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  #71  
Old 07-15-2012, 04:43 AM
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LadyKane LadyKane is offline
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Isn't it interesting how much we can change in a matter of months by just changing the way we look at things?
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My little poly family:

me- (25/pan/f/poly/Libra)
XIV- my husband (25/bi/m/poly/Taurus-Gemini cusp)
Doodle- my son (11 months little Leo baby)
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  #72  
Old 07-16-2012, 11:26 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Monday - A Unique Outlook

This isn't directed at anyone, about anyone, or because of anyone. It's something I've been thinking about after a conversation I had and after seeing lots of revelation type posts on fetlife, which I joined for their poly groups.

~~~~~

The Shallow End
By Kyle

Society teaches me that you're fat,
But I'm shallow,
And you've never been healthier.

Society teaches me you're beautiful,
But I'm shallow,
And you're anorexic.

School teaches me you're not very smart,
But I'm self-centered,
And you're just bad at taking tests.

School teaches me that I can cheat through life,
But now I'm a burden on society,
And now you have to support me.

Church tells me you're a sinner,
But my marriage is crumbling,
And you and your three spouses couldn't be happier.

Church teaches me that you're a fag,
But I'm a closet homo,
And you don't have to hide who you are.

The government teaches me that you're scum,
But before you it was the blacks,
And we hate you because we want your oil.

The government teaches me that you're an illegal alien,
But they give you tons of benefits to come here,
And at least you can sleep without fear of being killed.

Common sense teaches me that I shouldn't judge others,
But being judged has jaded my views,
And it's easier than facing my own flaws.

Common sense teaches me that I should accept others for who they are,
But everything in life is working against that,
And common sense really isn't common anymore.

I'm shallow, conceited, pompous, and intolerant,
But you know what?
So are you.

~~~~~

Everyone has had thoughts like the one above or one of a million other combinations. We are all judgmental. Work on making yourself better. Stop worrying about others, both what you think about them and what they think about you.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old

Last edited by KyleKat; 07-17-2012 at 01:07 AM.
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  #73  
Old 07-20-2012, 04:30 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Thursday - Nightmares Not Yet Had

Today was an interesting day. I started talking to a poly couple that's interested in becoming friends with my wife and I. I am interested and excited to see where this will go.

In other news, I bought a game called amnesia today. I already regret it and I haven't even installed it. Scariest fucking game ever. I hate horror. I'm going to piss myself.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #74  
Old 07-24-2012, 05:09 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Monday - Double Date

Today my wife and I went on a date with another married couple in the area. We had met them a couple of months ago online and talked for a little while but never got the chance to meet up. After reconnecting a week ago we finally find the time and got together.

Mind = Blown

That was probably the best two and a half hour dinner date ever. We hit it off amazingly and made plans to see each other again on Wednesday. Unfortunately, due to my job and this week's schedule I have to work weird hours and that interfered with today a little. Hopefully Wednesday goes better in that regard. Friday they leave for a trip and they'll be gone for a week or so, but damn. It was awesome.

You know, drama posts are much more fun to read. Lol.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #75  
Old 07-25-2012, 12:56 AM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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LOL! I disagree. Reading posts full of drama can be emotionally draining if I don't exercise some self-control and go peruse other threads. Love that your experience went better than expected, good even. A Mind = Blown? Always win.

Keep us posted.
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  #76  
Old 07-25-2012, 02:43 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Wednesday - Build Up

During a conversation with my wife yesterday she brought up that she thought things were moving at a quicker pace than she felt comfortable with. There's more to it than that but she can tell the story herself if she wants. Anyway, this is no problem to me. I'm completely fine taking it at whatever pace she's comfortable with. It irked me that I was finding out about some of her reservations later than I'd have liked but what can you do? I'm just going to let it go and see what happens tonight.

My initial fear was that we led the other couple on but now I feel silly for thinking that. They are obviously adults as well and I don't think they're going to show up with beer and a roll of condoms yelling "Let's do this!" haha. if they aren't willing to go at a slower, more reasonable pace, then it will be obvious we are not compatible and I just don't see them being like that.

I think things will go well tonight.

In other news, conversations with A have picked up some. I'm not sure if she's being cautious or if I'm just reading into things but I still haven't felt like we're connecting the way we used to before everything blew up. My wife reiterated how she wants me to go visit and have a mini-vacation. I want to but I keep feeling like the timing isn't right. I don't know. I need to talk to A about it.

Specifically regarding my wife, things have been going way better lately. I am so in love with that girl. I have told her how lucky I am and she keeps saying "only because I let you sleep with other people." She's joking but it's more than that to me. I'm just happy I found someone so amazing.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #77  
Old 07-26-2012, 03:08 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Wednesday - The Cookout

The afternoon started off pretty great. I cooked on the grill (fucking hot out it was!) while Katie entertained the guests. We sat down and ate along with my crazy ass kids and had an overall great time. Eventually the kids went to bed and we stayed up talking with them until sometime after 2 AM! I had to work a few times (I was on call, but I can work from home) but otherwise we were uninterrupted.

The NRE is super powerful. I have a feeling it's because I'm finally able to experience the poly life and I have a beautiful wife that loves me and is enjoying herself just as much as I am. I'm thankful I found this forum and finally know about NRE. I would hate to screw this up over emotions I thought were something else. Now I know what to look for and I know how to keep them in check.

Living poly is fun!
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #78  
Old 07-28-2012, 06:10 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Saturday - Already?

