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  #1  
Old 08-31-2012, 09:37 PM
monopoly4376 monopoly4376 is offline
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Default Hello :).

I'm entirely nervous doing this, so ... My name is Monica, and my boyfriend wants our relationship to evolve into a mono-poly relationship. I don't really know anything about it at all, but it is something that I believe can work out. Right now, I'm kind of in a field of the unknown, and I know that sometimes having a community, having support, can help a lot, and that's why I'm here .
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:17 PM
Skye Skye is offline
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Welcome to the board. You being mono and him poly? Is there a reason why you can't both be poly? Sorry, just asking since your intro doesn't explain very much.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:29 PM
monopoly4376 monopoly4376 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skye View Post
Welcome to the board. You being mono and him poly? Is there a reason why you can't both be poly? Sorry, just asking since your intro doesn't explain very much.
Hi, Skye . Well, he and I are kind of both new to this. We've both been mono until recently, when he expressed an interest in becoming poly. He mentioned wanting to add a girl to our relationship. Since I'm bisexual, he's hoping that I'll fall in love with the girl that he ends up (I have no idea what the term is) dating. I'll allow that might happen, of course, since I have no way of knowing. Mostly, I see how badly he wants this, and I've read a couple of websites (and a bit of The Ethical Slut), so I think that a monopoly relationship is something that can definitely work out for the two (and later three) of us. [Kind of a long explanation, sorry!] As for both of us being poly, he'd be fine with it if I either dated another girl or fell in love with the girl that he dates, but he's sensitive about me dating another guy. Mostly ... I'm just really hopeful. I've heard a lot of good things about monopoly relationships working out. I just wish I had more resources, more ways of learning, you know?
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Old 09-02-2012, 05:02 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monopoly4376 View Post
As for both of us being poly, he'd be fine with it if I either dated another girl or fell in love with the girl that he dates, but he's sensitive about me dating another guy. Mostly ... I'm just really hopeful. I've heard a lot of good things about monopoly relationships working out. I just wish I had more resources, more ways of learning, you know?
You can tell him it's problematic if you find it problematic, you know. I would. Loudly. That's known as a one-penis policy (you might find other topics on this as you look around the site).

The problem, to me as a poly person who is also queer, is this: treating sex with a woman like it's less of a big deal than sex with a man devalues sex with a woman. It's still sex. It's still love. What makes it less threatening to him? The idea that you could never find the same fulfillment with a woman? But if you're bisexual, you still could.

So why isn't he afraid of a woman coming in? Because he can have some of that? But what if she doesn't want any of what he's offering? Must she be bisexual, or can you meet a lesbian and be with her?
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:47 PM
Skye Skye is offline
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I agree this arrangement seems a bit unfair, if you like men and women you should be able to be with either. But, if it's okay with you, then you do what is right for your relationship. It seems to me that you should be able to find your own girl, though. What are the chances you will fall for who he is with? I think that is quite a gamble and it is really limiting to you.
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  #6  
Old 09-04-2012, 08:49 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hello monopoly,
Welcome to our forum.

I can sort of see where the others are coming from, as far as, it's okay for you to be involved with a new woman, but not a new man. Plus, people can rarely be sure that a new person will be equally in love with both of you, and may only be in love at all with one of you.

That said, I will add that the most important thing is what works for you. You are your own person; all your relationships will be unique. Just be careful, I guess is what I'm saying.

Glad you could join us,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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