ON OPENING UP AGAIN: AS A MARRIED.
I just updated my Introduction thread to include this reply to refer back to this blog thread that talks about opening up well as a married couple.
And it's just one simple recursive loop around within my internal circuitry of Head Thinks.
I cross reference and cross index a lot. I tend to think out in webs. Not just linear, or multilinear. But knitted webs tapping many internal buckets of Logic, Reason, Emotion, Intuition, Experience, and more for possible useful reference points on the pass before I arrive at the final Conclusion. Whatever that is. A new partner would have to get used to that style of processing.
"There IS a method to my madness" is something I sometimes say to DH.
"I know I'm intense" is another.
So's "I'm trying to stay in good temper here, dude! Work with me!" which is a volume knob improvement from yesteryear's high volume of "Goddammit! I am fucking PISSED OFF! You make me NUTS!" I'm owning my own bag like an older grown up person, not a young grown up person. When I used to say he made me nuts, I know he can't MAKE me feel anything. But the SITUATION is making me nuts, and he is part of the situation making, so play ball! And play RIGHT!
He sometimes shakes his head at me and goes "You'd think after living with you so long I'd just LISTEN to you the first time and trust that you know what you know and you aren't really as crazy as you sound. Because that totally worked!"
Once we went to buy outdoor chairs at Home Depot and when we got to my car I asked if I could help him get it off the dolly.
DH: I got it.
Me: Ok. (And having learned that we end up quibbling if I press too much, I just let him OWN the Process of Putting In the Chairs. I'd done my job. I checked in. I offered. I was now doing my job again -- to let him have space to OWN IT.)
And I stood in the parking lot watching him fight with my car and our new chairs for a good long while. 5 min? 10 min?
I watched him go through cranky, fussy, upset, then wry amusement and then finally articulation.
DH: Is this one of those times where I should just listen to my Wife in the first place?
Me: Yes. Would you like me to give you advice now?
DH: (laughing) Yes. I would like to hear advice now.
Me: Stop trying to shove it in like that over and over via the trunk. It clearly will not work. You have already tested and re-tested it completely. Yay. So come in from the side via the back passenger door. It will be snug but should just fit.
DH: (executes, chairs slip in snug, but with just enough room to clear. He is pleased and amused and owns his own silly.) I should just learn to listen to my Wife more often when she offers me advice.
Me: Yes, your Wife agrees. I may not know everything, but I do know the shape of my own car pretty well.
I also know the shape of my own Mind damn well.
DH always tells me he loves that, and it's one of the many reasons he loves me. It may seem like spaghetti code all crazy. But it's more like a fractal layers. I know which one I'm on. I may not initially explain well which one I'm currently on, and may not notice if you are lost right away but that doesn't mean *I* am totally lost. I know where I am in my head. I just don't get it out of my mouth and into your ears well all the time.
I could be lost. I sometimes do get lost and brain fart. Most of the time I'm not lost though. I worry sometimes though as I age and deal in this chronic patient health biz of mine -- I'm gonna start to slip one day in Mind more permanently than the occasional brain fart. Sigh.
But that is speaking to future, and tonight? I'm in a happy layer so yay.
Happiness and off to find my honey bunny to play snuggles at bedtime. Whee!
Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-24-2012 at 06:03 PM.