Where did Thursday and Friday go? Oh right, I was up until 3 AM on Wednesday and went to my in-laws (two hour drive one way) on Thursday. Friday was filled with talking to the wife of the couple we met. Since it looks like I'm going to be talking about both her and her husband for a while it is time to give them names. I made a mistake choosing letters before. That gets confusing. I shall call him BandGeek and her DragonTattoo. Yeah that's going to be much easier...

On to the point of this entry. They headed out on their vacation today. It is going to last about a week. I was trying to let her spend time with her husband and so didn't text her first this morning. I have a bad habit of smothering and since two relationships are at risk here I am playing this way more cautious than normal. It worked out in my favor. She messaged me that she was bored and we ended up talking for the rest of the day until they stopped for the night and she fell asleep. We talked about carsickness and roller coasters and our significant others and just... everything. Too much to remember. Every single comment from one of us immediately has the other going "omg! Me too!". It is amazing that we have so much in common.

Meanwhile, Rymmare and BandGeek seem to be hitting it off very well. He's obviously into music and music was almost my wife's major in college. So she's finding that part of herself again. I can tell she's starting to like him because she's starting to get panicky like she did when we met. It's adorable but she mistook my happiness for her as me laughing at her misfortune. I quickly corrected that and we had long discussions about how I felt about her and how much I loved her.

I feel like the luckiest guy in the world right now. I have two stunningly gorgeous women that are into me and I've made a new male friend that is pretty damn cool too. It's just ... awesome. Barney Stinson Legendary.

There was a little downside for today. Rymmare and I got into a minor argument. We were interrupted during happy time and she had talked herself into a bad mood and it just went from there. It was remedied before it got out of hand and then we were able to resume being intimate and we were both much happier after.

It's late and I'm tired so I'm going to wrap this up. Right before DragonTattoo went to bed she texted me, "I like you." That's it. I said it back (it's true) and then told her it sounded like someone had a crush on me. She confessed she did. Yet another thing we have in common. We both develop emotions very quickly as opposed to our counterparts. Neither way is bad, just another interesting observation.

I freaking love poly.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #79  
Old 07-30-2012, 03:18 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Sunday - Funday

Last night my wife and I went into town. We were bored and both of us wanted to do something we don't normally have time for and that we have wanted to do for a long time. We finally had the money so I got a new tattoo and she got some piercings. It was my first tattoo. Yay! It was a good time.

Spent the majority of today at a friend's house with a bunch of other friends. We played board and magic games. Rymmare had a headache and I started to feel sick (likely from my lack of sleep due to my job) but we ended up staying just as long as we normally do because we were stuck in a never ending game.

I talked to DragonTattoo throughout the day and am continuing to get to know her better. All the conversations have continued to be the same. She taught me something new. Specifically, she taught me about a relation between my kinesthicism and my need for physical affection. I hadn't ever connected the dots but now that I have everything makes so much more sense. I feel somewhat silly for not realizing it earlier.

Things are going well. There's simply too much to say.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #80  
Old 08-16-2012, 02:36 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284
Default Wednesday - Half Weak

Last time I posted things were going pretty well between us and the other couple. The next time we saw them, that kind of fell apart. Nothing they did, but we were all moving way too fast and everyone was just a little uncomfortable. I ended up saying something to DragonTattoo that I really should just have sat on, but I felt at the time that I wasn't being honest if I didn't. After talking with Rymmare, I realized that it was a big mistake.

We're all taking it much slower now, which is outright killing me. Anyone who's read this blog up to this point knows how quickly things move for me (and how I need constant attention) so slamming on the brakes is the hardest thing I've ever done. As Rymmare mentioned, 2 days of non-intimacy is like a year of non-intimacy for me. Just how I'm wired. Anyway, I don't want to get into the meat of that. It's not important.

Rymmare and I decided that it would be best if we saw a pro-poly counselor. There's some stuff that she's still uncomfortable with and that I don't have the ability to help her through because of my lack of experience in this world and my lack of professional training (obviously). I'm happy to be going again, actually. Having someone to talk to is very beneficial and we quit previously because we weren't seeing someone who was pro-poly and after they helped us realize we truly weren't as bad off as we thought, well, there really wasn't a need any longer.

Rymmare and I have had several heart-to-hearts recently. The best one was yesterday. She told me she felt like everyone else gets happy Kyle, and she gets sad panda Kyle. She feels like she doesn't make me happy and that I'm using poly as an excuse to go find happiness while staying in the relationship so I can support her and the kids. Since I am strongly opposed to divorce and I don't like split-families, she thinks that is causing me to hang on to something that is failing. I told her that's not the case, and that no one makes me as happy as she does. I also told her that she worries about my happiness too much, and that I am frequently more happy than she believes. I will strive to do a better job of showing her that.

One such display of affection was to take her to a movie showing of Grease at one of the nearby movie theaters as a surprise, on Tuesday. It's one of her favorite musicals/movies but she had never seen it on the movie screen and I've never seen it all the way through. It was actually pretty good! I hadn't ever sat down to watch it because seeing John Travola play this silly kid was pretty rough, but I just enjoyed it for what it was and ended up pretty happy that we went.

I realize a lot of the fears she has are from my inability to properly show her how I feel and that she means the world to me. I need to do a better job of being happy when I'm around her and (as GG puts it) making sure I handle my own buckets. Making sure I don't slosh all over her.

I've also been running and exercising a lot more. This helps to alleviate my depression. I hadn't run for 4 or 5 days and so I had to make up a day on Tuesday. Then yesterday I started week three, which is much more difficult than week two. It's supposed to be Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but because I'm playing catchup it's Tues-Fri this week. Half Weak indeed.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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