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Old 08-24-2012, 11:57 AM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172

Originally Posted by illflyaway View Post
I don't understand the addict comments. Addicted to what?
I don't know yet. For now, let's drop the fancy terms like addiction and codependence. You're pretty deep inside this issue, and it makes it hard for you (and I) to see what it looks like from the outside. Go back to the top of this thread and carefully reread what you wrote initially. Then reread my first reply, where I say "Both of you are insecure about something", and spend some time thinking about what I said there.

Your comfort zone is focusing most of your attention on him, and much less of your attention on you. You are not going to solve this doing that. I want you to turn that around. As you read all of the things I asked you to, focus on you and what your needs are. Don't focus on him at all. That means don't focus on what he isn't doing that you want him to do, or what he is doing that you don't want him to do. Focus on who you are and what you need or want like he isn't even there. In other words, don't ask yourself what you need and want from him - take the "from him" off the end of that sentence and ask yourself:

What do I need?

What do I want?

You have a tendency to focus on him, like you're waiting for him to do something to make it all better. These words show me this:
Originally Posted by illflyaway View Post
How do I know if it's depression or he likes things the way they are? He doesn't seem depressed to me, but he doesn't like to talk about feelings and stuff with me, either. It's so hard for me to see that he's not interested... I don't know how I could tell.

Let's focus on these questions:

Who are you?

What do you want?

Again, when you think about these questions, don't think about or talk about him at all. Think about you as if he doesn't exist. I want to see what you discover about yourself doing this.

Last edited by snowmelt; 08-24-2012 at 12:11 PM.
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