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  #81  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:11 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Wow, I see several chauvinistic words and approaches in your last posts alone Evan.
Well that's not how I am. It'd be cool if you could point them out to me so I know what words or phrases I'm using that are coming across that way. If you wouldn't mind.
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  #82  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:21 AM
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Well that's not how I am. It'd be cool if you could point them out to me so I know what words or phrases I'm using that are coming across that way. If you wouldn't mind.
Let's start with the utter disdain of referring to your fiancee, the woman you supposedly love, the mother of your child, as a 'cock-block.' Definition #1 of which is: someone who stops another from scoring sexually.

A guy whose goal is to score sexually might be considered a chauvinist. A guy whose description of a woman is summed up with, 'she's super cool, hot, and bi,' might be considered chauvinist.

Someone who is not a chauvinist might actually tell us something about why he likes her as a person--does she have a great sense of humor, does she have an interesting hobby, does she have a college degree or a job, has she overcome obstacles in life with grace and courage, what are her fears, hopes, dreams? Does she give to charity or help orphans or write music or sew really cool medieval costumes? Does she like to read and what makes her happy or sad?

Your whole description of her, by contrast, is that she's a hot bi babe who wants to get it on with you. And the woman you supposedly love, the mother of your child, is reduced to the 'cock-block' who's interfering in you getting laid by a hot bi babe.
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  #83  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:24 AM
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Interesting perspective. I'm quite capable of posting a thread that is about me and my issues, without announcing to the world that I'm the most mature woman any guy is ever going to find
Wow. Did I ever say that? No. Talk about you guys taking my words and running with it. I am far from the most mature man in the world. Far far far far from it. Go back and re-read what I wrote and try not to project your own opinions about what I'm saying into it and instead be a good listener.
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and I'd be smart to keep them in line myself rather than let another (apparently lesser) woman in to upset the balance
Did I ever say I wouldn't do that? No. Again, go back, reread, and stop projecting your own opinions on my statements. That is if you care about doing anything other than smack talking. I doubt you will be so humble as to say, "oh, ok. Let me go see" and than come back and apologize as appropriate or show some sensitivity to your offense.
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and order that I alone can control. That's the kind of thing that would make someone say you're full of yourself...not that you posted a thread about yourself.
Those are things you are saying. Not things I said. I can see how you could think that. Don't get me wrong. But you are not being very careful with your jumping to conclusions in the midst of a post which happens to say someone is going through MAJOR problems. Maybe being open and poly has caused you to be immune about caring for someone in pain? Is that part of being poly? The idea being that you can just amorphously drift towards more agreeable less dramatic people? I hope I don't ever get that way.
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This amazing island, from which both Belize and Nicaragua can be seen, and the incredible eyesight to see that far, and photo shoots with models and composing music and dating 40 women at a time in LA and six children lead me to believe this is an aspiring author, most definitely of fiction. I have to say, I'm entertained.
Haha. I liked that one. Fiction. That was cute. You can be funny. But don't walk into a room where someone is having chemotherapy and tell them a cancer joke ok?
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If the part about the girlfriend and poly is actually true, then you've been given the answer. She clearly doesn't want to do this. You clearly do. You're not a match. I hope she finds someone who is mature enough that he doesn't feel the need to tell everyone how mature and intelligent and in control and fantastic he is, and someone kind enough not to push her to do things she doesn't want to do.
Man, what is with your attitude? Why do you have to put people down? I don't have any need whatsoever for those things and yet you are trying to make me out that way in front of your community. You are trying to humiliate me. Fortunately I have enough self-esteem to not need any of your approval or anyone else here to know what I'm about. You're a loose cannon.
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  #84  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:31 AM
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You are correct: you did not use those exact words. I paraphrased and perhaps exaggerated. But you have certainly talked about how mature you are.

It seems to me a great number of people are getting a very different impression of you from who you say you are. I would suggest that perhaps if you are nothing at all like what is coming across, that you re-read your own words and see why people would be getting this impression. Perhaps you need to choose your own words more carefully.

Where is the attitude or putting someone down in saying that your girlfriend clearly does not want poly?

No, I'm not trying to humiliate you. I sincerely hope you will treat your girlfriend with more kindness than it appears to me, from your own words, that you are currently doing. I hope you will sincerely think about how many people have objected to your attitude, and consider why you may be rubbing so many people wrong.
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  #85  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:33 AM
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I dont know how to copy/paste in my phone.

But the way you write does suggest that you believe you have 'women' all figured out. Obviously, you don't or you wouldn't have started this post in the first place-but that is the way your writing reads.
Additionally, you say thinks like 'cock blocked' and that comes across as though you think having that other woman too is your god-given right and your fiance is just 'in the way'.
You write that you want to respect her and have what you want- something I do understand as I am poly, bf is mono. We agree to a number of boundries that keep his mono self 'safe and secure' and allow my poly self to exist without destroying him.
But, you also write as though you need to convince her and that isn't respecting her as an individual that does not have to accept a poly-mono dynamic.
Furthermore, the majority of what you have written suggests that women want and need to be taken care of, provided for and whatever 'kept in the zone' is. That is seriously disrespectful sounding. It sounds very chauvanist and marginalizing of women. Especially to women who are 'evolved' enough (no I dont subscribe to that evolution bs) to manage not only to care for and support themselves and their children, but to juggle multiple deep, meaningful, loving romantic relationships with men and women, simultaneously.

