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Old 08-06-2012, 07:50 PM
starrynite101 starrynite101 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Question Ugh.. dating

It's been a long process, but my hubby and I are embracing polyamory, and I'm completely on board (in fact started it). Now I found an interesting person, and they seem interested back.. but it's a little different. I am used to dating (as if I could be used to dating after over a decade married) in the mono world. There, if you like someone the two of you get all moony and spend oodles of time together and get all goofy with it. Nobody pays any attention to NRE. Obviously in the poly world it's more complicated. I have a husband and my interest has people in his life too. We don't have room in either of our lives to spend all our time together. There isn't that utter transfixtion that new mono couples get.

I'm wondering why I thought I wanted to date. He seemed very very interested but totally unwilling to pursue anything without my hubby's knowledge and consent. Got it. We celebrated getting it with very brief talk and kisses because I had to go, and then had to spend the weekend pretty much apart.

The hubby and I came to his house where he was with a date and that was utterly respected. There was no flirting from either of us at all, and everyone got along well, very well. (Hubby found somebody). He was busy Sunday, and that was understood. Now, it's Monday and I can't wait to talk about all this heady stuff and get in some canoodling. It's killing me not to text non stop and he's answering, but very slowly and without his usual flirty flirty air, probably because he has a life. I started reviewing everything in my mind. "Did I screw up somehow?" "Was I weird or odd or needy or something".. No. "Are you seriously on pins and needles because it's the first day you two can really canoodle and he's got a life and is busy or whatever and not texting you 24/7 at work?" maybe.

Ugh.. I hate dating. How did I forget that? I don't like this weird crap my head is doing and it makes me feel pathetic. I want him to be texting me like mad, eager and reassuring me with his flirty interest (which admittedly he'll probably do later). I hate this insecure "does he like me, really like me" bit. Any tips for how to stop being a complete imbecile about dating?
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married and polyamorous, married dating

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