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Old 08-05-2012, 03:39 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Sorry this had to happen to you - the guy was being a total jerk, and being drunk is absolutely no excuse - drunk people tend to do what's in their hearts - the alcohol just turns off their internal filters....

Yes, people misunderstand all the time what poly means - they apply their own standards to it and basically stop listening. Many assume that we are swingers, and that this is just a fancy name for it. One woman, who I had always felt attracted to, even after we explained the difference of what poly was and how it differed from swinging, pursued me (it turned out later) without her husband's knowledge, only for sex. That was messy, because I was better friends with her husband than me. That kind of ended the friendship with him, which I was VERY disappointed about. Since then I have learned that she has informed other friends of ours that she can confirm that I am definitely a swinger. Of course, they have never bothered actually mentioning is to me/us - but the gossip flew for a while.

Others mistrust the stated reason of why we are telling them, assuming that the reason is that one of us wants to have sex with one of them, or are in some ways interested in them. Why does that have to be the only reason?

We have had many of our long-established friends distance themselves from us because we talked with them about this.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 08-06-2012, 04:21 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,850

Because everyone has the right to decide what happens with their own body.
Yes. Hello, CONSENT still has to be obtained? I don't know why people don't get that.

Sorry, I need to stop on that one before I get myself triggered. But again, SO sorry this type experience fell on you, and the others reporting same/similar. *hugs* nobody -- man or woman -- deserves shoddy treatment. People are not THINGS. They are PERSONS.

It's just... ugh. Ugh. Yuck!

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Old 08-06-2012, 07:29 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083


Knee to nuts. End friendship. Do not tolerate his assholery ever again. Tell him you won't stay in touch with him or have anything to do with him because he assaulted you. Do not get into a convo if he starts to argue about it - state your case and walk away.

Unfortunately, group sex and having no boundaries are what many in the general public think polyamory is. I remember once having a conversation with a guy I had met in a bar. When I mentioned polyamory, he was all, "oh that's so cool" and then he started talking about threesomes and how much he digs bisexual women. I told him I am straight and not into group sex, that I want multiple relationships with men, and a look of horror and disgust came over him. I saw that, in his eyes, any woman who wants more than one penis in her life is nothing but a trashy whore.

I no longer use the word polyamory anymore. I talk about exclusivity/non-exclusivity, developing loving relationships, and commitment to honesty, but I stay away from the word polyamory just because of the misconceptions out there.

I'm sorry this happened to you. At least now you are prepared for the next dirtbag who tries something like that. Remember, knee to nuts.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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