If you want sincere advice on how to communicate with a woman, it stands to reason that listening to what the women here are saying would be beneficial. Because so far, you have managed to offend the sensibilities of every single woman whose replied to you.
That suggests that either you are prone to relationships with women who are not as independent as the poly-women on this board OR you may be prone to offending women in rl OR you are really lacking in written communication skills.

Unfortunately, there is no way for any of us to know for sure. Unfortunately for you, it would appear that the end result is the majority assuming that you are sexist, chauvanistic and arrogant in real life.
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  #86  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:36 AM
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Let's start with the utter disdain of referring to your fiancee, the woman you supposedly love, the mother of your child, as a 'cock-block.' Definition #1 of which is: someone who stops another from scoring sexually.

A guy whose goal is to score sexually might be considered a chauvinist. A guy whose description of a woman is summed up with, 'she's super cool, hot, and bi,' might be considered chauvinist.

Someone who is not a chauvinist might actually tell us something about why he likes her as a person--does she have a great sense of humor, does she have an interesting hobby, does she have a college degree or a job, has she overcome obstacles in life with grace and courage, what are her fears, hopes, dreams? Does she give to charity or help orphans or write music or sew really cool medieval costumes? Does she like to read and what makes her happy or sad?

Your whole description of her, by contrast, is that she's a hot bi babe who wants to get it on with you. And the woman you supposedly love, the mother of your child, is reduced to the 'cock-block' who's interfering in you getting laid by a hot bi babe.
Wow, you really like to just project your own opinions onto other's statements. First of all, when I said "cock-block", I was talking about her, meaning as a girl trying to hoard the action. Meaning, she was the one who wanted to have sex with the other girl and prevent me from having as much enjoyment I want with her. I am not even interested in sex with the other girl yet. She's really sweet, and attractive, and we really don't know her well enough yet for me to feel comfortable with more than just cuddling and seeing where it goes.

I'm entering your world here. I've just only learned of the concept of "Unicorn". And as far as I read, the definition on this very site, for everyone to be educated by is "Hot, Bi, Babe". So WTF is your problem with me describing her that way? This isn't my diary. I don't need to tell you how good of a cook she is, or that she likes flowers. I don't subscribe to all that Medieval Poetic Love stuff. That has caused so many problems in relationships over time, marriages, monogamy, etc. So why are you interested in all those romantic things? I don't know you, but I'm sensing you are a woman when you are trying to stake your interest in whether or not I feel a woman is valuable because she can sew.

HBB is supposed to be sufficiently attractive and noble enough in itself to communicate with this board. If I misunderstood that let me know. I think you are just trying to judge me and do some trash talk, see if you can validate your viewpoint. I think you have no intention of ever getting on my good side, or ever understanding me correctly, for fear that you might actually have to swallow your own words.
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  #87  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:37 AM
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I suggest you do some reading here Evan. If you really want her to come around to your way then I suggest you change your attitude entirely. No one is owned by anyone. No one is controlled by anyone. You cannot MAKE her bend to your will by playing games to convince her. If that is what you believe then I would be greatly surprised that you get the harem you think you deserve.

You are reminding me of an old poster who believes he has a harem in Vegas. Turns out he was owned. He was controlled. He couldn't get a firm grip on his "girls" yet fought us on it at ever turn that he actually did. This occurred because wouldn't you know it the women had brains, feelings, didn't want to be told what to do and who to do it with. They actually discovered that being there as his play thing was not fun after awhile and they wanted to get on to a life that was their own. He was more owned by his own perspective than anything else. He wouldn't let it go. Like a dog with a bone.

He lived a nightmare and would bring it here whenever it got too much for him. Whenever he had the urge to tell someone that one of his "girls" was a bitch for treating his gifts of a home, and someone to fuck with disrespect he'd be back to create threads about himself that only showed how self righteous and arrogant he was. Not once did he realize that he created his own destiny by not honouring them as people in their own right. He simply barreled through every issue that came up and expected that they bend to his will and do as they were told.

I felt bad for him. I don't know how he ever faired in the end, but it looked like a sure call that he would end up lonely and alone and not know why.

Not saying this is you Evan, but you sure are painting yourself that way. Whether you mean to or not. If I described how things are with you through relaying my story about the old poster and you are okay with that, then good on you. If you are concerned that this might be like you and want to make a change then you might be in the right place. People here have a good bit of experience and knowledge. Not only that they are gracious enough to share it.

If you want to change your perspective then you'll have to face the firing squad a bit to get to the point where people understand that you see some error in your perspective. This is not YOUR thread. Its a public thread on the internet. It belongs to anyone that reads it and cares to write here. You share this thread with everyone. Sure we can get back on track with your questions, but you'll have to give a bit too.

