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Old 08-29-2012, 06:30 PM
Panda Panda is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 15
Unhappy Need help please!

Hello,

I have some serious questions that I hope you can help me with.

I am a straight 20 year old guy.

I met my girlfriend through a mutual friend.

When I started to have feelings for this girl I asked her if she was seeing anyone.

She told me that she was not but that she was pansexual.
I didn't really understand what that was, so I looked it up and basically deduced that it meant that she loves people for their hearts not their parts. I told her I was cool with that.

She told me that our mutual friend was her girlfriend and that their relationship was "interesting". That's all she told me.
I assumed that this relationship was in the past, our mutual friend lives in a different province where my girlfriend used to live until a few months ago when she moved here.

Now I see my girlfriend talking online about how she's polyamorous. She tells people she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She talks about it as if the other girl is definitely still a romantic and sexual partner, or will be when the other girl moves here where we are.

Big problem. I don't want to be in a poly relationship with her and the other girl.

I am a virgin. My girlfriend is my first serious girlfriend. She's sexually and romantically experienced with men and women, which I don't mind at all.

But I thought she and I were going to be exclusive. That is the only kind of relationship I want. Especially since this is my first relationship.

I love her very deeply. She says she loves me too. Everything is perfect EXCEPT for the fact that whenever I hear about her relationship with the other girl I feel like I'm being kicked in the guts.

She's coming over for the long weekend. We live about 2 hours away from each other and I work full time so we only see each other on weekends.

I am so nervous about talking to her about how I feel about her polyamory. I don't want to lose her but also I don't want to give her an ultimatum, like it's me or the other girl. I don't have any romantic feelings whatsoever for our mutual friend whom I've known for quite a while and I know I never will.

What should I do? I respect my girlfriends ideas, but I also wonder if the polyamory is only something she's doing because our friend talked her into it because our friend (who is older than us and has been poly for quite a while) told her it is the way to be.

I just turned 20 and my girlfriend is 19.

I'm just feeling sick over this. I love this girl so much, but I can't share her with another romantic or sexual relationship that she seems keen to continue to pursue.

I need to know what to do by the weekend when she comes here.

Please help me.

Respectfully,
Panda
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