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  #31  
Old 08-21-2012, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Me too, but I knit and don't like to crochet . I find this completely typical, you either do one or the other. Darning socks is easy, just takes patience. I don't bother with cotton socks I can get in bulk, but the boys expensive hiking socks most definitely. I find a "washable" sock yarn works best.
From what I read, darning isn't much different from weaving, and I've been weaving on little cardboard looms since I was eight or nine. Am I far off the mark?
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  #32  
Old 08-21-2012, 08:20 PM
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Originally Posted by lovefromgirl View Post
From what I read, darning isn't much different from weaving, and I've been weaving on little cardboard looms since I was eight or nine. Am I far off the mark?
Nope, that's basically what it is. Your patching the whole using a weaving pattern in the whole. I just googled how to do it, I think there are even Utube videos.
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  #33  
Old 08-23-2012, 03:14 AM
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Default The part I should've put first, huh?

For someone whose primary is the English language, I really am terrible at autobiographical blurbs.

You can call me Cass. I'm 26, poly, one of CielDuMatin's partners, and quite happy with our vee. We met four years ago at my first-ever poly meetup. I did not go there looking for a partner. I swear I was just curious as to who was making this work and how. Then I sat down opposite CdM and my metamour, M. Our anniversary is a movable feast because neither of us wanted to go back and look up exact dates. I have a mind like a steel colander, you could say.

-- I am really not accustomed to saying much about us. We function. In terms of hierarchy, I'm the one who doesn't live with them, but what does that say about how much he loves me? Not a darn thing. He finds solace in me, and pleasure, and a great deal of companionship. I choose to let him into the mate-selection process because he sees things I don't. If he's not polysaturated, he's the nearest thing to it, and M is monogamous; combined with my pickiness, we are effectively closed.

I don't think much further than "what if?" right now. Aside from being poly, I am also a woman, a daughter of daughters, a student when my disability lets me indulge, maybe an employee next summer, and a person who writes fiction for kicks. Now that I am getting stronger, I can try playing my flute again. There is so much I care about that doesn't relate to being part of a relationship. I don't think I'd be a very good partner if I weren't so comfortable as me.

I give a lot of advice. I hit a lot of nerves. I plan to start soft-pedaling it when I have paying clients. I know how to cut to the heart of a matter. I see it as an asset, not a liability. I've been ill-served by the gentle approach; I wouldn't do that to someone who needed to hear a few home truths. I am probably going to be the kind of social worker who kicks ass, takes names, attempts to fix the system, gets sacked, and strikes out on her own. I am okay with that. I was never one to sit down, shut up, and play nice unless I damn well pleased.

Have I missed anything?
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  #34  
Old 08-25-2012, 03:23 AM
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Default On a tired night, it goes like this.

Him:

hi I'm john. First of all, I think u are really very cute. I would realty like to get to know u and go from there. I'm a hard working, blue collar kind if guy. But I do well for my self. I have a cbr600rr and I ride it alot So how about we trade facebook info, or i could just text u. I'm lot a fan of just talking on here. I just want to meet a nice, fun, kick ass girl LOL. So we can chat and just see where it goes. Iv been on a big work out and diet kick as of late and iv lost 50lbs from my pics

Me:

No.

What the fuck is a cbr600rr when it's at home? And is this guy aware of the risks of endless tattooing? I mean, have you seen the MMWR articles lately about the skin infections resulting from tainted ink?

If that hadn't been syntax soup up there, maybe I'd have bothered. As it is, no. Not until my brain re-jellifies.
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  #35  
Old 08-25-2012, 10:04 AM
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It's a motorcycle ....crotch rocket class.

Last edited by dingedheart; 08-25-2012 at 09:04 PM.
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  #36  
Old 08-25-2012, 07:59 PM
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Just your type - I can't for the life of me imagine why you didn't let him take you for a ride!
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  #37  
Old 08-25-2012, 11:25 PM
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Default Things I will admit:

Not all of the random contacts are a bad thing.

Even though I seldom, if ever, meet dating material, sometimes I run into people who are genuinely nice and not looking to screw me in any sense of the word. One of those popped into my inbox last night.

True nice guys are all right by me. You don't need to be a ripped jerk. I don't care about "hot". Looks are so subjective when I take personality into account. I can look at two people who are similar, learn about them, and declare one much better-looking than the other. It works the other way, too. If you're average on the outside but shiny on the inside, you are way more jumpworthy than your prettier but shallower/douchier counterpart.
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  #38  
Old 08-31-2012, 01:32 AM
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Default Our M

I am thinking of my metamour tonight.

M has gone to hospital. She will be all right, but she's stuck there for the weekend, it seems, and this was supposed to be their time to relax together. Both of them had unexpected time free from work obligations -- that's so rare for them. CdM has also had a shorter night's sleep thanks to, ah, me. (It's not what you think. He gets up very early in order to get to work from my place. Also, we were poking fun at my colloquial, learned-at-Oma's-knee German.)

(The best way to drift off to sleep is to laugh together.)

At least she has her ebooks and her music to keep her company, but I do wish they'd put her in a nice room with a cot for him. Even if she has been given the Good Drugs, they'd be together.

