Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-09-2009, 01:26 AM
lipsnlace's Avatar
lipsnlace lipsnlace is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 43

My name is Raven and I'm currently a 21-year-old senior Biology major at a private liberal arts university in the Pacific Northwest.

As a biologist, I've always wondered why humans seem determined to deny their animal instincts in as many areas of their lives as they can. I've never felt that there was a limit to the amount of love one person could have, so being able to only share your love with one person seemed like a greater constriction than was necessary. If people could share their love more freely, we'd be a happier people, and would be able to be more true to our animal nature.

I met my fiance when I was 13, and we've had 8 years of friendship and love since then. In the last few years, it has turned into a romantic love that we share with one another. We've always had different ideas about sexuality and love than most, and were intrigued when a poly friend introduced us to the idea. After discussing the theory and implications of being polyamorous, we've decided that we're right for it. It's been a challenging but happy road since then.

Any questions, just ask.

Don't try to tell me who you are; tell me who you love.

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.
-- Jennifer Edwards

Last edited by lipsnlace; 12-10-2009 at 02:47 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2009, 10:54 AM
purpledreamer purpledreamer is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 10
Red face she dreamed of purple love

Hi, My name is Jo and I'm a 25 year female from Australia.
I am currently studying to be a Naturopath, and decided about 5 years that I wanted to dedicate my life to personal development and experiencing growth and expansion as a human as i navigate my way through the world in this lifetime.

Yoga is a huge passion of mine and yogic philosophy underpins a lot of my beliefs and understandings about life, mixed up with a little buddhism, feminism, passion and purpledreamer-ism... I like to challenge my beliefs and marvel at how I can be, feel and think one thing, and its complete opposite, at the same time...

I am bisexual, however most of my sexual experiences have been with men, and all of my long term partners have been men.
I've had some pretty negative relationships in the past, which led to a developing interest in people and how we relate, and especially about concepts of love and what makes up a relationship. I guess I always imagined we could be relating in much greater ways than we were. I imagined relationships that challenged ego, pushed for growth, and that saw love conquering all... Although unfortunately this idea eventually manifested itself as me loving people, despite the horrible ways in which they treated me.

However luckily for me it was all perfect (isn't it always ) as this prompted the commencement of my journey toward developing true self love and acceptance.
As a part of this journey, I found myself listening to various 'alternative' podcasts about sex and sexuality, gender and relationships, reading books, looking at website and found my ideas regarding the possibilities for my life and my relationships expanding.

In the last two years specifically, I feel like I have come into myself as a woman, and am living in an way that sees me transforming into a more empowered and loving woman every day, as I find myself developing and sustaining healthier ideas about myself, my sexuality, my place in this world, and the universe.

I have recently (about 6 months ago) become involved with IamWhoIam, who has two other significant others in his life.
I had been intrigued by the idea of polyamory and also open relationships and swinging. I felt challenged just thinking about myself in a relationship like that, I thought 'I could never handle that'. That thought just seemed to interest me in it all the more as I wondered why I felt such a strong challenge to it, and I felt a clinging about it, and then wanted to figure out why.
I found it fitting that a few months later I met IamWhoIam. I didn't intend on becoming romantically involved with him (although I did find the fact that he had two girlfriends VERY intriguing), but it didn't take long for 'head' to lose any say in the matter, as this kind hearted, intelligent and extremely loving man is someone that you just can't not love. He shares my ideas regarding growth and personal development and often has me in awe at his dedication to his discipline. We don't spend much time together, but I have felt more loved by him, than any romantic partner I have ever had in my life. I also feel free to love him in a way that can move, grow, change, and where I feel allowed to be everything that I am. He is without a doubt the most amazing individual I have ever known in my life (apart from myself of course), and I love him to bits.

What I thought would be the biggest challenge (the idea of a loved one being intimate with another), has actually not really been an issue for me.
Mainly I have found the practicalities of the relationship and time constraints the hardest thing to adjust to. Not seeing and speaking to each other often.

