Huge Problem likely Small Issue for your veterans, please help

[nycindie]

I was not scolding you, and nobody actually "did anything to you in here," but you can choose to see yourself as a victim if you want. No, I was simply telling you that you have wasted most of the thread telling people they shouldn't have posted as they did, when it isn't up to you, and thereby have missed important things they wrote. Furthermore, I have no need to "have a better idea" of what you're about "in time." You don't interest me that much. No, I am not treating you as "second class." This is merely an "as you reap so shall ye sow" sort of thing which you began. You get back as good as you give. To me, you're just a faceless, anonymous poster on a message board, possibly a troll, with nothing much to offer, and with whom I shall no longer interact.

*updates Ignore List*
Okay, now I'm really done.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

I'm wondering if your soon to be wife had to agree to certain rules upon meeting you if the 2 of you were going to be together or if through the process of getting to know each othwr you developped the boundaries of where your relationship would lie together? In the case of the latter any other relationship (and woman who you are in the relationship with ) deserves the same respect.

For sure. I agree with you. And in my case, yes I did set forth plenty of rules, and they were respectful honorable rules, and yes in time we had to readjust those rules, but everything made logical sense. Right now it's so difficult because we are needing to adjust but what I want is based on theory (being a poly virgin), and where she draws the line she doesn't even understand (uncharted territory). So this is very confusing.

When someone "opens up" in the midst of a relationship, I think these kinds of difficulties arise. It could be the realization that you're bi, or even more strenuous on a hetero relationship if you realize you are gay. At first you don't want to rock the boat, so you attempt to keep things together. But I think after time you realize you are better off apart.

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

If you had premade rules for your soon to be wife before meeting her and that's what's working for you then have at it. You're just not going to get a lot of support from people here since for the most part we believe in equality in relationships and that everyone involved has a say when it comes to what their relationship will look like. I don't know if I speak for anyone else but I find what I'm reacting to in the way that you talk is that it sounds like you're looling for a patriarchal polygamous set up without the religious overtones.

Interesting. I know. But I'd be happy to gravitate towards something more liberating for all. Just that this is all I understand in this moment. I'm certainly capable of greater respect to everyone, I just need to learn the ways. I prefer it not be trial by fire, and so that is why I am doing so much reading, and that is also why I really value your replies and really everyone's replies even the one's who were disrespectful to me and sent me reeling. I value everything they have to offer, believe me. I even value them as people. I just think a little bit of judgement got taken a long way. And I think it would behoove them to be more sensitive to new posters asking for help with their crisis'. I know I was in the situation at the moment I posted where it was a big cry for help in our relationship. Maybe I came to the wrong place, but I was hoping to get some better treatment. It felt like I found some people in the Bronx who wanted to just talk trash about me and how much of a douchebag I am. And it was counterproductive to some extent, but not all. Anyway, you didn't ask about that, I'm rambling. Anyway, I'm just saying I appreciate all the input even if it's been at my expense and I hope that everyone tries to be more sensitive in the future in case someone of less self-esteem than myself might get hurt by the way they went about behaving. I'm ok though.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I was not scolding you, and nobody actually "did anything to you in here," but you can choose to see yourself as a victim if you want. No, I was simply telling you that you have wasted most of the thread telling people they shouldn't have posted as they did, when it isn't up to you, and thereby have missed important things they wrote. Furthermore, I have no need to "have a better idea" of what you're about "in time." You don't interest me that much. No, I am not treating you as "second class." This is merely an "as you reap so shall ye sow" sort of thing which you began. You get back as good as you give. To me, you're just a faceless, anonymous poster on a message board, possibly a troll, with nothing much to offer, and with whom I shall no longer interact.

*updates Ignore List*
Okay, now I'm really done.

I didn't expect more from you.

[Vinccenzo]

It seems to all be set up with this notion of you know best for all involved.
GF/soon to be wife? You mention her "ancient" culture and poor English standing in the way of your oh so much more enlightened poly dreams. A lot of things will need to be hashed out to come to some agreement between the two of you. Of course none of this was necessary prior to setting up house (yours) and having a child. Now its your way or she's out.
You want your rules in your house with your girls. Maybe after some time is put in some bending could be negotiated? You shacked up and made a baby and NOW want to renegotiate with her or your "generous enabling" dries up and she is out. No wonder she had a break down.
You are telling people you're not a chauvinist. I don't think its the root either here as you chortle about tossing pittance to people you look down on. Oh they can clean your house and nanny about and you're so mature. Its not about thinking women are lesser. Its about an entitled nature. Want girls? $$$$ They will have needs. $$$$ They might want things you won't like! $$$$ is your enforcer to squash that nonsense. It makes much sense why you left BH. You were just another fish there.
It will be your way or the highway because $$$ is what makes right in your dream world and that's the stink I smelled in this thread from go. No love. No generosity. No poly. You talk of taking care of your "girls" when all you will be doing is turning them into live in prostitutes.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by evanevans

I didn't expect more from you.

