First of all, congratulations on having loving and fullfilling relationships with both your lover and you husband. Its great to hear that you and your lover have shared your feelings with eachother, finding out you love someone and that they love you back is one of the best feelings in the world.
Also, it sounds like you are doing a great job dealing with your negative emotions. They may sometimes still linger after you think things through rationally, and sometimes analyzing them will lead you to finding a way to making them go away. I know i've been able to target what makes me jealous and how to handle it through my years of being poly. Despite that, i still often find myself getting jealous at times and having to remind myself of the same things. Sometimes those feelings never really dissipate, but what matters is that by thinking and remaining rational, i can avoid acting negatively because of them. Also i've found that one of the best cures it to be reassured, its a lot harder to be jealous of someone else when you know you are loved and cherished for the wonderful person you are.
Oh, and in response to Greg, I feel like you were very presumptuous and rude. From what i've read and what i feel, polyamory is more then one (or the possibility of more than one) romantic relationship, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. That sounds to me like what has happened here. Just because it started off as sexual and then evolved into love, doesn't make it any less of a poly relationship now. The OP may not choose to identify as a poly person, and may not want to label her relationship as poly, but she certainly could say it fit the definition if she chose to. Also, yes, polyamory works best with open and honest communication, love, and trust. Not every poly relationship has that. The same way monogomous relationships work best with those things as well, but still, that doesn't mean everyone in a mono or poly relationship is perfect with being open and honest about everything all the time. The same way someone could say that you are not truly poly because you are being judgmental and close minded, and to be poly you need to be open minded. They would be wrong in saying that though, clearly you are able to be polyamorous while still being judgmental and rude to the OP, but it doesn't make for a good trait to have certainly. Hopefully we simply misunderstood you though, and you did not mean to come across in the way you did.