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  #11  
Old 08-06-2012, 12:17 AM
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Glitter Glitter is offline
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Good to hear Glad you are able to have that communication
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  #12  
Old 08-07-2012, 02:59 AM
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So she and I have been contacting each other and I think I may have misjudged her. I like her. She seems to be very genuine and is open and honest and willing to communicate. I'm really excited about meeting her for lunch. I'm really feeling very hopeful right now. Yeah. My husband seems to be more comfortable with it as well. He is definitely more relaxed and is really communicating from a more honest place. He is still having issues with his own jealousies but I'm not dating anyone right now and I am in no hurry.
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  #13  
Old 08-07-2012, 03:09 AM
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Yay! Great to hear Sending you all warm fuzzy vibes, hoping everything goes well for you all
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  #14  
Old 08-08-2012, 05:36 PM
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I just wanted to update. I came to the realization that I cannot dictate how thier relationship is going. Just because I wouldn't move that fast doesn't mean they can't. She's coming over this weekend and I am very excited about it. I really like her, she is fantastic to talk to and very honest. No matter what happens between them, I would like to have her as a friend! Now if I could just get my Husband to relax a little more, this would be ideal. I need to be more encouraging with him instead of cautious. I took another wonderful step in the journey of self knowledge
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  #15  
Old 08-09-2012, 03:30 AM
lionessjlf lionessjlf is offline
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So I had to cancel my plans with her this weekend, it's my Birthday on Fri and my friends wouldn't take no for an answer. Then my hubby comes home and tells me he's not comfortable with the situation. Although he really likes her, he just can't date her. I guess her really is mono after all. Kudos to him though for his self awareness and honesty, I am proud of the way he handled it. I hope she is OK. He said she understood. So now it ends.
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  #16  
Old 08-09-2012, 09:39 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Oh, I wasn't expecting that. So, you are poly, and want to see others, so you encouraged your husband to try dating others as well? Maybe it took a few drinks for him to even be able to do it. Now that he has sobered up, he realizes it didn't feel right for him after all.

Now, you are left with a man who has decided he is a one woman man only, and yet, you still want/need other lovers, yet he is going to be jealous... What now?
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  #17  
Old 08-09-2012, 12:12 PM
lionessjlf lionessjlf is offline
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Now we take it slow, keep the communication going. I'm not seeing anyone right now nor do I have anyone I'm interested in at the moment, so one day at a time.
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  #18  
Old 08-10-2012, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessjlf View Post
Now we take it slow, keep the communication going. I'm not seeing anyone right now nor do I have anyone I'm interested in at the moment, so one day at a time.
Brilliant Keep up the hard work, sounds like the slow and steady truly does win the race in this case
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  #19  
Old 08-19-2012, 08:59 AM
lionessjlf lionessjlf is offline
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So the hubby and I went out on a date, just the two of us. He got pretty buzzed, I stayed sober and we had a fantastic time. But, on the ride home he informs me that he's angry with me for 'giving him permission to date' he said he would really like to just go out and have sex with other women without me knowing about them or them knowing about me WHAT??????????? Then of course he follows that statement with the ever popular 'not that I could bring myself to do it' phrase.

Now I think after all this time together, I really know him, maybe I don't. He also said that he was disgusted by the fact that I had cheated on my x husband (14 yrs ago) WOW

So I called him on his shit. He's angry with me because I was capable of doing something he is not capable of doing. He wants to do it, he stops himself from doing it, where is that my fault? He answers with this: It's MY fault because I gave him 'permission' to date but then I put all these boundaries on it to make it impossible for him to date. REALLY?

These are my boundaries:
1. Honesty to all involved, about all involved. I want to know when he is involved with someone and I want her to know he is also involved with me.
2. When they become intimate, I need to know it's gone to that level
3. Always use condoms
4. No getting drunk or having sex until at least 3 dates and I have met her

I am really blown away right now. I am considering if I should even stay in this relationship. He clearly is stuggling with this. I haven't even remotely begun to look for anyone to date , yet he says he could not handle me being with someone else. But he wants to screw around! What a mess. Who am I married to? I am most definitely bringing this back up in a sober light. I refuse to allow him to wiggle out of it.
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  #20  
Old 08-19-2012, 11:40 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Hmmm, sorry to say, it seems like your h has a bit of a problem with alcohol?

I'd say it was the booze talking, bringing out his "Id," his hedonistic, I'm gonna do what I want, when I want it, and you can't stop me, nanny nanny boo boo type of language.

And bringing up how you cheated on your ex 14 years ago. Really now. Ugh, my ex-h used to that in conversations... bring up shit that happened a decade or more ago. So pointless.

I hope things look better in the clear light of day. Your boundaries sound minimal and reasonable. If he loves you, he would agree to respect you enough to inform you of who he is seeing, where they are going, and what level of sex they have reached. It's just common courtesy.

But it sounds like he just wants to get drunk, partay!!! and cat around. Forget he's married, not tell his sex partners he's married. Bleh. That's not polyamory at all.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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miss pixi, 37
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