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Old 08-21-2012, 06:54 PM
skakitty skakitty is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 2
Default BF is Poly, I'm finding my way

Hi,

My boyfriend and I are late 20s from the UK and have been together for 16 months and have been Long distance for 11 of those!

We originally had a monogamous relationship and then he went to study abroad for a year. He told me that he couldn't be monogamous for that length of time and that we should break up and start seeing other people.

That didn't happen, we kept in contact and realised we wanted to be together and so came to the agreement that we would have an open relationship where we would be 'together' emotionally but date other people in our respective cities.

He has been home now for a month and initially I thought we would be monogamous again (which is what I have always practised) but he told me that he feels he can love more than one person at a time and feels he is poly.

This is really difficult for me. I have a lot of issues with insecurity because of past relationships (most of the guys cheated on me) and it's tough to learn to trust again and overcome my intrusive thoughts (i've also suffered from panic attacks/general anxiety/depressive episodes since I was 15/16)

I realise however that these are my issues to confront and I will still have them whether I'm in a poly relationship or a mono one. My mind will always find something to feel insecure about and I need to work on lessening that. I have been through CBT and other therapy, it's slowly working!

We're at the stage now of hashing out between us how we both want our relationship to go, and how we're going to support each other. I would say that I am leaning towards mono, but I am open minded to change and enjoy having FWB- I am unsure if I can LOVE two people at the same time, but just because I haven't experienced it before, does not mean it can't happen!

so.. that's me. Hi
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