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Old 12-10-2009, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I've got 20 years in the military spending months away from home. I was married before beginning deployments and was still happily married at the end of my deployment years. What happened after that was not deployment related but a product of my own weakness in connecting with myself.
I am wondering if that connection was lost somehow due to the fact that you were deployed for parts of your married life? I have heard you say before that it damaged the connection you have with your daughter because you weren't around when she was little as much as perhaps other dad's can be, but how did it, or did it, take a toll on the relationship you had with your wife?

I would wonder how poly would work for a married couple if one was away so much? How would a deep connection could be achieved? I struggle to understand this as I have never lived it and am of the view that I would not be able to achieve any long term depth with a person if I or they were away so much, poly relationship or not. Especially a poly relationship!
I think it would:
a) take a very unique and strong person to be in a marriage with someone in the military,
.... and
b) an even more unique and strong person to be POLY and be in a marriage with someone in the military.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
There is enough pressure in going away from home for half a year. It'll be hard for people not in the military to relate or even guess at what it would be like.
I think the one way it could work is if you had an established functioning relationship built long before deployments so everyone was very settled. So essentially the relationship would be support for the person left at home. In that case I could see comfort and a benefit to this.
Well, I guess this answered part of it for me.... anyone else?

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
The person deploying could probably find lots of random "fuck buddies" or friends with benefits for short periods of times but again, only if that is how poly works for you. If you want to use poly as a way to justify one night stands and plenty of flings, feel free to go that way as well as there are plenty of people just waiting for that level of permission. That is generally not based on love but a desire to get off.
I have heard that it is not acceptable for relationships to develop with other military members while deployed... this above quote sounds more like an "open relationship" with a spouse at home might work better. What about those who are away, would it be better if that "no relationships" policy were not there? Would there be more freedom and less broken families? My mum works for the military in Child and Family services, or did, and she quite often talks bout the broken homes as a result of deployment.... again... any thoughts?

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I supervise on average 15 people when deployed at sea. There is a massive amount of time dedicated to addressing their family issues as is. So while I can see the poly dynamic working for very mature individuals I don't see it being very easy in an environment filled with young people who have a hard enough time adhering to non fraternization regulations as it is LOL! If the military seems overly controlling that is because it is - but those who sign up know it.
wow, yes, that is a dynamic I hadn't thought of....! I am really so new to all this!

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
All this being said - I know poly people in the military and am not sure how it works for them. I do not deploy any more which is a good thing. Poly is a part of my life through Redpepper not because I chose it. It works because of very specific things. Going away for extended periods of time would not be a workable thing for me personally.
I am really curious to hear more... I find this so fascinating as it is soooo not been apart of my life.
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