There has also been some struggling and negativity between myself and his live in partner, mainly to do with this being a new experience for everyone involved, and it has surfaced insecurities for us both. And while its a bit sticky at the moment, I have confidence that it will all work out well eventually as she is a lovely girl, and so I am...(so how can it not work out :P)

While not really liking labelling our relationship, a struggle I have had is essentially being a secondary, and not feeling as though our relating is as 'valid' or allowed as his and his live-in SO. This challenges me a bit.
Whether this is something I am happy to accept or not for my life for the future I am not sure, but I imagine as other relationships in my life change form, and does my life, my perception of this will change, even if 'it' doesn't.

I have also recently told my parents and friends about my relationship, all who seemed to accept it quite easily, which I was pleasantly surprised about. I feel they just think its another random phase I am going through...but either way, I appreciate their acceptance.

I have found this forum, and other like it such a wonderful resource, and wish to thank everyone who contributes on here. I don't post much, but do read a lot, and have found lots of answers, peace and strength through reading of similar struggles to mine, and also just other 'life' stuff. Thanks guys

I feel blessed to have discovered polyamory, as it allows me to love in a way that feels open, free and grounded in truth. I love being able to love without boundaries, without rules. Because if it has rules, is it really even love?

Many blessings and love to you all.

Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-2009, 09:19 AM
Sweetheart's Avatar
Sweetheart Sweetheart is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in my mind
Posts: 125

Hello everyone!

I am Sweetheart, and I have been living a poly lifestyle since 1994.

I found out about poly from the book "Love Without Limits", which I found in a bookstore and bought without realizing what it was about! Reading it opened my mind to the concept, but I didn't think I would ever actually live that kind of life.

Then in 1994, I made friends with a young woman who lived a poly lifestyle, and it was my 1st exposure to a successful poly situation. I really got to know her, and we ended up becoming best friends. After we had known each other for quite a while, she asked how I would feel if we became lovers. Actually, we had loved each other for a long time by then, so it was pretty natural. Eventually, she moved away, but we stayed in touch and are still best friends. All my relationships up to that time had been mono.

After that, I stayed involved in the poly community, and made a lot of friends. I have been in several different Vs and triads over the years.

I met my wife R in 1996 and we have been married since 1998. She has had many lovers, both male and female, and identifies herself as "mostly lesbian". Together, we have been in several poly relationships.

We have been involved in poly for what seems like a long time, and occasionally go to poly events such as the Loving More conferences.

My Poly Relationships:

Lasted about 3 years. Not exactly a quad, but close. I was sexually intimate with one woman, but emotionally romantic with the other. The other man was sexually intimate with both women, but never both at the same time (both women were straight). He and I were never sexual with each other, but were good friends. Eventually, one of the women moved on and things settled into a V for a while, until I met someone mono and dated her exclusively for a while. The others in the V stayed friends with me for years afterwards.

I met a woman through a phone dating service, and while we were in a relationship, I met another woman, and continued dating both of them. They knew about each other, but never met.

FMF: Triad
I dated a mono woman whose friend admitted one day that she thought we were both hot, and wanted to do us both. More of a fling than a real relationship.

Intimate Network
I was in committed relationships with 2 different women, one of whom had a serious male partner, and the other was in a serious relationship with 2 other men, as well as having a large number of more casual lovers. I was good friends with one of her 2 men (the father of her son).

I became involved with a couple who were close friends of mine. The man and I were never sexual. She and I lived together as roommates, but her boyfriend did not live with us, although he was over all the time. Later, another man moved in and was also emotionally involved with the woman.

Met my wife who was already in a committed poly relationship at the time. They referred to it as an "open marriage". They were searching for single women, but found me instead. He and I were never sexual with each other, but were friends. The V lasted for a while, but eventually broke up, and he settled into a new FMF triad which was sexual every direction, and has lasted for over a decade.

