I know exactly what you mean by "real redhead" I'm am one
or was one that's started fading years ago.
So the why now is sorta both. Operational freedom and acknowledgment of who you are and this identity. Removal of shame and guilt.
Do you see any upsides that your husband might embrace?
What where the procedures in case of the "what if you fall in love " Is this when your suppose to break the DADT? Exception 1a. notification of falling in love. Exception 1b. contraction of an STD . Exception 1c. concerns over personal safety.
How much time or interaction do you have with your BF? Could this be a subtle or not so subtle push for more. Or at least something more structured?