And sanctimonious on top of everything else.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by Vinccenzo

It seems to all be set up with this notion of you know best for all involved.
GF/soon to be wife? You mention her "ancient" culture and poor English standing in the way of your oh so much more enlightened poly dreams. A lot of things will need to be hashed out to come to some agreement between the two of you. Of course none of this was necessary prior to setting up house (yours) and having a child. Now its your way or she's out.
You want your rules in your house with your girls. Maybe after some time is put in some bending could be negotiated? You shacked up and made a baby and NOW want to renegotiate with her or your "generous enabling" dries up and she is out. No wonder she had a break down.
You are telling people you're not a chauvinist. I don't think its the root either here as you chortle about tossing pittance to people you look down on. Oh they can clean your house and nanny about and you're so mature. Its not about thinking women are lesser. Its about an entitled nature. Want girls? $$$$ They will have needs. $$$$ They might want things you won't like! $$$$ is your enforcer to squash that nonsense. It makes much sense why you left BH. You were just another fish there.
It will be your way or the highway because $$$ is what makes right in your dream world and that's the stink I smelled in this thread from go. No love. No generosity. No poly. You talk of taking care of your "girls" when all you will be doing is turning them into live in prostitutes.

Thanks, I appreciate your post. You are 100% right. About them becoming prostitutes, I'm not interested in that at all. I don't want to get anything from them unless they are interested in me as a person. I'm just saying I'm able to give them a really great ride with my support. No job unless they want one, and fun fun fun. Sex, optionally for those comfortable with it. Really it turns me off to be even talking about sex because that's not what I'm interested in with all this. This is about me wanting to share affection and intimacy with more than one person. Period. That's what it's about. If I could go back and not tell you anything about how I am able to treat them nicely I guess I would because you guys are turning it into that I expect something in return. No, I'm just saying that's a layer on top I have and am more than willing to offer to them. I don't get what the big deal is about that. I'm not asking them to pay me a share of a yacht. If I have a yacht, they can enjoy it too. Why is it wrong to not ask them to pay for it? If I have things to share, I will share them. If they don't want it because they are afraid it will obligate them, good for them. Maybe in time they will see that's not important to me, that I am not looking for anything in return... that I enjoy sharing all the fun elements of life I am able to offer other people. It makes me happy to make others happy. I believe that's called compersion.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

And sanctimonious on top of everything else.

It's really not necessary to bully. This was between the two of us.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by evanevans

It's really not necessary to bully. This was between the two of us.

This is not your Island and I am not one of your girls. There is no "between the two of us" in this part of the forum. That's what private messages are for. Nobody here agreed to have a relationship with you on your "generous" terms.

Why don't you start a blog in Life Stories and Blogs? This subject matter is perfect for that, and nobody is allowed to argue in a blog. It will really be YOUR THREAD. That is not the case the way it is right here right now. If you were at all aware of your surroundings, you would have figured that out by now. I think you may have already been told, too, but I'm telling you right now again if that's the case.

If you can dish it out but can't take it, there's the virtual door.

[LovingRadiance]

Ok.

I think I've figured out part of the communication connundrum. When you write about (for example) the rules. I sense that you are addressing only your part-which is resulting in the board assuming thats all you are considering. Then you are upset over the attitude.

Your 'hardlines' sound VERY similar to galagirls. Would you humor me and read them? Tell me if I am right? She has a thread about it in the lifestyles and blogs section.

I think the confusion is in your not specifying what the othersides rights/responsibilities are in terms of identifying if you and the imaginary they can agree. I gather that you are trying to write from the 'i can only speak for me' perspective-which isnt a bad thing, but having not specifically said thats what u r doing it appears that u r disregarding the opinions and rights of the imaginary other parties.

Does that make sense at all?

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

Ok.

I think I've figured out part of the communication connundrum. When you write about (for example) the rules. I sense that you are addressing only your part-which is resulting in the board assuming thats all you are considering. Then you are upset over the attitude.

Your 'hardlines' sound VERY similar to galagirls. Would you humor me and read them? Tell me if I am right? She has a thread about it in the lifestyles and blogs section.

I think the confusion is in your not specifying what the othersides rights/responsibilities are in terms of identifying if you and the imaginary they can agree. I gather that you are trying to write from the 'i can only speak for me' perspective-which isnt a bad thing, but having not specifically said thats what u r doing it appears that u r disregarding the opinions and rights of the imaginary other parties.

Does that make sense at all?

It sounds fair and wonderful if the OP didn't use the term "cock-blocking" to refer to his wife not wanting to move another "hot bi babe" into the house, then when people call him ouot on that, he says "no no, i meant that my wife wants to hog all the sex to herself with the other woman".

So, which is it? His wife does or doesn't want this woman? His wife is refusing to let the woman move in because she wants a relationshipi with the woman all to herself? This doesn't make sense, and if it doesn't make sense, it probably isn't true. I'm not making this up. The OP keeps writing things that anyone who can read can immediately find things that contradict each other. Then he back-peddles. What he calls "bullying" on my part is simply making fun of him because he has about half the people in this thread trying to look open-minded, and the other half that aren't buying it he's doing this "Jesus" thing like forgiving us because we know not what we do.

It's obvious to me that the OP's story has been tailored and adjusted along the way to push all the poly hot-buttons of as many people as possible. I'm suspecting he is attempting to piss people off to the point where they make themselves look like fools. There is a lot going on here that meets the classic trolling techniques.

I'm actually enjoying this thread because it's giving me ideas for my stand-up comedy routine. Not what the OP says, but what others (including myself) say.

If you will excuse me, I have to go compose music, take pictures of nude models on white-sandy beaches, and put my kids to bed. I did have more to say but i bet other people can take it from here.