Jealousy and Neglect
Long, long ago, before mortgages and preschool drop-offs, my husband and I decided we both were open to the other having another relationship. We both had some relationships, but when I got pregnant with our first kid, neither of us had a serious outside relationship, and I really lost interest in having a relationship outside of our relationship. He continued to have brief relationships, but nothing that materialized into anything serious. Meanwhile, his interest in me waned. First, he didn't really want to spend time with me, telling me that he felt too tired. Then, he stopped wanting to have sex with me, claiming a low sex drive due to exhaustion. I have a hard time accepting his claim of exhaustion and low sex drive, since he will stay out extremely late to pursue other women. It seems like he always has a sex drive when he has a chance with someone else. He says that it's just because they are novel. I don't know what to do. I am so jealous. I didn't feel so jealous when we first started out, when I felt loved and wanted, but seeing him pursue these women when I so desperately want his attention but he denies me, it hurts so much. I've tried talking to him about it, but he says he doesn't enjoy spending time with me when I don't act happy, and I really really want him to want to spend time with me. I don't want to leave. I have young kids. I really love him. I wish I had never heard of polyamory. How do I fix this mess?