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Old 08-04-2012, 09:31 PM
bingshari bingshari is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 23
Default Hello from Central/Upstate New York

Hi everyone. I am a lesbian woman with bisexual tendencies (lol) married to another woman, and involved in a triad with a third woman. Contrary to all those unicorn seekers out there...we are not an equally balanced triad. I do have a very intimate and sexual relationship with my wife and our gf. However, my wife and gf are intimately linked and sexual, while myself and our gf have more of a "friends with benefits" relationship. Occasional one on one sexual time...but mostly just really good friends. We are all relatively new to poly, though my wife and I were swingers before embarking on this adventure.

We are all experiencing some NRE as a triad, and my wife and gf are in the throes of serious NRE. I am little bit on the outside of all that. In our discussions, of which we have many, I am struggling with being a bit of the outsider when the two of them get wrapped up in each other, or want time alone. Yup...the green eyed monster pops her ugly head up and starts poking me...lol.

I love the poly lifestyle...but I am also realizing that I want a little more out of it and may have to seek an additional partner to meet my needs.

So....I have a LOT to learn. Any and all advice...from navigating the triad to dating advice is welcome.


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Old 08-04-2012, 11:36 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,900

Welcome to the forums!

You will read all sorts of stories here about people seeking an "equal all the way around" poly triad. The truth seems to be that most triads/vees are lopsided - because all relationships are different - they change and grow at different rates. This doesn't mean that they don't work - recognizing that feeling the outsider sometimes doesn't mean that there is something fundamentally wrong with the situation I think is key.

Recognizing your own needs, and working out how to get your needs met is fundamental. Appreciating your relationship/friendship with GF for what it is and being open to dating someone else independently (who may or may not develop a relationship with your wife or GF) sound like the healthy route to me.

Welcome to the poly roller-coast - hope you enjoy the ride!

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:06 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

Ooh, which bit of central/upstate? Quite a few of us are scattered between Rochester and Syracuse.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:13 AM
Adam Adam is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central New York
Posts: 23

*Raising my hand*
Indeed, there are a few of us.

If no one has yet informed you, there's also a forum more specific to NYS: TheBirdCage.org
Others here can fill you in more on that, however, as the Mods there are members here as well...

In any case, welcome!
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
--Isaac Asimov

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
--Robert A. Heinlein

Bloggin' it.
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:41 PM
bingshari bingshari is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 23

Thank You JaneQ...it is quite the ride so far!

Lovefromgirl...I am located in Binghamton. Its a good location. So I have the ability to go pretty much anywhere in CNY. Still trying to figure out who/where the poly community is.

Adam...thanks! I am a member of the Birdcage, but it seems like there is little interaction there. So far this site is more active...imho
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:28 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Welcome - there are certainly a lot of folks in the Southern Tier of NY, for sure - it's been difficult to get everyone to arrange meet-ups, though - people seem to be all really busy this summer. This forum tends to be a lot busier simply because it's for the whole world :-)

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 08-05-2012, 10:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,957

Hi Shari,
Welcome to our forum.

My general advice is usually take it slow, and let the relationships be what they will be. It's good that you guys do a lot of communicating. That's a must!

Hope you enjoy your time on our site.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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human kind....be both

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