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Old 08-20-2012, 09:21 AM
charlesgarnier charlesgarnier is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Toronto
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I don?t want to spend time to explain why I cheated Anna, to what point I consider it can be excused and to what point I'm guilty. I agree I betrayed her in some way, and even if I explain how and why, you have the right to judge me. Nobody should ever cheat, many do, many judge. That's life. We should have talk more deeply of our needs, of how to behave if something occurs, I have regrets about that. I know some would divorce and throw up a wonderful marriage and a family for one single cheating, Anna and I are not this kind of person, I am rather proud of that. Anyway, I need her to forgive me, and that was the first step of our rebuilding. Of course Anna can divorce in good material conditions, I will help her to. Divorcing is never neutral, but she can do that if she wants. She?s courageous enough to divorce anyway if she finds it the best solution and I do not want her to stay with me for bad reasons.

To be clear, you don't help me by saying I had an unethical behavior. I know that, my only issue is what to do next.

I think you don't understand how strongly I fell in love with Chris. I have never felt something like that. I think of her almost every single minute. We share an average of one sms every 20 minutes since three years. Not leaving together is a terrible decision.

I think you don't understand how strongly I love Anna. We grew up together, she is my complement. We trust each other, we need each other, we are proud of each other. She is a wonderful woman, I am proud of being married to her.

I could have quit Anna to Chris. Some of you, finding a passionate love, would have done that, I'm sure. It was not my choice, neither was it Chris'one.

I could have quit Chris. I would have lived the rest of my life thinking perhaps I had lost the love of my life. I think Anna and Chris' husband understood that and don't think it is easy rebuilding a happy marriage on a background of a frustrated passion. I would have had the same reasonment the same for Anna.

After months of discussion, initial cheating is becoming to be beyond us. From the moment everybody knows everything, there is no more cheating, that?s clear for me. The situation is transparent. Everybody can afford to leave (even on the material point of view), so not leaving is a choice. Marriage is not a prison. Everybody is free.

I know I can quit Anna and Chris, look for somebody new by saying "hello now I know I?m poly, I propose you an ethical agreement" But I don't find it a good solution. I have to do with the real situation.

Anna is not sure to be mono. She is questioning about that. We are questioning. So do Chris and I. I exclude nothing. I just look for a path for happiness for me and for those I love. I think strongly that there is a better way than extreme grief and suffering.
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