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  #1  
Old 08-13-2012, 12:03 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Sexual Orientation Shift

In the past (possibly even on this forum) I have insisted I was straight and would never have any sort of sexual relationship with men, as I am not at all attracted to men. I've also read stories on here and other places about men who are straight but have been caught up in the moment and have done sexual acts with other men for brief moments.

Recently someone made a comment that if men want women to allow anal, the men should allow pegging. I thought on this for a while and spoke to my wife regarding it. I had mentioned it in the past, especially after we were given a strap-on as a gag gift, (more to judge her interest than anything) and as always she had no interest. However, after a few more conversations we had our anniversary and she offered to allow anal (something she had said no to for a long time because of my size). The following day she was in town and I told her to pick up some lube and we ended up using the previously mentioned strap-on for pegging. I found it much more pleasurable than I expected, and started to re-evaluate my sexual orientation.

As I thought about it, I've made a lot of "pretend" moves on males in the past, and I have had fantasies about men (but always with a girl present in the fantasy). I have also tasted myself via snowballing and out of curiosity. So yeah, maybe not so adamantly straight as I once believed.

I've decided I want to try fooling around with a guy and girl (I still don't find men physically attractive) but with focus on the guy to determine whether or not I can do it. If it works, I want to progress to sex with a man and then re-evaluate if I need a girl present or if I could feasibly be okay with just me and a man.

Have any of you ever found your sexual orientation no longer matches what you once thought it did? I have a feeling I would have made this resolution much sooner had it not been for my childhood (I was forced to give a man head as a youth, please don't apologize, I'm not damaged and that's not the point of this thread, just throwing it in so you have the full story).
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Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #2  
Old 08-13-2012, 12:34 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Are you attracted to men, or not? Liking anal has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, lots of straight guys like anal, lots of gay guys don't like it. Are you aroused by the idea of a woman having anal sex with you, or a man? What matters for sexual orientation isn't the activity, it's the partner.

This being said, yes, orientation can change to some extent over time. Hasn't happened to me but it does seem to happen to some people.
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:16 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Having sex with a girl is always going to be my preference, but now I'm more inclined to try it with a guy as well. Physically, there are very few men I find attractive, but there are men that I love emotionally (my best friend, for example). Anal isn't the only concern of mine. I'm considering doing oral as well as anal, and both giving and receiving. I don't see how I can be strictly straight and want to have sex with a guy. That doesn't seem to apply to that definition. Heteroflexible, possibly?
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:25 AM
opalescent opalescent is online now
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What Tonberry said. Receiving anal sex and liking it does not equal being gay or bi. A sexual act is not an orientation. It could mean just that you have found a new sexual act that you enjoy. Congrats! That's a great thing!

I suggest reading through Dan Savage's advice to the questioning. He has lots on the various possibilities of sexual desire choices. For example, some men love sex with men but are just not interested in romantic relationships with men. Some people find the same sex aethestically pleasing and sensual but just can't wrap their minds and libido around actually having full on sex with the same gender. (Or reverse this for people who identify as lesbian or gay.) Sometimes someone will identify as lesbian or gay but will have sex occasionally with the opposite gender. This doesn't make them less lesbian or gay - just means they have occasional sex with the opposite sex. Sometimes a person is just super straight or super gay but there is that one person from the opposite (or same) gender that just makes them swoon with want. The possibilities are just about endless.

I started out straight in high school, kinda maybe bi in college, in your face dyke lesbian after college, responsible white collar lesbian around town in my late 20s and 30s, and now I am dating mostly men and calling myself pansexual. I'm not unusual.

Sexual orientation is fluid except when it is not. People can and do change over time, sometimes gradually, sometimes dramatically. Or they remain who they are over a lifetime. In the US, it seems like men are less 'flexible' than men but I have a theory about that. I think there are more bisexual men than are currently out. Men have a lot more to lose being openly bi than do women who are openly bi. As the stigma of bi men slowly erodes, we will see more openly bi or pansexual men.

