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Old 08-27-2012, 12:10 AM
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Default why the hate here? what's it achieve?

I posted here yesterday...my boyfriend and I have been living together for three years in a dyad and we came here to discuss the idea of polyamory as not just sexual, but also spreading love and intimacy in other ways. One or two people who are single guys trying to get laid wanted to tell us that isn't polyamory (even though having sex with nobody at all doesn't seem to qualify either, guess that's why they have time for 5,000 posts on an Internet forum), but we were polite and tried to have an open-minded discussion because we assumed that people in the poly community online would be open-minded and respectful like they are in real life. Instead what happened was we got banned.

You have been banned for the following reason:
eat shit, asswipe

Date the ban will be lifted: Never
Really? Is that how the "community" in here works? We didn't break the rules, didn't say a nasty thing, didn't do anything wrong at all that we know of. Where is this spite coming from? And do you think it really helps us go forward as a community trying to be taken more seriously by the mainstream? Because I'm embarrassed and ashamed.

Edit: By the way, for mature adults, if you have a problem with someone, usually the right thing to do is to discuss it with them, not call them an "asswipe" and try to make them go away.

Last edited by 2some; 08-27-2012 at 12:14 AM.
Old 08-27-2012, 01:21 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,766

Sorry to hear that happened ... That sounds very strange and out of character to me, not what I would expect on this site. From all I've seen so far, the moderators are very careful and circumspect. I don't know how that changed in the case you described, but I hope you'll have a better experience from here on out.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Old 08-27-2012, 03:40 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

The message is a standard message that attends to bans of spammers I get to make; I take a certain glee in sending off spammers. If you weren't spamming, you weren't supposed to receive that. For that I apologize.

If you were responsible for the trollery involving trying to pass off a dyad as poly, then the thread was deleted for trolling (which is against site guidelines) and that account was banned--and for that, I won't apologize. If you're still trying to pass off dyads as polyamory, I know you'd better explain yourself straightaway or again be banned for trolling. The flippant "there's more than one in a dyad, so it's poly" nonsense won't work.

MOD NOTE: A bit of commentary on the view from here:

Like many of you folks, I was surprised to see a post from a new user that claimed to be in a poly arrangement while being a mono couple uninterested in additional relationships. I immediately wondered if that post arose from utter cluelessness about polyamory or if it were motivated by an urge to troll. I figured our regular users would sort out the first issue directly, so I only had to monitor to check for evidence of trolling. Cluelessness is fine--mono folk can come here to get educated on polyamory without it bothering us one bit.

Our regular posters started responding to the claims of a mono dyad being poly in the fashion expected. All was well.

Then the new user got cutesy in replying and stated that because "there's more than one" person in a dyad, it's poly. Oh, no...we don't play them games here. That's trolling. Deliberately twisting up definitions to claim that up is down and yellow is blue is not something one does in a reasonable discussion. To enter a poly forum and try to claim that the folk there don't know what poly is qualifies as a prime example of trolling.

Now, because that person signed on and posted that thread as the very first message posted, I figured she'd signed on just to troll, which makes it an egregious offense. The reward for egregious trolling is a ban. So I banned the account. (I was zapping a billion spammers at the time while getting interrupted regularly, so she mistakenly got the "eat shit" message I send to spammers. Yes, I'm a big meanyhead to spammers.)

Just a heads up to all reading: If you receive a notice of violation of site guidelines, particularly a ban, showing up with a new username and posting a thread about it is *not* a good way to argue that you shouldn't have been awarded points for a violation. And when told that you needed to make a good argument to a mod, posting yet another thread instead of sending a PM is pretty much guaranteed to work against you.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 08-27-2012 at 03:17 PM.
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