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Old 08-16-2012, 12:55 PM
Kesrie's Avatar
Kesrie Kesrie is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Glasgow, Scotland. Originally from Cork, Ireland but spent my teenage years near Belfast, N. Ireland
Posts: 4
Default Polyamorous heartbreak

Hi. So this is my first post on these forums. Before I get into the main topic of this post though, I'd like to give you a little background.

Over the last few months I've really started growing as a person. I've discovered really strong feelings towards issues faced by women, LGBQ people, trans* people, or anyone from any oppressed group. Oh, and I'm a gay, white cismale. I also discovered in recent times that I identify as poly.

Now, to give you a bit of background on my relationship. I'm currently engaged to the love of my life who I intend to eventually settle down with and have kids, in a more traditional way. This is partly due to the fact that, while my partner has an interest in a temporary polyamorous lifestyle, I don't think he would identify himself as poly; his interest is more for my sake.

About two months ago, Leslie (my partner) and I started to have a thing with a mutual friend of ours, Gregor. Without getting too graphic, we each spent a night at Gregor's independently of each other (but with full consent from the other, of course). This was the week before Leslie and I got engaged. When we came back from Ireland a week later, Leslie went straight to the other side of Scotland to see his family and go to a festival, so I was alone in Glasgow for a week. After getting Leslie's "permission", as it were, I ended up spending 3 or 4 nights at Gregor's. Though initially it was kind of just about the sex, Gregor and I really got to know each other over the course of the week, and we really bonded.

When Leslie got back, I was hoping that the two of them would end up bonding in the same way Gregor and I did, but this unfortunately wasn't the case. So it was only around this time that I started realising I was poly, and I introduced the idea to Leslie, and then to Gregor. Both of them were interested in giving it a go, and over the last month and a half, the three of us have been spending a lot of time together, and I also spent a lot of alone time with Gregor. Leslie spent time alone with Gregor too, but not as much as me.

So Gregor and I continued to get closer and closer, but he didn't really feel the same way about Leslie.

Anyway, last night he told me that on Saturday he realised he was falling in love with me. I've been having similar thoughts towards him this past week. But he told me how he just couldn't do it any more; he couldn't be in love with someone that wasn't "his". And the worst part is, I totally understand. I'm not used to being faced with a problem that there's no solution to. He wants to eventually settle down with one person, and a big part of him now wants it to be me, but it can't because I love Leslie more than anything. I wish I could split into two people, one of them spending the rest of my life with Leslie, and the other spending the rest of my life with Gregor.

I'm absolutely heartbroken, because I really do love him, and even thinking about him right now sets me off crying again.

I didn't come here with a question, or looking for advice, I know there's nothing I can do. I just needed to get this off my chest in one big block (sorry for the wall of text).

If you actually read this far, wow, thank you.
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