So it is possible you may not be totally straight. Or maybe you are, except you like the occasional pegging by a female, or maybe male, partner. Experimentation is not a bad idea. Just pay attention to what you are feeling and try to think about why you are feeling what you feel. That can help you sort this complicated sexual identity stuff out.
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:36 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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I don't think I can honestly answer these questions until I try something with a guy. I don't know if I could ever have a full-blown relationship (the idea of kissing another guy is more of a weird thing to me than sex with a man). I don't know. These thoughts are confusing.

I'm past the age where coming out would be detrimental to anyone but my relationship with family, and unless I opened up about poly I probably wouldn't ever come out to them about any of this anyway (they would view poly as infidelity) because admitting I like guys would lead to questions like "How do you know?" and I can't lie when asked direct questions, not that I would want to lie.

I guess what I'm looking for is stories from other people who had never been involved in a situation with the gender they aren't attracted to, but then decided they were interested and wanted to try.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I don't know if this helps you any. But I don't think you are unusual.

I don't think anyone is stuck in one bucket on the spectrum of sexual identity. It ebbs and flows.

My spouse IDs as heterosexual. His fantasies center on women, he loves women, that's his bag. But he's also uber practical and states that under the right circumstances, he could see him being "situational bi" -- because if he's ever in a threesome situation with me and a friend, he's going to be curious and he's going to want to know. So here's this nice friend and this nice situation so... why not? Giving and sharing pleasure -- what's the big deal about that?

My best friend reports same feeling from her husband. He too IDs as heterosexual and his bag is women. But he's also voiced the idea that "situational bi" could be on his spectrum somewhere.

I know a swinging friend who was "all about the dick" -- and very vocal and vehement about it. (her words, not mine). Until she had some female experiences. Suddenly? She's not so vocal or vehement. Now she's mostly all about strayt sex... and sometimes not. *shrug*

I don't think you need to stress of worry, and if you are in an experimenty place, talk to your wife about where you are and sort it out with her.

As for anal... Having penis-in-anus sex with wife? Strap-on sex with your wife where she pegs you with toys? So long as you are both having a good time? Lube up and enjoy!

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-13-2012 at 02:00 AM.
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  #7  
Old 08-13-2012, 02:13 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I don't know if this helps you any. But I don't think you are unusual.

I don't think anyone is stuck in one bucket on the spectrum of sexual identity. It ebbs and flows.

My spouse IDs as heterosexual. His fantasies center on women, he loves women, that's his bag. But he's also uber practical and states that under the right circumstances, he could see him being "situational bi" -- because if he's ever in a threesome situation with me and a friend, he's going to be curious and he's going to want to know. So here's this nice friend and this nice situation so... why not? Giving and sharing pleasure -- what's the big deal about that?

My best friend reports same feeling from her husband. He too IDs as heterosexual and his bag is women. But he's also voiced the idea that "situational bi" could be on his spectrum somewhere.

I know a swinging friend who was "all about the dick" -- and very vocal and vehement about it. (her words, not mine). Until she had some female experiences. Suddenly? She's not so vocal or vehement. Now she's mostly all about strayt sex... and sometimes not. *shrug*

I don't think you need to stress of worry, and if you are in an experimenty place, talk to your wife about where you are and sort it out with her.

As for anal... Having penis-in-anus sex with wife? Strap-on sex with your wife where she pegs you with toys? So long as you are both having a good time? Lube up and enjoy!

GalaGirl
Yes, that's kind of where I see myself right now. Into the idea because of recent situations, not sure if it's just that or if I want to fuck and date men now, too. My wife is up for everything. She wants it, she thinks it's hot I want it, and the anal/pegging thing is new but works well so far.
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Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 05:21 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hmm, I wonder if the terms pegging and snowballing are in the glossary...
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:38 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hmm, I wonder if the terms pegging and snowballing are in the glossary...
Are you asking because you wonder what they mean?

Pegging is when a woman has anal sex with a man using a strap-on dildo.
Snowballing is when someone comes in his partner's mouth from a blowjob, and then they kiss with the semen still in the partner's mouth.
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  #10  
Old 08-13-2012, 02:39 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Are you asking because you wonder what they mean?

Pegging is when a woman has anal sex with a man using a strap-on dildo.
Snowballing is when someone comes in his partner's mouth from a blowjob, and then they kiss with the semen still in the partner's mouth.
My wife, silly as she is, prefers to call it "baby birding" over "snowballing". She cracks me up.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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