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Old 08-17-2012, 09:44 PM
TornHeart TornHeart is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 28

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why the fuck do you participate in threesomes if you don't want to? What the hell? Where's your backbone?

Why do you accept things that are not okay with you?

They are using you like a human sex toy and maid. This is not polyamory. You are not being respected, cherished, and loved in this situation.

You are living in a fantasy to think there is anything good in this situation for you. They are abusing you. There are better people out there to be in relationship with.

Get out of this NOW.
I agree.
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Old 08-18-2012, 04:39 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 895

Originally Posted by BirthofVenus View Post
We both are mono to him. I understand what you're saying... if wants/needs can't be met at all, the typical approach is to leave, but I'm way too invested in him to want that to happen.
Nobody is ever, ever, ever 'too invested' to leave. Women who have been married for 35 years are capable of leaving when they're being abused. Mothers of 8 and 9 children can and have left men who abuse them. Women without jobs can and do leave. You're in your twenties, no children, and only 18 months into this.

Do you want to spend the next 25 or 30 years doing her housework and childcare without so much as a thank you, crying yourself to sleep at night alone, and having threesomes that you don't even want to be having? Because that's where you're headed right now at this moment if you claim you're 'way too invested' to leave.

I feel if it was just him and I that I would love to spend infinite lifetimes with him.
I doubt it. He compares your figure to his wife's--that's not particularly kind to her (I'm assuming you compare favorably?) It sounds to me like he's pitting the two of you against one another. He's clearly allowing this situation to go on. This is not all his wife's fault. If he really wanted to spend the night with you, he could and would. If he wanted you to be treated with respect, you would be. This does not sound to me like a man who loves and respects you, deep down.
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Old 08-19-2012, 07:56 PM
ultraviolet ultraviolet is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6

Wow! My first reaction is stop having threesomes with them right away! Except on those once a month occasions when you're TRULY in the mood. Simply be honest about your reasons, that for you sex is something you prefer to be with just one other person, except when you're feeling unusually uninhibited. Maybe leave out the part of her being competitive in bed... the other reason is reason enough.

As for the other thing (no sleep overs), my heart goes out to you. That sounds very painful, and must take a lot of strength to cope with.

Personally, I could not handle being second class in a relationship with someone I deeply loved, nor would I feel ok with making my partner's other partner second class... even if I was suffering the pain of jealousy I would not want to make someone else suffer the pain of being second class just to spare me from the jealousy. That's immoral in my opinion. That doesn't mean I don't think that there can be a healthy and respectful poly relationship with primary and secondary status. But we should all prioritize how to make sure that each of us suffers as little as possible

On the other hand, each poly relationship will have different boundaries or rules and I try to understand and respect them (within certain limits).

I can think of only four options for how to deal with this:

1) Try to persuade her directly. (I know you said she's stubborn but if you tell her how much it's hurting you, she might surprise you with compassion. I know that when I've been jealous of my partner's partner, thinking of how she too can experience jealousy and insecurity and loneliness and etc. helps melt negative feelings towards her into caring and sympathy.)

2) Try to persuade your boyfriend to try to persuade his girlfriend to change that rule, or be more flexible about it. (Maybe he's already tried doing this, but if you tell him how much it's hurting you, he will hopefully keep trying and trying, and maybe even insist)

3) Continue with things as they are

4) Break up with him

I wish there were other options but I don't see any. I hope one of the first two options work! I would try persuade her directly before trying to get him to do so.

Good luck and keep us updated

Last edited by ultraviolet; 08-19-2012 at 08:18 PM.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:17 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,344

If, when you express a desire for sleepovers and your sadness you don't get that, the only reaction from your bf is the cold shoulder, ask yourself: why do I "love" a man who responds to my feelings with coldness and rejection?

From your own words, it really seems they are just using you as a sex toy and domestic slave. You deserve better.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Seeing Rick and Glori (MF partnered, both 33 and poly) since September 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
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Old 08-20-2012, 02:09 PM
cuninglingwist cuninglingwist is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 29
Default the bottom line

When it started I guess the free outings and having sex with both was exciting and fun to have a married couple wanting you, in a way I carnt blame her for being selfish with him, obviously she can see your love for him is a threat and she dosent want to lose him to you,
over time you have become their willing bisexual sex slave, however your fantasy of you and him being together has taken over your mind, you need to understand, being their sex slave is all you will ever be, its the way they both want it otherwise things would have changed by now if he felt the same way as you. besides he has to much to lose and nothing to gain except your pussy, and he and his wife get that for free so why change? I think you need your own man in your life, one that is openminded who will encourage you to enjoy your oral passions alone with another girl, or alone with him, or experiance the joy of all sleeping together and waking up together, but in your situation its never going to happen, your just their sex slave. Some girls love being in a sex slave situation, but obviously its not for you. you want a future with your own man. my last bi-girlfriend was a dedicated proffesional in her field and was transfered across country, when her girlfriend stayed the night to have a three some with us, I would get up first to make coffee for us all, to walk in the bedroom and see them curled up naked in each others arms sleeping like babys, so at peace with themselves is so precious, and the joy on their faces when they woke up and their wamness towards me is irriplacable, thats why I can never be with strait closed minded jealous females anymore, a girl that can love a man and loves eating pussy as much as i do and willing to share a girl together are precious, so I dont think you would have a problem replacing your sex master and his jealous wife that are mentaly hurting you, you need to start thinking positive about geting out of this dead end, thinking about yourself and your own needs. not theirs. Most important is NOT geting involved with a closed minded man, your wonderful oral skills and need for both man and woman will be rejected, you need an openminded man to encourage you, a man who understands your attraction and need to oral a willing female is now part of who you are as a person, not looked upon as cheating or some deathly sin but as a wonderful gift that you bring to your relationship.
The fact you came hear tells me I know you will do well, life will change for you.
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