FMF: Triad
R and I met a woman while out one day, and struck up a conversation which led to us taking her home with us. It didn't last, but we gave it a serious try.

I had a serious relationship with a mono woman while married to R, and we sometimes all hung out together.

R had a girlfriend for a short time, and that woman had a serious boyfriend.

FMF: Triad
R and I had a great girlfriend together for a while, and we still get along really well with her.

R and I met an existing FMF triad at a poly conference, and everyone got along so well with everyone else that one huge relationship developed. It was quite something for a while there! Eventually one of the women voiced some insecurities that made us all take a step back and return to our old arrangements. We still visit them, though.

FMF: Triad
A very serious relationship that we all look back on fondly. We all lived together in a nice house, and took care of each other's children. Her kids' father (not exactly an "ex", but sort of) was often over, and we got along well with him. We still see her and her kids sometimes.

MFM: Triad
We all had sex together. He was much older than us. A very loving and gentle relationship, which still maintains a soft spot in our hearts. He left to pursue a mono relationship with an old friend.

An old friend of mine moved in with us for a while, and was intimate with R. We all got along great, and had many interests in common. He eventually met a mono woman and got married.

series of Vs
During this extended period, R had many relationships (and/or flings), while I had no one besides her. Mostly this was because I was now staying home to raise and homeschool several children, and just didn't have time for extra relationships.

FMF: Triad
We met a single woman and both totally fell in love with her at the same time. It went well for a while, but she was mono and became overwhelmed with the idea of poly. It ended badly.

R had a mono lesbian girlfriend for a while, and they got pretty serious. I never met her.

series of Vs
During this period, I dated several different women (most of whom I met online) while R dated no one but me.

Many of these relationships were brief, just a few months or so, whereas others were quite long-term. Some are still ongoing, to various degrees. Please feel free to ask me for details on any of these relationships

Trust, honesty and communication work wonders...

Last edited by Sweetheart; 12-13-2009 at 09:26 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2009, 09:58 AM
Lostkeysintro Lostkeysintro is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 10

My name is Shawna. I am 25 and from the Valley of California. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and just relaxing. Drinking some beer and watching tv. I am a college student as there are currently no jobs in my area.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2010, 09:06 PM
blueangel2009 blueangel2009 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 6

I'm known as Persephone on the internet, Coco's my real-life nickname. I'm 23, single, bi-curious, have no experience with polyamory but have recently been invited into a poly relationship. I'm thinking about it.

I was recently dumped by the love of my life in a cold and callous manner: on email. Apparently I was "too emotional" and "draining his free spirit." This from a crossdresser whom I helped with putting on his lingerie and makeup. We were together just one week shy of a year and I was madly in love with him.

I'm very interested in exploring my bi-curiosity, but as yet, have not had the opportunity. I haven't told anyone other than my ex and a few people on internet forums about my curiosity, since I'm worried about their reactions.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2010, 02:07 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467
Default Ciel du Matin's Summary

Hi there.

British-born poly guy living in Upstate New York. If I had to apply labels (which, for the record, I dislike) I would put myself more toward the polyfidelity relationship pattern.

With the benefit of hindsight I have been poly since my teens, where I couldn't understand why it wasn't "right" to have multiple friends with whom I could be affectionate (it wasn't about sex then), or that there were prescribed things with "friends" did and didn't do, and "lovers" did and a didn't do.

I struggled with societal pressures, trying to conform to what I thought people expected of me. Sometimes this got me down to the point where I made some unfortunate decisions, regretting them horribly later, not knowing that there was another way to be honest and open without being monogamous.

I discovered the term "polyamory" in the early 90s and that was when I felt a door opened on my road to self-discovery. I was involved with a monogamous partner at the time, and it was quite a shock - but we both felt very committed to the relationship and wanted to work to see if we could make it work for us. I am very happy to say that we are still together - I am most definitely poly and she is most definitely mono, and we have made it work. During this time I had to find out a lot about what I did and didn't need in my life - I tried FwB-style relationships, but realised that they weren't for me.

