Huge Problem likely Small Issue for your veterans, please help

[MzWiz]

This interface needs a "like" button...... To NYCindie: Like :-)

We are all unique/special, but.... We are also all equals.....
A certain humility is a good thing.....

[Phy]

To not keep you guessing evan: Because of the uniqueness of you and us all the poly-hood out there, I guess. Not that I want to convince you of the strangeness of such an idea (I read about some discussion going on in another thread already), but you won't find that many people on here who share your point of view in this regard.

Have to say that your life story is quite ... notable could be the right word *scratches head*. You have got your way of finding some extreme characters and persons for sure as it seems.

[CielDuMatin]

Thanks for giving us more detail as to your story...

So it sounds like you goal is to set up a relationship with multiple women where you are the undisputed alpha male, and any other guy who is involved has to be inferior. You will look after "your girls" and allow them to not have to worry themselves about working for a living or even finding another man, because you will take care of their every need. If they choose to have sex with another man then that's ok, but if the involvement ever gets more committed, you have developed and "exit strategy" where she is essentially out of the relationship.

So, let's assume that you are living with two of "your girls" and you meet someone that you feel would fit well into the live-in family. Is this just the job of the alpha male (you) to decide, or do the other girls involve have some decision-making power?

Will you be fluid-bonded with your girls (i.e. no condoms)? Will you need to have any sort of say about other men who they choose to have sex with? Will you have rules about condom usage with them and other men?

Presumably the property that you would live in would be owned solely by you, yes?

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Omigosh, I just spit Diet Coke all over my keyboard!

I did too, and I'm not even drinking Diet Coke.

The thing is, I'm glad evanevans has his very own Caribbean Island. a Boring Guy such as myself stands a much better chance of scoring with the females on the Mainland with him out of the way.

I say, go for it, evanevans. you deserve to be King of your own Castle, even if said Castle exists only in your own mind. Seriously. I may sound like I'm making fun of you, but I only want good things for you and nothing bad. Now go out there and make it happen! I don't think there is anything anybody on this forum can help you with that you can't figure out for yourself. And if your wife is too stupid to know a good thing when she has it, she deserves to go back to her family and a life devoid of a mature male provider and the free orgasms that accompany.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by snowmelt

You've put a lot of effort into explaining how open minded you are, but you have not been able to see your girlfriend's desire to be mono as a valid, healthy, honorable option for her. While claiming to be open minded, you have actually been very closed minded about the lifestyle choices other people make that are different from the one you have chosen for yourself. People who are truly open minded see the value in all lifestyle choices, including monogamy. They respect the lifestyle choices others make for themselves, even when different from their own.

Well the reason I started this discussion was to try and help us be Mono/Poly. Outside of the help here, it's been next to impossible for me to create any usable middle ground for either of us. So we both respect each other's style, but she's trying to get me to be mono and I'm trying to tell her how it is that I think poly in an attempt to see if she could either:
1) tolerate it
2) figure out how to connect the dots in the middle (compromise)
3) embrace it
4) change
Neither of us is forcing either one to either side. That's just all the tools we have right now, to either not talk, or to try and convince the other to switch, or find middle ground. And we're both totally new to this, and she has the added disadvantage of not understanding it, whereas I've been through monogamy for almost 15 years but completely feel polyamorous and so can understand both mono and poly.

I'm getting some great advice here from you guys though and it's helping a lot. You are all helping us! Thanks so far...

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

I say, go for it, evanevans. you deserve to be King of your own Castle, even if said Castle exists only in your own mind. Seriously. I may sound like I'm making fun of you, but I only want good things for you and nothing bad. Now go out there and make it happen! I don't think there is anything anybody on this forum can help you with that you can't figure out for yourself. And if your wife is too stupid to know a good thing when she has it, she deserves to go back to her family and a life devoid of a mature male provider and the free orgasms that accompany.

Hahahahaha, man you are hilarious! I like it. And by the way, I kind of am in a castle. I live in a big house on top of a mountain, gated, with a full view from Belize to Nicaragua. It's the life (snorkeling, scuba diving, white sand beaches, parasailing, ziplining, monkeys, toucans, iguanas, parrots, jungle, fishing, resorts, restaurants, imported american food supermarkets, excellent healthcare at costs that would cause your dick to drop off in disbelief (like $6 to see a doctor and get medicine), and did I mention I have a live-in nanny, cook, housekeeper that mops, sweeps, three times a day, laundry, errands, cooks every meal, and takes care of the kids when necessary all for less than two bills a month? yep...I think good for you if you want to stay in America! More for me ).

