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  #11  
Old 08-13-2012, 04:41 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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And these meanings are in the common parlance? Hmm, never heard these terms before.

Anyway, just because you enjoyed buttplay or the taste of your own jizz doesn't mean you're bisexual or into other men. Being older, I remember when sex was always a sticky affair, before condoms were a must, and it was never a big deal for someone to taste some of their own juices. It didn't mean anything if you liked that, or anal sex. There are lots of nerve endings around the anus and if anal sex feels pleasurable to you, that simply means... it felt good. It's very common for homophobic guys to say "I'm not gay!" if asked whether or not they like receiving anal sex, even from a female partner. I was once propositioned by someone who wanted me to use a dildo on him and he kept reassuring me he wasn't gay, as if doing that would automatically mean he was into men.

Sexual orientation is usually defined as being about who you are attracted to, based on their sex/gender in relation to your own. It has nothing to do with whatever sexual acts you like. I have an ex who used to suck dick because he was a coke addict and he got drugs in exchange for doing that, but he is definitely straight on the Kinsey scale (and clean & sober now).

So, if you find are attracted to men, then that could be something you would like to explore, but why think that your orientation has shifted based only on a sex act you participated in?
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  #12  
Old 08-13-2012, 04:57 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
Have any of you ever found your sexual orientation no longer matches what you once thought it did?
Yes! I think this is more common in those of us that had extreme religious upbringings. Once we get past the traditional taboos, we can allow ourselves to enjoy the feelings of love and/or sex (or even just the idea of sex) with those we care about no matter the gender.

Some don't find overweight (or blonds, redheads, tall, short, etc) people attractive, but find that they fall in love with one anyway. Once in love, they are very attracted to THAT person, irregardless of their type.
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  #13  
Old 08-13-2012, 08:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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My sexual preferences have changed. I identified as straight-and bordering on homophobic when I was younger. Then-I fell in love with a woman.
Shrug.

Now I identify as bi.

As for anal-my "circumstantially he might be bi" friend has no use for anal (either giving or receiving) and a friend who LOVES giving and receiving anal is straight as a board.

shrug.

I say-it's good that you are interested in learning more about yourself-be gentle with other people's feelings as you explore.

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  #14  
Old 08-14-2012, 03:27 AM
Nathan Nathan is offline
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Your sexual orientation can shift around on The Kinsey scale, this is most common when your young, although I guess it can happen at any age.

I identify as straight, I do not look at men now, and find them sexually attractive at all. The idea of having sex with a guy does not repulse me, but it doesn't turn me on either. There was a time though (14/15) when I was confused about my sexuality, and pretty much convinced myself that I must be gay. This was because the first real emotional/sexual relationship I had, was with another boy at my school. I think there were lots of reasons why this relationship happened.

1. He was two years older then me, and he was someone I thought was really cool, I really looked up to him.

2. I went to an all boys school, so no girls around. haha

3. Hormones, I had got to the stage were I was tugging it to the weather channel, so I was bound to respond to sexual stimulation.

We would go back to his place after school and make out, it was more than just sex though, we really liked each other. This relationship lasted about a year, until he went away to Uni, and we were both sad about it ending. I have no regrets about it though, in fact, we both look back on it very fondly. We bump into each other from time to time, and he still teases me about it, and unlike me, he does identify as gay. At the time I did really enjoy making out with him, in fact I was more comfortable in my role with him (I was the Bottom) then I was when I started with girls.

I guess he was the right person at the time, because I have never been attracted to another guy since.

Like others have said, just because you like pegging, it doesn't mean your gay/bi. My girl is into BDSM, which I'm not. She figured that although I would be no use to her as a dom, maybe I could sub for her, and she did mention pegging as part of that. I'm not interested in it though, as it does not turm me on, either to be dominated or pegged. If you enjoy it though...........Go for it.

Only you really truly know if you want to have sex with another guy, if your not sexually attracted to them in anyway, I cant see it working. The thought of it must turn you on though, or you wouldn't be thinking about it. The only real way to find out is to give it a go, and see if you like it.
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  #15  
Old 08-14-2012, 03:36 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
Your sexual orientation can shift around on The Kinsey scale, this is most common when your young, although I guess it can happen at any age.

I identify as straight, I do not look at men now, and find them sexually attractive at all. The idea of having sex with a guy does not repulse me, but it doesn't turn me on either. There was a time though (14/15) when I was confused about my sexuality, and pretty much convinced myself that I must be gay. This was because the first real emotional/sexual relationship I had, was with another boy at my school. I think there were lots of reasons why this relationship happened.

1. He was two years older then me, and he was someone I thought was really cool, I really looked up to him.

2. I went to an all boys school, so no girls around. haha

3. Hormones, I had got to the stage were I was tugging it to the weather channel, so I was bound to respond to sexual stimulation.

We would go back to his place after school and make out, it was more than just sex though, we really liked each other. This relationship lasted about a year, until he went away to Uni, and we were both sad about it ending. I have no regrets about it though, in fact, we both look back on it very fondly. We bump into each other from time to time, and he still teases me about it, and unlike me, he does identify as gay. At the time I did really enjoy making out with him, in fact I was more comfortable in my role with him (I was the Bottom) then I was when I started with girls.

I guess he was the right person at the time, because I have never been attracted to another guy since.

Like others have said, just because you like pegging, it doesn't mean your gay/bi. My girl is into BDSM, which I'm not. She figured that although I would be no use to her as a dom, maybe I could sub for her, and she did mention pegging as part of that. I'm not interested in it though, as it does not turm me on, either to be dominated or pegged. If you enjoy it though...........Go for it.

