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Old 09-05-2012, 02:22 PM
Narayume Narayume is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 9
Default Balancing two partners

I am the hinge (F/26) on our relationship V with G (M/27) on one side and T (M/25) on the other. G and I were originally in a monogamous relationship and we ended up getting back together as poly. Not counting the time we spent broken up, we have been together around 7 years. T is the new comer and we've now been together 3 months.

Now, I am finding it hard to balance the two properly. I have been trying very hard to make sure that the NRE I have with T does not effect time spent with G, but G and I generally just hang together as such - for example watch movies together or both play (different) video games. We enjoy each others company and have a similar taste in films and audiobooks. On the other hand T and I like doing things together. We are constantly chatting, could easily fill a week up with night courses (given the money to do it), enjoy similar outdoor activities and generally do things together.

We all live in the same house, so if we all watch a film together, I usually end up in a heated discussion with T over some point in the film (G doesn't enjoy the sort of discussions I do) and it feels as if I am cutting G out. I guess it feels if I am not doing anything with G, just passively enjoy his company, it isn't as much "time spent together" as T and my active running about.

I am planning to spent at least one night a week just with G, but the rest of the week still feels really imbalanced. The fact that Gs main worry when going into polyamoury was that he would take second place is not helping matters. I have spoken with G about this and he has promised to try to think of things we could do together, but he never actually suggests anything.

So, any suggestions how to best balance the time? If you are the hinge on a V or have experiences in a V relationship, how did you manage to balance things so no one felt left out? On a more general note: What do you enjoy doing with your partners?
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