So this is the downside of compersion. When you share their joys, you also share their sorrows.
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  #39  
Old 09-01-2012, 01:25 AM
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Default it must be . . .

This is what it must be like to get high.

I never have before. Just a little drunk. I've never taken any substance that made me feel like opening my heart to the universe, nor any that made my blood fizz with energy.

It's all people-energy. It all comes from feeling like my best self, including having a great hair day, and sharing the good feeling with others. They respond! They respond by waving across several lanes of traffic (that was my UPS guy -- blew him a kiss -- he's got such gorgeous legs) or spending ten minutes just talking about languages with you (the lovely Moroccan gent in the sunglasses). They respond by letting you share their troubles and taking some of your joy back with them (Chibi and Theresa).

I'm a little frightened by the fizz. It's adrenaline. Adrenaline is bad, right? It makes me panic. But this is a surge of the stuff that I didn't allow out of my grasp. This is the kind of surge that came from natural human interactions. Rarely if ever does my extrovert nature overwhelm my introvert training in this way, but when it does, holy wow.

So I kept breathing. When I felt lightheaded with it, I made myself sit down and play a bit of Sudoku on my phone. I came home, I figured out that I was hungry, I ate something, and now I'm winding down for the evening. I had a good experience. I am congratulating myself on not letting the fizz tip me over the edge into anything dysphoric. This is how therapy works with meds to produce function. This is how I get my life back: one good day at a time.

. . .

M had as good a day as she could. She is fully wired now, with all of her gadgets at her fingertips, and she's got more than hospital gowns to wear. She still hurts, but not as badly as yesterday. She's happier. She's even getting the edible hospital food.

And she has CdM, who is the most loving darling man we could have asked for. He's there with and for her. Where else should he be? My heart, how could any woman begrudge such support to another? How could anyone ever think that he hasn't got enough love to go around when clearly he has?

. . .

This choice we made four years ago, to give it a try, has made me so happy. I love a man who values my freedom as much as I do, and feels the depth of my love without needing to possess me. Such men are rare in the world. Such women, too. Mum and I were talking, and she said, "Flirting is just flirting. It doesn't mean anything." And I told her there were a lot of people in the world who thought flirting was a threat to their relationship. Mum's monogamous and even she understands.

I don't want to be owned. If and/or when I join a household, I want to join it with the understanding that I am still my own entity. We are multiples of 100%, not fractions, unless we're the funny kind of fractions that divide out into more than 1. Do they even have a proper name?

I will not be owned. End of.
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  #40  
Old 09-02-2012, 05:51 AM
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Default cut on the bias.

Nobody is completely without prejudice. This is mine.

I fucking hate how entwined the poly and kink communities have got. No, dammit, I'm only tiny on the outside; I have done the brain work and discovered I am fundamentally unsuited to being anything on the sub end of things. I could pro-domme under the right circumstances (read: for money, after considerable training) -- not sure who'd take me seriously, though. I mean, hello, 4'11" and hoistable. The closest I get is wanting a corset, and that's just not sexual to me.

I found myself wincing when a guy who'd caught my eye turned out to be experimenting with kink in his new configuration. Part of this is burning resentment against the catastrophe that was last winter, looking for a reason for my illness. Nice man with complications I might otherwise have handled well comes along. Nice man is not dating material while I have such pressing concerns. I've just come off a sort of annus horribilis, and now I'm looking around and there's just nobody, now. Not who understands that I've no desire to be part of a bloody leather arrangement. I am equal. You are equal. We. Are. Equal. Look, I write fiction if I want to explore weird power dynamics and it STILL comes out to "We are equal" in the end.

And since part of this damn disability shtick involves pain on many levels (muscles, joints, even nerves during really bad episodes), do you SEE me wanting to endure more? Or remotely getting off on it?

What is so passť about vanilla, I'd like to know?

So yeah, I'm disappointed and resentful and generally not happy that even the ordinary ones end up tangled in what is, in my area, not the healthiest bunch. Maybe I'd be more inclined to explore the fetish-fashion thing and model if I could see "healthy" in there anywhere. I feel unsafe even going to a meet-and-greet. I'm always wondering, "Who are you and what is your major malfunction?"

There is a great deal of malfunction in counter-culture. This is why it's laugh/cry whenever I see anyone claiming poly or kink are in any way enlightened, better, drama-free -- no. I've even pulled away from people who share elements of my spirituality because, to use imagery that makes sense to me, their yarn is hopelessly knotted. The only way to untangle those knots is to clip the good yarn free of the knots and retie it in such a way that it can still be used. I don't like to go into a situation wielding scissors, though. I prefer a skein with knots I can coax free, if there have to be knots. Mostly I prefer a skein that's not been tangled at all.

Counter me out of that. Sad as I am to lose the mutual interests, I'd have to be very carefully coaxed into certain groups by people I can trust, and remain surrounded and shielded by people I can trust. I had already had enough of adults behaving like children by the age of twenty-two. I did not wish, and do not wish, to go looking for massive repositories of them.

-- I'm discouraged today, obviously. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Or maybe I'll have more nightmares and wake up crying for my "sister" Alyx. Crapshoot.
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