Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 08-07-2012, 01:49 PM
Daydreaming Daydreaming is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 3
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
I think that is an understandable reaction to have, and that was the point of my question. How do other guys cope with that?
It actually goes both ways. My BF want to open up our relationship after 4 years, and I cannot imagine him having sex with another woman.....AGHhhhhhhhh. How does one make it work or cope with it?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 08-07-2012, 11:17 PM
Brid75 Brid75 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 32
Default

How does my husband cope with it? He does not want to know that much about it, he insists that I keep that side of my life seperate from us and our family. I respect his wishes.

At first he was mad, but not that mad. He excepts that he has a very low libido, he has no problem with this and never did have. Our sex life was always poor, and I needed so much more than he was willing or able to give and he came to terms with that. Our marriage was, and still is really great in all other areas. I no longer initiate sex with my husband, even now I feel a sense of rejection when he is not interested. We now have sex when he wants to, and I have another fantastic man in my life who provides for me sexually.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 08-08-2012, 01:36 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,281
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post

Dude and I have sex way more often than MrS and I do. MrS and I practically live inside each others minds. So, yes, Dude is my primary sexual partner and MrS is my primary emotional partner.

JaneQ
That is something like how I operate with miss pixi and Ginger. miss p and I get along great emotionally, but her sex drive doesnt come near Ginger's. However, after now 7 months, he and I have come to be quite close emotionally. However, since he is a bit Aspie, he doesnt get me the way she does, things can take more explaining. He's more rational (nowhere near like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory, but sometimes there are similarities...).

Taken together, we make a great team. We've had 3way sex now, 3 times, and when she is with us 2 horndogs, it seems to inspire her sex drive! Ginger and she are quite attracted to each other. Very interesting dynamic. I am the only one experiencing any fleeting jealousy, and we are working through how to prevent that quite well in the last few weeks.

All of us are firmly polyamorous, so we don't have any mono issues/programming to deal with. We are just having to learn how to give space for their dyad to develop in the midst of my dyad with her, my dyad with him, and our 3way friendship/loveship.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 08-18-2012, 10:59 AM
Ttree Ttree is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 25
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
When it comes to looking after finances, or our child, or emotional support, time spent together, love, friendship and physical affection etc etc, I am my girls primary!

The only part of her life where I'm not, is when it comes to satisfying her sexual needs, in this area I'm secondary to my metamour.

I was wondering how common this is, and also how other guys cope with this situation.

The same question applies to the ladies.

Thanks.

Look, you're talking to polyamorists, an indication of the fact that defining a prescribed social "norm" does not work for everyone. You sound happy with the arrangements. What you should really be asking is not questioning us whether it is normal but asking yourself whether you do feel happy and satisfied and secure with this relationship. You and her could always engage in more sex, or try some variety, or just ask her how she feels about you or your comparative lack of sexual activity.
It all comes down to what YOU all want in your relationships. That is how you will find out if you are truly happy.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 08-18-2012, 12:50 PM
InHateOF's Avatar
InHateOF InHateOF is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 5
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
That is something like how I operate with miss pixi and Ginger. miss p and I get along great emotionally, but her sex drive doesnt come near Ginger's. However, after now 7 months, he and I have come to be quite close emotionally. However, since he is a bit Aspie, he doesnt get me the way she does, things can take more explaining. He's more rational (nowhere near like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory, but sometimes there are similarities...).

Taken together, we make a great team. We've had 3way sex now, 3 times, and when she is with us 2 horndogs, it seems to inspire her sex drive! Ginger and she are quite attracted to each other. Very interesting dynamic. I am the only one experiencing any fleeting jealousy, and we are working through how to prevent that quite well in the last few weeks.

All of us are firmly polyamorous, so we don't have any mono issues/programming to deal with. We are just having to learn how to give space for their dyad to develop in the midst of my dyad with her, my dyad with him, and our 3way friendship/loveship.
That actually sounds great, I wish I could find something like that
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 08-18-2012, 09:37 PM
Nathan Nathan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 40
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttree View Post
Look, you're talking to polyamorists, an indication of the fact that defining a prescribed social "norm" does not work for everyone. You sound happy with the arrangements. What you should really be asking is not questioning us whether it is normal but asking yourself whether you do feel happy and satisfied and secure with this relationship. You and her could always engage in more sex, or try some variety, or just ask her how she feels about you or your comparative lack of sexual activity.
It all comes down to what YOU all want in your relationships. That is how you will find out if you are truly happy.
Yes, we are all very happy with the way things are at the moment. My girl and I make love all the time, there is plenty of sexual activity between us, it has lessened of late because she is seeing more of her lover, I'm happy for her to do so, we still make plenty of time for us though.

I wasn't asking if it's the "norm," I was wondering out of interest and curiosity how common it is for guys who are their girls primary, to be secondary when it comes to sex, and also how they feel about it. I'm fine with it, I'm not going to get upset just because her other love gives her more orgasms then me, in fact it turns me on. He has always been her dom but is now also her bull, and is free to be with her whenever he wants.

Like I said, I'm curious if there are any other guys who feel the same way, or not?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 08-19-2012, 01:47 AM
Lifeisgood Lifeisgood is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 13
Default

We are in our early 30s and I have been with my wife for 15 yrs, 10 married. I guess I have had more practice with her, as she says I know how to take care of her the best, lol. But don't get me wrong. She has had awesome times with her friend(s). People do things differently. How do I say this without getting too graphic...He was extremely talented orally, and me not as much. But I know how to do other things that he couldnt do as well. It doesn't upset me when she would tell me about it though, if it did, we prob wouldn't be doing it at all to begin with. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-19-2012, 11:44 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,281
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InHateOF View Post
That actually sounds great, I wish I could find something like that
It is great, and I hope you do! It took a lot of work to get to this point in my love life.

BTW, I love your Johnny avatar! But what is up with the "hate?"
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-19-2012, 06:24 PM
Brid75 Brid75 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 32
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
Yes, we are all very happy with the way things are at the moment. My girl and I make love all the time, there is plenty of sexual activity between us, it has lessened of late because she is seeing more of her lover, I'm happy for her to do so, we still make plenty of time for us though.

I wasn't asking if it's the "norm," I was wondering out of interest and curiosity how common it is for guys who are their girls primary, to be secondary when it comes to sex, and also how they feel about it. I'm fine with it, I'm not going to get upset just because her other love gives her more orgasms then me, in fact it turns me on. He has always been her dom but is now also her bull, and is free to be with her whenever he wants.

Like I said, I'm curious if there are any other guys who feel the same way, or not?
Nathan, you seem so cute, and you have a very refreshing attitude towards sex, if only all guys were the same, I think a lot of relationships would be less stressful, and longer lasting.

I see that you use the term bull to describe you g/fs lover, I guess this means your both still into that cuckold roleplay. Lol.....You both seem to have got to a great place, and I think that your g/f is lucky to have you.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08-20-2012, 04:17 PM
Aurelie26 Aurelie26 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 94
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brid75 View Post
Nathan, you seem so cute, and you have a very refreshing attitude towards sex, if only all guys were the same, I think a lot of relationships would be less stressful, and longer lasting.

I see that you use the term bull to describe you g/fs lover, I guess this means your both still into that cuckold roleplay. Lol.....You both seem to have got to a great place, and I think that your g/f is lucky to have you.
He is very cute, and I know how lucky I am to have him. As for the cuckold roleplay...........Well, not exactly, but we do have our own thing, and all three of us are very turned on by it.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
secondaries, secondary, sex, sexual relations, sexual relationships

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:55 PM.