If you don't see a reason to change your perspective and don't care what people think here and take what they say to heart, regardless of how they say it then I think it might be a difficult ride for you.

If you are nothing like the old poster, then please, try again to explain what you would like to have help with. I think most people are lost in the words you use. Please try again?
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-04-2012 at 05:45 AM.
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  #88  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
You are correct: you did not use those exact words. I paraphrased and perhaps exaggerated. But you have certainly talked about how mature you are.

It seems to me a great number of people are getting a very different impression of you from who you say you are. I would suggest that perhaps if you are nothing at all like what is coming across, that you re-read your own words and see why people would be getting this impression. Perhaps you need to choose your own words more carefully.

Where is the attitude or putting someone down in saying that your girlfriend clearly does not want poly?

No, I'm not trying to humiliate you. I sincerely hope you will treat your girlfriend with more kindness than it appears to me, from your own words, that you are currently doing. I hope you will sincerely think about how many people have objected to your attitude, and consider why you may be rubbing so many people wrong.
Hey this tone is much better. Thank you. I'm going to respond to this one now. Appreciate you toning it down.
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  #89  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:52 AM
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You are correct: you did not use those exact words. I paraphrased and perhaps exaggerated. But you have certainly talked about how mature you are.
I have talked about how mature I am. Ok. Is there something wrong with that? Why did you need to flip off the handle because I know I am a mature person and when everyone is trying to figure me out, I go ahead and supply that for everyone so they have a better idea of what kind of person I am so they can help me out with what I need help with? I mean my god, you went insane. I'm telling you I am the most mature man on this island I am on. I can know that, because it's not that big of an island, I know everyone here, and ok, maybe there is a 70 year old man who gets all of life's lessons better than I do, but on this island, you aren't going to find someone more respectful towards women than myself who isn't a ingratiating doormat. I live in a central american country which is still very chauvinistic where the concept of women's lib is an echo from afar. I take offense by chauvinists. I grew up a momma's boy, and for many years I held women in higher regard than men, and I still probably do in many respects, but I at least try to make sure to treat men equally as well just to balance my momma boy complex.
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It seems to me a great number of people are getting a very different impression of you from who you say you are. I would suggest that perhaps if you are nothing at all like what is coming across, that you re-read your own words and see why people would be getting this impression. Perhaps you need to choose your own words more carefully.
I do my best. I do re-read them. But I need to spend the time to be informative so I can get back rich answers. I can't sit in front of my computer for 6 hours writing the thesis statement of all these statement forum posts.
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Where is the attitude or putting someone down in saying that your girlfriend clearly does not want poly?
No no, I really respect that comment of yours. To me you show me there that you are cutting to the heart of your own wisdom and giving me a bottom line answer. That is very helpful. It's some of the misconstruing that is the most difficult to deal with. These comments are great. It's clearly your opinion, you didn't tell me what I think, or tell me who I am. You voiced your opinion.
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No, I'm not trying to humiliate you.
Well, I don't understand why you are going down this line than. Spending time judging me and posting your guesses as to who I am in front of everyone you know. Why is that necessary? I'm pretty sure that you were trying to humiliate me and I think if you dig beneath all of your motivations you will find that down there. I am certainly sensing it as a potential motivation for wasting time knocking someone down in public.
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I sincerely hope you will treat your girlfriend with more kindness than it appears to me,
I do. I certainly do. I choose more radical words here since we are supposed to be more casual.
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from your own words, that you are currently doing. I hope you will sincerely think about how many people have objected to your attitude, and consider why you may be rubbing so many people wrong.
Oh I do. Don't worry. It's not that there's something wrong with me. It just became a cavalcade of misunderstanding and backpeddling and defending against offensive people, over some minced words. I think it'd be best in the future if only the most sympathetic and compassionate people try and voice their opinions on posts that are clearly cries for help.
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  #90  
Old 09-04-2012, 05:59 AM
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I'm entering your world here. I've just only learned of the concept of "Unicorn". And as far as I read, the definition on this very site, for everyone to be educated by is "Hot, Bi, Babe". So WTF is your problem with me describing her that way?
Um, hello. Calling someone a unicorn is not a compliment. The phrase "Hot Bi Babe," which is used to describe a unicorn can, of course, exist in real life but it is used tongue in cheek in this context. It is making fun of the m-f couples who only want that in their poly quest. It's a put-down, because a unicorn is mythical - therefore people who chase after unicorns, aka "unicorn hunters," are chasing a fantasy that is ridiculously unrealistic and nigh on impossible to find. If you do find a woman who wants to have a relationship with you both, please don't call her a unicorn. It's degrading. There are tons of thread here on the topic - you really should search this forum and do some reading before posting.

However, the fact remains, if what you have posted here is real and not just trolling, your gf is unlikely to comply. And it is abusive to think that you have to try and convince her to come around to what you want. She has a choice. You can live with it or walk away. Um, to your little make-believe harem, I suppose.

And you actually wonder why I spit out my soda before? Go re-read the post you wrote just before mine where I said that. Seriously, are you for real?
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-04-2012 at 06:06 AM.
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