mind. It's hard for me to put myself in a head space to look at this from any perspective other than my own. One negates the other for me.

Wow...I'm glad to hear you guys are doing so well. I hope we all get to meet at some point
I'm smiling right now-because if you COULD wrap your mind around it I would be afraid all of your posts were just a big huge psychological game on the rest of us!
Of course you can't wrap your mind around it! You are mono Mono! Silly man!
Isn't that a big part of the reality of reasoning behind mono behavior?
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  #19  
Old 12-11-2009, 07:42 AM
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I hope we can meet too. I have to get all of us passports now that the laws are stricter here, so the next time we go to Washington we can drive up. I've always wanted to-never have (ok well I DID when I was 5, but that's NOT the same).

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  #20  
Old 12-11-2009, 07:47 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
You are mono Mono! Silly man!
Isn't that a big part of the reality of reasoning behind mono behavior?
Why yes it is for my mono wired mind
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