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  #11  
Old 05-31-2009, 04:26 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I am only speaking for myself as a person, not about all women everywhere.

Furthermore, I did not realize that until AFTER we got married; marriage really IS about everyone BUT the [two] people involved. If it were only about love, etc. there would be no use for it.
IMO, it should mostly be about raising children in a secure and healthy environment. You should have love for your partner in that enterprise.
With a poly relationship, all of the adults should still focus on the children, but occasional moments of gratification can be considered a reward for your efforts.

Framing it in this light should help people understand the difference between a marriage and a "civil union." When the intent is addressed as "creating a family" it becomes harder for a homosexual couple to justify the intentions. Many hetero couples get married without any intention of rearing children. Just between me and wall, it isn't a real good idea. Divorce can follow marriage, and somebody is going to get the shaft and not have any smiling children to justify their poor judgment and irrational moment of decision.

Last edited by alphafour; 05-31-2009 at 04:37 PM. Reason: more thoughts about kids
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  #12  
Old 05-31-2009, 04:32 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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So much for your psychic powers.

I am so CF (child-free), that I can't even find the words to respond to that without maximum snarkiness.

Obviously, marriage and reproduction are not practical co-requisites.

Edit:

I'm not going to squeeze out a kid just so I'll have company in case I get divorced. That's what god invented cats for.


Furthermore, "smiling children" should not be produced to "justify their [parents'] poor judgment and irrational moment of decision". In reality, children often ARE the product of poor judgement and an irrational moment of INdecision (or failure to use birth-control).

Guess I should head over to the courthouse and file for divorce first thing tomorrow morning. Either that, or I should get a kid pronto.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-31-2009 at 04:47 PM.
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  #13  
Old 05-31-2009, 04:53 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
So much for your psychic powers.

I am so CF (child-free), that I can't even find the words to respond to that without maximum snarkiness.

Obviously, marriage and reproduction are not practical co-requisites.

Edit:

I'm not going to squeeze out a kid just so I'll have company in case I get divorced. That's what god invented cats for.


Furthermore, "smiling children" should not be produced to "justify their [parents'] poor judgment and irrational moment of decision". In reality, children often ARE the product of poor judgement and an irrational moment of INdecision (or failure to use birth-control).

Guess I should head over to the courthouse and file for divorce first thing tomorrow morning. Either that, or I should get a kid pronto.
Have you ever heard of a "Cat Lady?" You don't want to be one. Of course, being an empath, I realize that cats are better than most men. I am an empath, so I have "cat like" feelings and understanding of yours. Most men don't. Cats are nice to have around when you feel sad.

Children are a responsibility, and so are cats and dogs. Divorce laws were created to enforce the rearing responsibility and to make sure the kids are smiling and do justify the original partnership. You can disagree, and I will agree to your right to hold your own opinion.
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  #14  
Old 05-31-2009, 05:26 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Facinating as it may be to weigh the pro’s and con’s of becoming a crazy cat lady is...I don’t know what it has to do with the OP’s questions.

“Stay on target...” – Gold Leader

Cheers.
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Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 05-31-2009 at 06:18 PM.
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  #15  
Old 05-31-2009, 05:29 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Facinating as it may be to weight the pro’s and con’s of becoming a crazy cat lady is...I don’t know what it has to do with the OP’s questions.

“Stay on target...” – Gold Leader

Cheers.

It is at least close enough to the target to exceed the argument that it is off topic. Your complaint is offtopic.

We could probably create an entire thread just to analyse the debate tactics of this one. That would be better than hijacking the thread to argue the finer points of point and counterpoint. What would you suggest I do when an opposing debater chooses to slip a "Red Herring" in.

Last edited by alphafour; 05-31-2009 at 05:39 PM.
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  #16  
Old 05-31-2009, 07:09 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
We could probably create an entire thread just to analyse the debate tactics of this one. That would be better than hijacking the thread to argue the finer points of point and counterpoint. What would you suggest I do when an opposing debater chooses to slip a "Red Herring" in.
That's a great idea. I have created a thread here for the Marriage & Kids debate to carry on unabaited.
In the meantime, I'd be very interested to see what people have to offer the OP, as the last directly related post seemed to be from Danny40179 (Thanks).

Cheers.
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  #17  
Old 05-31-2009, 07:49 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Earth to gold leader/

This is the last response from the original poster. It is usually wise to take into account any additional information which the original poster supplies. The OP (original post) usually lacks detail, and in a normal discussion where "Gold leaders" aren't trying to outgun the "Alphadogg" the thread might lead away from the content of the OP without "Gold leaders" approval.

You might wish to read up, and post something which is relative to the discussion instead of inciting a mutiny.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Maybe that's partly what this is. I like to believe that I'm pretty self sufficient though and that I can defend myself against what the world has to throw at me. Given my husband's job I do spend long periods of time alone and have to take what is thrown at me. But you are right that when he is home I do rely on him to take on his role as part of this family. Our time is sometimes fairly limited together and so I expect a lot of him when he is home to make up for the time that he is away.


There is so many things going on in my head and not a lot of it makes sense. I know things logically but I guess I just don't know them emotionally. More stuff to work through I guess. And here I was thinking that I didn't have any issues. I have a lot of issues that have come from a whole lot of places. I was so good at repressing them until now :P.

I think what I need is someone who has been in the early stages of poly and has gotten through it who I can confide in. Talking to your spouse only goes so far especailly when you're both coming into the discussion with somewhat of an agenda. We have friends that we can bounch other things off of and I think I could really use a friend who I can bounch poly stuff off of. Someone who understands the emotions and the difference between the logical and the emotional. I don't see the discussions between my spouse and I as moving forward anymore. It's important to talk and to be heard but it gets to the point when you're just having the same discussion over and over again and never coming up with any way of advancing.
I did not have this discussion with a human, and went through my first stages of poly all by myself. I understand that both of you would have mixed feelings. We are all programmed by our society to look for the "Damsel in Distress" or the "Prince Charming," not Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men.

What I see in poly friendly people is a desire to build community. You didn't mention any kids, so I won't assume that my speculation on their existence had relevent merits. If you could update that info, I am sure that "Gold Leader" and "Alphadogg" can come an agreement on where that portion of the discussion should be placed.

Last edited by alphafour; 05-31-2009 at 08:14 PM. Reason: typo
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  #18  
Old 05-31-2009, 10:30 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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I smell testosterone poisoning!

Yes I have kids but I don't really understand how that factors into anything.
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  #19  
Old 05-31-2009, 10:46 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Yes I have kids but I don't really understand how that factors into anything.
I suppose we could work without all the details. I just don't believe that you get a full picture of the situation unless you consider how your actions might affect them.

Last edited by alphafour; 05-31-2009 at 10:48 PM.
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  #20  
Old 05-31-2009, 10:52 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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My kids have 2 parents who care about them very much. Neither of us would do anything to jepordize their welfare. Of couse we consider how our actions will affect them. They are still small so the debate is how much to tell them and when. But that is a conversation for a different topic. This topic (at least to me) is how do I get over my insecurities.
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