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Old 08-18-2012, 03:21 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I too got shocked by the "don't want to set that expectation". What expectation? The expectation of honesty that he agreed with at the beginning but then never delivered on?
I'm beginning to think they idiot ment that he didn't want to set himself up to expect sex.
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Old 08-18-2012, 04:31 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Originally Posted by TornHeart View Post
I say goodbye.
Even if it took a little "liquid courage" well done. I really feel that you did the right thing. I am curious as to whether he bothers to contact you and try to talk things through with you. You said before that he was a good salesman, so be prepared for him to try the sales job on you again.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 08-18-2012, 06:23 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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TornHeart, well done. Sad that you found him in the company of someone who is likely a far better person than he is, isn't it? But let's let her cope with his crap. You are out of it now.

Second step: no postmortems. No long strings of emails. CdM's right; he may well try to sell you on why the relationship needs to continue. (I can say this from painful personal experience. In my case, the prize specimen wrote up the loss of my virginity and tried to send it to me.)

You owe no explanation; his friend probably has a good idea of why, anyhow. You owe no closure. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you into thinking otherwise.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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Old 08-18-2012, 08:54 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Good for you!!! The only thing I take issue with is this: "He says I'm being confrontational, which I was... and I know in hindsight I shouldn't have been." What's wrong with being confrontational now and then when the situation calls for it? Good on you for not standing for his lack of integrity. Good for her for also standing up for honesty. Best of luck moving on!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 08-18-2012, 09:03 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Yes. His actions needed to be confronted. Good job. Stay strong.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 08-18-2012, 10:20 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Good for you! Taking a stand and defending your very reasonable limit of TELL FIRST. Sheesh!

She sounded much saner than him - but they are no longer your problem.

Hold your head high.


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Old 08-18-2012, 11:36 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Good job! Now cut off all contact with him and keep it that way. Don't let him back in.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-19-2012, 08:44 PM
TornHeart TornHeart is offline
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I did get a text saying he apologizes for what happened. he said his intention wasn't to deceive but that he sees how i feel he did. he says i'm important to him and that if i need anything at all that i could let him know. otherwise, he said he'd let me be. he ended his text with 'cheers'.


The sad thing for me is I think he doesn't think he's in the wrong. He stresses on things like how in The Ethical Slut poly people are encouraged to continually change their own rules. So maybe in his head he's changed his rules and therefore he's right to do as he pleases. I doubt he's sorry at all.
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Old 08-19-2012, 08:48 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Don't worry about what he feels or thinks. He's weird.

Worry about YOU and your thinks and feels and now that his murky waters are out of your buckets, your mental health bucket, emotional health bucket, physical health bucket, and spiritual health bucket are going to improve.


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Old 08-20-2012, 12:09 AM
ParadigmCrime ParadigmCrime is offline
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heh posts like this make me confused.. but i guess its just my take on poly.

Sure Im poly, but its probably years down the line before I even think I might love one of my flings.

I tell people Im poly... i dunno I guess people jump into love with poly, as fast as mono people do!?

Not me..

I guess Im mostly FWB type person, until something fruits from it. I dont believe in love at first sight, I dont believe in jumping into serious relationships.. at minimum.. MINIMUM a year of getting to know eachother, its -possible- it might be serious

and/.... always always always use protection!

My recent EX and I, didnt have many rules.. but protection was a must unless it was between us, or with someone else that the other was also with, who they fucked unprotected.. because... well it doesnt really matter at that point? There were two other people in our 9 yr history.. that yes, we both were sexual and had relations of some sort with.. strangely? never at the same time.. First was my other lover, who I was actually poly with. She had a fling with her, but both were serious with me on their own. The second was her other lover, who I had a fling with, but she was serious with both of us on her own ?? confusing I guess.. but not really
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