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by Phy

To not keep you guessing evan: Because of the uniqueness of you and us all the poly-hood out there, I guess. Not that I want to convince you of the strangeness of such an idea (I read about some discussion going on in another thread already), but you won't find that many people on here who share your point of view in this regard.

Have to say that your life story is quite ... notable could be the right word *scratches head*. You have got your way of finding some extreme characters and persons for sure as it seems.

I don't really understand your English. Sorry. It sounds like you are answering a question I asked you but you didn't quote it so I really don't understand the context of what you are saying.

[JaneQSmythe]

Originally Posted by evanevans

Hahahaha why? lol

I'm sorry, I just have to chime in at this point after biting my tongue for several posts and letting others do the talking.

*******

I take it that you actually can't see how patronizing and egotistical the post the NYCindie was responding to sounded...

Originally Posted by evanevans

It would be rare that they find someone as mature as myself...

I don't know that I would define someone as "mature" who seems to have the attitude that women are somehow like pets - feed them, pet them, take care of their material needs, and they will love you for it...and give you sex and threesomes. (The "pet"analogy breaks down at this point - please don't have sex with your pets!)

Originally Posted by evanevans

...where I am the one as the most mature pillar of strength in the house, than I cannot have my place as that support system threatened..

This seems reminiscent of a recent poster that seemed to think that all women just want to be "subs" to their dominant male ego. So, what you are saying that it is okay for some other male to assume "alpha" status as long as they are...

Originally Posted by evanevans

a real poly guru

If a "real poly guru" shows up then you are toast dude. Speaking for myself, I am almost hopeful that this happens...I would like to see the implosion of your psyche - I'm halfway tempted to fly down and try it for myself - 'cept I'm a girl. (True admission - this bi-girl LOVES the straight ladies... to be fair, they like me too...all the lovin' minus that male ego bullshit...)

Originally Posted by evanevans

I have been with enough women to know how important it is to keep them in the zone.

I don't know the women that you have been with or what this mysterious "zone" is that you feel the need to keep them in. Do you stun darts for this stunt?

Originally Posted by evanevans

I'm very good at providing that for them. That is one of the attractions women have with me.

Again, I don't know the women you have been with - and, if this is the impression that you have been left with, then I don't think that I want to. For myself, I am perfecting capable of providing for myself (and my two boys as the case may be)*- there are so many more important factors that might attract me to a man (or woman). "Providing for" me is so low on my list of priorities that it has never even registered...why would I need someone else for that?

JaneQ


PS. To those who object to me referring to MrS and Dude as "my two boys" - yes, I recognize the irony of using that phrase when people jump on guys, such as the OP, that use similar phrasing to refer to "their women". I contemplated changing my terminology to avoid ringing that bell...and decided against it. #1. They refer to themselves that way and it is a common meme in our relationship (for various amusing reasons). #2. I think it is useful for ganders such as the OP to see how it feels on the other foot (although, to be perfectly fair, they rarely see it....because of #3. There is not the long history of oppression that makes the OP's viewpoint so "natural" in the eyes of many mainstream persons - referring to "my boys" seems lighthearted and fun compared to the "ownership" model many men subscribe to in relation to "their women". (I'll stop now - as this post is too long already, and I have an essay's worth of ideas on this subject.)

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

I'm sorry, I just have to chime in at this point after biting my tongue for several posts and letting others do the talking.

It's ok. I knew someone would be too sensitive and be offended by my post. But that's not how I meant it. So we'll just have to rack it up to you having a different understanding about my words than I do. I'm sure everyone's not interested in us spending their evening trying to get you to be compassionate with me and understand where I'm really coming from. I see you are reactionary, that you think this is an alpha male thing (which it's not), have a problem with that, and want to express your disdain. Let's move on.

If you need to hear life experiences which prove to you that I am a good person and not what you hate, I can give them to you, you just need to let me know what you need to hear and I've got plenty of examples that you will like. But do it privately or in another thread. This thread is supposed to be helpful not just to me, but it could be for others, and you are not respecting that.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

(True admission - this bi-girl LOVES the straight ladies... to be fair, they like me too...all the lovin' minus that male ego bullshit)

LMFAO!
OMG! This made my day Jane.