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  #521  
Old 08-10-2012, 08:31 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by noisycthulhu View Post



So as well as wanting to be poly with a man and woman together as well as some one on one (staying within the three of us), I am into more than vanilla sex. I would have to compromise greatly or be extremely lucky to get what I want/need. =_=

I understand that a lot of people are into BDSM as well as polyamory but it just seems nigh impossible to find what you're looking for. Sometimes I hate the way I'm wired, it just seems I'm making it harder on myself.

Perhaps if I was more the mythical hot bisexual babe it would be easier, as least to try out. But I'm chunky on top of everything else as well as being nerdy.

I'M DOOMED.
No, you're not doomed. I am similar to you, chunky... er, voluptuous, kinda nerdy, my drag is sometimes femme, sometimes butch.

Don't give up! I found my love, my gf, within 3 weeks of joining ok cupid, and in the next 3 years, a few guys along the way who also shared our kink interests (although I dated them separately). 7 months ago, my bf Ginger appeared in my life and our V is developing slowly into a triad of sorts.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, poly, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 08-10-2012 at 08:43 PM.
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  #522  
Old 08-11-2012, 03:26 AM
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noisycthulhu noisycthulhu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
No, you're not doomed. I am similar to you, chunky... er, voluptuous, kinda nerdy, my drag is sometimes femme, sometimes butch.

Don't give up! I found my love, my gf, within 3 weeks of joining ok cupid, and in the next 3 years, a few guys along the way who also shared our kink interests (although I dated them separately). 7 months ago, my bf Ginger appeared in my life and our V is developing slowly into a triad of sorts.
I don't have it in me to give up, but I certainly have it in me to bitch and moan about it :P thank you, though, for giving your example as a light at the end of the tunnel. I will try to be more positive ^_^
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  #523  
Old 08-11-2012, 06:04 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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noisycthulhu -- chill. not everything has to come up at the front end of a relationship.

I had kinky desires I wasn't going to trot out right away because -- I don't need to play in the deep end of the pool with someone I JUST MET. That doesn't mean that over time it can't happen as the relationship simmers along and catches fire. Don't be so hard on yourself.

If you are a sub newbie, check out "The New Bottoming Book" and for sake of completeness "The New Topping Book" . There are other titles for techniques and things but I find those are easy to read for ethics. And even if you don't want to top, reading about topping can help you find a safe top and get your "what do I look for in a dom/top" thing worked out. You don't have to say "yes" just to any top that comes along cuz they call themselves a top. YKWIM?

DO work out your ethics. Knowing YOURSELF and what you wants, needs, soft/hard limits for your "man-woman triad w/ some light BDSM" dance card. When you can be CLEAR, it makes finding a partner that much easier. Then you just have to see if the dance cards can line up or not.

Consider getting involved in your kink community. Dungeons, munches, and so on offer classes, roundtables, socials, support groups in person etc.

Being plus-size is no biggie -- people come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. I was pretty svelte at the start of my adult dating life but illness has tacked on poundage over the years -- and I'm still happy in my rship and haven't had a problem with that. It's how you carry yourself -- truly. There will be people not attracted to plus size -- and that is their right. People get turned on by whatever it is. But there are also people willing to look beyond their initial attraction points. I have a thing for brunettes. So what? I married a blond!

Hang in there.
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-11-2012 at 06:09 AM.
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  #524  
Old 02-05-2013, 01:34 PM
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AphroditeGoneAwry AphroditeGoneAwry is offline
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Exclamation D/s

Thoughts? Interest? Experience?
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  #525  
Old 02-05-2013, 02:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Default Have you done a search?

There is already a huge thread here: BDsm

It's perfectly acceptable here to add to older threads, so feel free to resurrect it. No need for a new one.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #526  
Old 02-05-2013, 03:12 PM
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AphroditeGoneAwry AphroditeGoneAwry is offline
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Oh, Thanks!

I perused that and I think it's too long to read, and I think it's necessary to specify the difference between bdsm and D/s, D/s being a specific type, or subcategory, of bdsm.
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  #527  
Old 02-09-2013, 08:47 PM
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AphroditeGoneAwry AphroditeGoneAwry is offline
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I'd like to find someone worthy of dominating me. I'd like to find someone to fit me that way. Someone to pull my strings and make me move how they want me to move which is also how I need to move (for me). Someone as intense as me. And who can tone me down and make me behave and get a grip. But someone who also knows when I know best.

Sigh. Yeah. Pretty impossible.
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  #528  
Old 02-09-2013, 11:09 PM
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I hope you find that someone that you're looking for.

Sincerely,
KDT
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  #529  
Old 02-10-2013, 11:41 AM
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AphroditeGoneAwry AphroditeGoneAwry is offline
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Thank You. It's been quite a road of discovery for me.

Part of wanting a master is also just seeking the right mate for me. When I find someone worthy to mate with, who also wants to forego lusts of the flesh and other materialistic pursuits in exchange for greater depth and meaning in life and relationship, I will also find someone worthy to be my master. Someone who can discipline me. But since I'm a switch, they will need to submit to me as well.

I realize that is much harder for me than the general public. Most people just look for someone nice and attractive and they're set. I'm extremely discerning about finding a mate, a partner. That also applies to finding someone to share bodily love with. I find few people interesting to me enough to be sexual with (demi-sexual), much less to have an intense relationship with. But I think this is because trying to find someone to fit me is just not easy. I'm weird and I have a very dominating personality. And I am turned on by intelligence. All of these things make finding a mate very difficult. If someone will fit me, they will also be my Master.
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Last edited by AphroditeGoneAwry; 02-10-2013 at 11:49 AM.
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  #530  
Old 02-10-2013, 01:20 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Honestly, I don't get this "But since I'm a switch, they will need to submit to me as well." Personally, I'm a masochist and switch. I have two great guys who are able to satisfy my needs for pain and domination, but I would never expect them to be submissive to me. They just aren't submissive. And that's okay. We're polly, so I have the option of building a relationship with someone who is submissive if I choose to. I'm also bi-sexual, so I'd have the option of building a relationship with a female submissive if I felt like it too. The only problem I've encountered thus far is that there are a great many men who would love to worship the ground I walk on, submit to me, etc. And most women seem to be afraid that I'm looking for a unicorn and don't reply.
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