Only you really truly know if you want to have sex with another guy, if your not sexually attracted to them in anyway, I cant see it working. The thought of it must turn you on though, or you wouldn't be thinking about it. The only real way to find out is to give it a go, and see if you like it.
All of that makes sense but there is a difference to what you said in the last paragraph and what I mean. I do not find men "physically attractive" as in I don't see muscles and think "damn" or see a penis and go "yeah I want that". I do find them sexually attractive, as in, when I fantasize about it, it does work for me. I don't know why.

My wife brought up a good point. Why try to put a name to it? It's like calling myself black or Asian or whatever. If I classify myself I put myself in that category and it separates us and allows for bigotry and homophobia and all that bullshit.

I like sex. I identify as sex-loving-human.
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  #16  
Old 08-14-2012, 04:03 AM
Nathan Nathan is offline
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Well, if the fantasy works for you..........try it out. It may be that the reality doesn't work out, if it does though, great. You wont know till you try.

I agree with your wife, it really doesn't matter about why you like things. In fact, talking, thinking or analysing to much can really take the pleasure out of it. It really pisses me off when my girl turns all shrink on me.
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  #17  
Old 08-14-2012, 12:31 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
So, if you find are attracted to men, then that could be something you would like to explore, but why think that your orientation has shifted based only on a sex act you participated in?
I meant to respond to this earlier but didn't get the chance.

Barring a few exceptions (such as your ex doing something for drugs), it's been my opinion that who you choose to have sex with is what defines your sexual orientation. That's part of what's in question now.

I've heard some people say they were heterosensual or heteroflexible before. "Love opposite gender, can have sex with either". Stuff like that.

*shrug*
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  #18  
Old 08-14-2012, 03:26 PM
Hannahfluke Hannahfluke is offline
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Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
I meant to respond to this earlier but didn't get the chance.

Barring a few exceptions (such as your ex doing something for drugs), it's been my opinion that who you choose to have sex with is what defines your sexual orientation. That's part of what's in question now.

I've heard some people say they were heterosensual or heteroflexible before. "Love opposite gender, can have sex with either". Stuff like that.

*shrug*
I don't know that it's necessarily true that who you choose to have sex with defines your orientation. My boyfriend helps friends with a big gay party each year. He's very straight, he does not find men attractive at all. But, if someone offers him a drink and then a blow job on this night, he'll accept it. He just really likes blow jobs and doesn't really care who gives them to him. I've talked to him extensively about this. He doesn't want to kiss them or have a relationship with them, in fact, trying to kiss them grosses him out. He considers himself heterosexual even though he's had this experience several times. So I'm not sure that who you choose to do sexual acts with necessarily defines if you're heterosexual, bi, etc.
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  #19  
Old 08-14-2012, 05:11 PM
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Sexual orientation is definitely fluid. I've been lesbian most of my life, but a couple years ago, I "experimented" with a man, developed a relationship with him, and a couple others, and now am solidly "bisexual."

(Well, I don't really subscribe to binary gender, as there a lot of people who are genderfluid or genderqueer who I'm attracted to.)

But to address some points in your original post-- anal sex is definitely not a gay thing. You, as a man, have a wonderful thing called a prostate gland, and you can get something out of anal stimulation that people without that gland cannot enjoy. You should experiment with it.

As for sexual orientation, what other gender markers turn you on? Beards, hairy chests, broad shoulders? Rough skin and funky smells? Rumbly voices?

As much as my primary orientation is women, the truth is that I'm very much attracted to big bear type men, with the big hairy muscle-bound bodies-- not so much what I'd expect from an erstwhile lesbian, but there you go.
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  #20  
Old 08-14-2012, 05:24 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by Hannahfluke View Post
I don't know that it's necessarily true that who you choose to have sex with defines your orientation. My boyfriend helps friends with a big gay party each year. He's very straight, he does not find men attractive at all. But, if someone offers him a drink and then a blow job on this night, he'll accept it. He just really likes blow jobs and doesn't really care who gives them to him. I've talked to him extensively about this. He doesn't want to kiss them or have a relationship with them, in fact, trying to kiss them grosses him out. He considers himself heterosexual even though he's had this experience several times. So I'm not sure that who you choose to do sexual acts with necessarily defines if you're heterosexual, bi, etc.
Yeah, that situation, for whatever reason, seems different to me. I don't know why, but it does.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Becca View Post
Sexual orientation is definitely fluid. I've been lesbian most of my life, but a couple years ago, I "experimented" with a man, developed a relationship with him, and a couple others, and now am solidly "bisexual."

(Well, I don't really subscribe to binary gender, as there a lot of people who are genderfluid or genderqueer who I'm attracted to.)

But to address some points in your original post-- anal sex is definitely not a gay thing. You, as a man, have a wonderful thing called a prostate gland, and you can get something out of anal stimulation that people without that gland cannot enjoy. You should experiment with it.

As for sexual orientation, what other gender markers turn you on? Beards, hairy chests, broad shoulders? Rough skin and funky smells? Rumbly voices?

As much as my primary orientation is women, the truth is that I'm very much attracted to big bear type men, with the big hairy muscle-bound bodies-- not so much what I'd expect from an erstwhile lesbian, but there you go.
Gender markers that turn me on... hmm... I don't generally like hair of any kind (except for head hair, obviously) on anyone but me (and really not even on me but I look silly if I shave everywhere). I don't like smells at all. I would prefer a scent-less person. Soft skin. Voices don't matter. Broad vs skinny doesn't matter so long as it's carried well. I have found some bigger ladies very pretty and likewise found some skinny girls very unattractive.

If I were to give you all an example of a guy I could actually see myself dating, it'd be Matt Bomer (he's an actor). I know that's a pipe dream, but if I ever found a guy that looked like him, I'm set.
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Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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