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  #21  
Old 12-10-2009, 02:33 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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For me, I think my poly thinking was part of me dealing with jealousy and insecurity. So as I became more open to the idea of poly, I felt I could let go of some of those feelings. No longer was dating a competitive sport where the "best man wins" or whatever. Instead, people were together because they enjoyed being together. No one else can take that away.

Later, poly got me to start thinking about compersion. It took awhile of thinking about it (years) before I finally was able to internalize it. So I think poly has gradually helped me change my view of relationships and how I feel about them.
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  #22  
Old 12-10-2009, 04:32 PM
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BloodGamers BloodGamers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I have to ask what kind of disconnect exists that the happiness of you wife or partner doesn't impact your happiness.
Oh no that isn't what I meant, what i was meaning that since my wife would have someone else that could relate to her more easier.
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  #23  
Old 12-10-2009, 05:50 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I think it's really important for everyone to just grab onto the fact that these parts of ourselves are perfectly natural pieces of survival mechanisms. The difference being that via "knowledge" gained, we recognize them for what they are and nothing more. But that doesn't mean we just flip a switch and they're gone - POOF ! Depending on the culture we were raised in and personal experiences we lived, these mechanisms were granted various levels of reinforcement. Some - not so much - some a LOT. But practicing the skill of taking a deep breath and stepping back and asking the question, "is the threat perceived even real and is my reaction proportionate ?" eventually puts you in a better place. It's like any skill - takes practice. Be kind to ourselves in this process but don't let ourselves off the hook either

GS
This is one of the biggest things I have realized through all my discussions with Ouroboros and time on this forum. I am NORMAL. Everyone feels these feelings at one time or another, just understanding that simple fact, makes me take a breath and I feel much better for it.
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