I am out to some of my friends, but not at work, and to none of my family.

All of my poly experiences to-date have been with females in a "V" configuration. I have been in situations where the two ladies couldn't really stand each other, and ones where they liked each other and got along well. I know which one I prefer! Each relationship has been an interesting learning experience for all involved and I feel that my partner and I have grown as a couple and realised what works and what doesn't. most of my relationships have been longer-term (i.e. longer than several months), which is my preference.

Since June of 2008 we have been in our latest "configuration" with lovefromgirl, as she is known here. So far this is easily the best so far in terms of how well our goals fit and the general dynamic of the relationships. The level of commitment that is shown astounds me in a very good way. Various people were quite vocal about how it wouldn't last, and I am very pleased to say that they were dead wrong.

I am a big believer in the value of experience - I really wish that I had had resources like this as I was growing up (and I mean that in several ways) - people who were actually doing it and making it work. It's hard to read in a book how the day-to-day stuff goes on, the red flags, etc. so I love hearing how others are doing it.

Parts of my "journey to poly" have been extremely rough, and I feel that if I can help one person feel not so alone, or to avoid some of the common pitfalls that can significantly set things back, then I have made a positive difference and I continue learning and hope that this will never stop.

I love the diversity of the poly communities out there and have met people that I wouldn't have otherwise had any contact with, and learned a lot from them.

My latest poly-related project has been to work with others in starting a discussion/meet-up forum for the state of New York, trying to "fill the gaps" between the currently-active groups already there. I have been mostly very pleased at the reception that we have got from the membership and feel that we have added something positive to the poly community. It has most certainly been a learning experience about the broadness of character types in the poly community.

And lastly I'm glad to have found this forum, which I believe is one of the best poly-related forums on the Internet.

Thanks for reading!

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2010, 06:18 AM
MiAmorX2's Avatar
MiAmorX2 MiAmorX2 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 9
Default 2 guys and a purple headed girl

I'm 26, born and raised Okie, I have two amazing husbands, one I've been married to for 4yrs and the 2nd joined us this past year (its coming up on a year in april!) I live here in Oklahoma with Husband #1 and my Husband #2 is currently stationed overseas...
I've always been a free spirit and very willing to love and be who I am and not what ppl think I should be (proly why I'm 26 and have purple hair... but ya)
I'm a photographer, and run my own business, and when I'm not doing that I'm in my office crafting,painting,ect...
and here is my lil love story:
we'll call husband #1 M and husband #2 E
M & E have been friends for over 10yrs.. never in a million would they have dreamed they'd end up share the same wife little alone being ok with it.
I'm quite new to the term polyamory, I discovered it when I was searching to find someone that had a situation like mine, I had grown up in a very strict and at times sheltered "religous" home so imagine my personal struggle when I realized I was in love with two men and I was already married to one of them!
It all started when I met them, E was married and I was interested in M
I fell in love with M and married him within a year, the more I got to know E the more I had what I thought was just a "crush" but since he was married I left it alone. fast forward 4yrs...
things ended with E's marriage and he was coming around more which I LOVED but wouldn't admit it to myself, well there was a conversation between me and E that changed everything, he confessed that he's been in love with me for the past 4yrs... *gulp*
Trying to be the good "friend" I told him I understood and I was flattered but left it alone... or at least I thought, the more he came around the more I started having these feelings that weren't going away until I finally had to admit to myself that I had fallen for him, scared at what my husband (#1) would think.. but knowing that I have always been able to have a open and honest relationship with him, and I confessed everything, he already knew how E felt about me and he could see it. M encouraged me to explore mine and E's love for one another and let me know he cared about both of us and wanted us happy, he also knew I wasn't going anywhere so he was open to bringing him into our lives for good. E had heard about relationships like this but never been apart of one so he wasn't against it, and anything to be with me and not split me from M.
Now there's been some adjusting at first, me and M never thought about having more than just 2 in a marriage but 3 works for us, they are both mono but are ok with me being with both of them. We plan on having a family together in the future, when he moves back home (military)
Things are difficult right now with E being stationed in a dif country, but luckily it's one I can visit. We're making it work... it's just hard when your heart is in two piece in two opposite sides of the world....
and that's my summary.... for now....

