Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-30-2012, 01:47 AM
ptolemy ptolemy is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Default round and round and round...

I brought up poly with my wife two years ago. She's monogamous, and we've been married for almost 10 years now. After a few months we had basically talked through all the basic objections to polyamory, and were left with I want it, she doesn't.

So we talk about going for a poly/mono arrangement. She won't say "No, never." But she won't say "ok, let's try a baby step" either. We're stuck in the world of "Maybe, but I'm not ready. It would break me if we did it now."

There's been lots of therapy, and lots of communication, and that's pretty much the steady state. We're stuck at "maybe", and neither one of us is happy.

I feel like the most wonderful parts of myself are poisonous to the person I love most. And she feels like she's limiting my life. It hurts, and there are no easy answers.

Has anyone been here before? What happened?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-30-2012, 03:01 AM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 166
Default

Could you go into more detail about your marriage? It may be helpful to myself and others to hear more about the issues and good times you've had in your marriage.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-30-2012, 03:19 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,856
Default

Clarify please.

1) Are you wanting to share your poly thoughts, crushes, readings, movies, and inner life STUFF with her? And would that satisfy you -- to have some poly expression and be loved as the whole you within a closed polyship of 2?

2) Are you wanting to start dating Another? And seek a polyship that is larger than the 2 people you are right now?

Because to me that's the crux there.

1) she might be able to Open herself up to. In a closed polyship of 2 -- be Open in Mind and Heart so she can share in your inner life with you.

2) That is asking her to Open in Mind, Heart, AND Body and Soul and be happy with sharing you with Another. And that she might not ever dig.

So you guys need to clarify what's on the table here.

GG
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-03-2012, 07:35 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,121
Default

Well, it wouldn't be poly if there isn't consent, so it looks like you have a hard choice to make.
Can you invest in your marriage and make it the best expression of partnership and love it can possibly be, even if it continues to be monogamous?

Or is living polyamorously something you absolutely must have, enough to leave the marriage and seek it elsewhere?
What is it you hope poly will bring to your life? Are you dissatisfied with any elements of your marriage (besides the issue of her not wanting poly)? What prompted your seeking it out?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
marriage commitments, mono/poly

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:56 AM.