Last edited by MiAmorX2; 01-15-2010 at 06:44 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2010, 11:38 PM
OurDream OurDream is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: alaska
Posts: 8

We're a happy V with kids. Look forward to meeting other people.
Nothing major to share yet.. just enjoying knowing other people who can accept our non-conformity.
I reject your reality and substitute my own....
Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2010, 01:21 PM
Athena Athena is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 167
Smile Hi

I'm living on the East Coast, and a married, female medical professional who identifies as bi-curious.
My husband and I started out as a mono relationship, and in the past month or so, he approached me about opening up the marriage.
Being a big science fiction and fantasy reading nerd from forever, I think, made me more open to this intellectually than I otherwise would have been given my upbringing.
However, my husband is more interested in Swinging type relationships (to him sex is kind of like a physical function, like eat, sleep etc...)
While I am more the type that I need romance, dating, at least a very deep and open friendship plus that physical attraction, before I really want to get into the bedroom with anyone.
We are expecting our first child, and have put on hold any physical explorations of any kind, until after we give birth and have figured out how to fit our new baby into already very busy professional lives.
However we are interested in friendships, especially with people with long and positive experiences of open relationships, as we figure out what it is we want!

Last edited by Athena; 01-17-2010 at 01:23 PM. Reason: spelling
Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2010, 06:05 PM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 726
Default My journey to Polyamorous lifestyle..

Hi my name is Starlight1 on here, I dont feel comfortable giving out my name.
I am 24, 5'4" curvy/slim redhead american living in the UK. I am very outspoken and direct. I am LDS, which colors my views on polyamory as I try to live within the standards of my church but eventaully I will have to either marry the two sides of me or get rid of one.

I am bi-sexual but non-practicing although I have several women I am very closely attached to. I am also going through a divorice and I have two lovely little girls who are 2 and 3.5 yrs old.

A bit of history about myself. I have moved over 25 times, and have stopped counting on this matter. I currently live in the southwest of england, and I am getting a divorice because of a history of physical/sexual/emotional/financial abuse in my relationship with my ex-partner, to be refered to as A from me.

I basically got married too young with out realising I was bisexual. Or admitting to myself or him I was. But he knew pretty early on and used to try to force the issue when I wasnt ready to talk about it, and then tried to pursue my friends..Or turn it back around on me as if i were cheating on him. Which I never did.

I am simply the type of person able to love many people. I do not have any jealousy with people and do not really feel that emotion much at all. I am an oilpainter of many many years, floutest, singer, writer, poet and very spiritual creative personality.
I am highly sensitive to people around me and their body language and their moods. I like to make people happy and laugh.

I left A back in may 2009 and am now trying to re-build a relationship with my best friend H who is also the same religion as me and we have known each other since i was 16. I am hoping we can come to terms with our religion and also work something out between us as she is the dearest person to me in my life. I would be so blessed to share my life with her in any way.

So at the moment I am not commited specifically to any one person but I am romatically attached to a few, one named M(a bi male) in austrailia and then H(bi female) who was my friend in highschool and a few other potential people. Much NRE floating around with M as we have only just made plans to start taking online to reality in the last month or so. It is getting very exciting.

That is basically it right now, busy being a mother, a belly dancer, artist, student, ect ect...loving living life right now too

Last edited by starlight1; 01-27-2010 at 06:07 PM.
Reply With Quote

polandry mfm, polyandry family

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:55 AM.