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Old 07-11-2012, 11:39 PM
Pretzels Pretzels is offline
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Funny thing about being the lady in our MFM...despite years of opportunities and a really deep friendship, I never dared do anything with T and E because I thought they were together.

Boy was I wrong.

Boy was I right.

When T made his move with me, it instantly blew up the friendship between him and E and my friendship with E was collateral damage. Thus began a period now known as "The Great Unhappiness."

Why did everything go so wrong when everyone was supposedly single?

Well, throughout the years, T and E had been mildly intimate and T's growing interest in me had caused E intense stress to the point of blowing everything up and firing T and I as friends. (Or at least trying his hardest to.)

From the very beginning, E asked for something with both of us. I was open to it but I knew that T was not there yet. It took about two months of complete emotional hell for all of us to get to the same place and say, "Well, doing a polyandry thing might make it so that we can all stay friends."

So, on our long-way around the barn journey, yes. I love it that my guys are at least still very good friends and, if not entirely "in" love with each other, can love and care for each other. I'm out of town on business pretty frequently, and they sleep in the same bed at home while I'm gone just as they did before I arrived on the scene.

I think the double-standard might exist because of all the hype about women's sexuality being fluid, like a river, between the sexes and men's being more fixed. Also, that study that said that bisexual men don't exist except, whoops, who did the researcher end up interviewing and following? A bunch of gay men who had responded to an ad. The research II: Electric Boogaloo is saying that, yes, Virginia, a man can be attracted to men AND ladies.
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:42 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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For me, I love it that my men are so close to and comfortable with each other even though they are both straight. They were best friends before I met and got together with Dude. We all live and sleep together (I get the middle!) but the boys are not sexual with each other even though they are comfortable being naked around each other, sleeping in the same bed when I am not there, and being sexual with me together at times (with likely some voyeurism/exhibitionism thrown into the mix). I know that they love and care for each other as best friends and metamours and enjoy and appreciate seeing how happy the other makes me - which is why our Vee has worked out as well as it has so far, I think.

I am not typically attracted to bisexual men and the idea of male-on-male sex is not a turn-on for me. (The same is NOT true for bisexual women...) So if one or both of them expressed an interest in pursuing other men (or each other) sexually then that would require a perspective shift on my part.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:43 AM
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Glitter Glitter is offline
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My own preference right now, is that there are no triads here. I want my own relationship to develop on it's own, and hubby's to develop on it's own. We can be friends, I want that actually. I just don't want the complications that come with more than that.
Me: 33 F
Married to: Storm 35 M
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Old 07-13-2012, 05:50 AM
JohnnyDangerously JohnnyDangerously is offline
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Posts: 31

Well, I currently don't have a GF I am active with, but my wife has a BF and we have done the threesome thing, and it was pretty hot. But we are both very straight, and only share a friendship and the love of the same woman. So that combo was all about her.

And while I enjoy seeing her enjoying him and him pleasuring her, there isn't a single thing I find sexually attractive about him or any guy!!! But we can still do the MFM thing fine... ;-)
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Old 07-21-2012, 10:29 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I am a straight woman. My poly dream is to have four male lover-friends, all of whom I date separately. Right I have one lover-friend and one new situation budding, with several potentials currently orbiting around me. I would love to have a threesome or moresome with two or more men, but I frankly would not want any of them to be sexual with each other. Men having sex with men does not turn me on at all. I've watched guy-on-guy porn to see if I could like it, but I don't.

In fact, if I am attracted to a guy and then find out he is bisexual, I almost immediately lose interest. For me, it has something to do with my perceptions of masculinity. I am attracted to men that I consider masculine. I like unconventionally attractive men, but rarely am I drawn to those whom I would consider effeminate or delicate. When I find out a guy is bi or gay, even if he is physically appealing to me and meets my idea of masculine, knowing he is bisexual just computes as less masculine in my brain. I don't know why that is, and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that because I know it is probably mostly conditioning, but any attraction I had just shuts down if a guy is bisexual or gay.

While I am sure I have been conditioned to think this way, I don't believe your idea of avoiding objectifying men has anything to do with that. I think my conditioning has simply been about what is masculine and what is not.
So, any threesomes/moresomes I would want to be involved in would just be with straight guys who, clearly, need to be comfortable in that sort of situation with another guy. Obviously, their focus would be on me (a girl can dream, can't she!). This would apply whether for the long-term or a one-night stand kind of threesome. The threesomes I have had (many years ago) were basically where the two guys "took turns" with me. If I were to have a threesome nowadays, I would like it to be more of a cooperative effort than it was back then, but it still would be about them servicing me and me servicing them, but not them servicing each other.

I found your comment about objectifying men like pieces of meat rather odd, since I view the whole "two chicks together is hawt" kind of thinking as an objectification of women (of course, I'm not talking about when a woman is genuinely atracted to another woman but when "two chicks getting it on" is fetishized by hetero guys as a fantasy, and it's all about the guys' enjoyment. Guys like that only want to see the most femme chicks kissing and having sex, and yet they will be the first to ridicule the really butchy types of dykes; or they will get into poly and make rules that their female partner can only be involved sexually with other women, even though she may want to be with other men. It's all about him and what he wants = Objectification!).

Since the word polyandry usually refers to a marriage of one woman and multiple men, we can't really be polyandrous in our culture, where marriage is limited to being only among two people, but since I would like to be involved with several men I do find it interesting that your question limited your hypothetical woman to only two male partners.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-21-2012 at 10:31 AM.
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:07 PM
fireman29 fireman29 is offline
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to nycindie, i appreciated your response because i can tell you really considered the question i presented and your post was honest and insightful. I didn't mean to imply that two women together being hot was somehow not an objectification of women. clearly it is, as you pointed out. i guess my point was, that we as a society, are completely comfortable objectifying women. This is a double standard of course, because nobody seems comfortable with the opposite, women obejectifying men. seems as though society is reluctant to acknowledge females as sexual creatures. even in a scenario where women seemingly objectify men, such as a male stripper at a bachelorette party, it is typically done in a lighthearted, fun and even silly way. it never seems lustful somehow. I will admit that i could be completely off base on that point because im not a woman and i am basically speculating based on the small amount of evidence i have experienced in my own life. thats the main reason i posted this question, because i wanted honest female opinions that could speak to the point far better than i can. in my case the question about two men together in a threesome context is purely academic, because i am heterosexual. i guess the double standard just bothers me. also the one woman-two man scenario was just a hypothetical that i threw out there offhand. i believe the same principle would apply in situations involving more than two men.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I was the hinge in a MFM then. I am the wife of a FM duo right now.

At the time we were all singles coming together. So it was like a level playing field.

I had my basic polygirl gamebook, the monoboys signed on. It was more or less like this one today, but not as neat and bullet listy. One big thing on it and is still was JUST SPEAK UP. Do not lie to me.

Articulation of wants, needs, and limits is the nut/bolt basics of clear communication and if you cannot hack that if you revert to lies, just don't bother to play with me.

I gave them access to each other (names, contact) and left it alone. They could be whatever. There was some jealousy afoot but I wasn't going to get excited about it. It was not my bag.

As a partner I could help unpack baggage, help sort, give suggestions for what doesn't fit any more and should be thrown out, but... in the end?

Everyone holding their own bag! Don't dump YOUR baggage on me. If even you don't want it -- toss it. Do not overload ME with trash. That is fresh.

They chose to take their tier just to the respectful acquaintance meta place and that was fine with me. It's their tier to drive on the polyship. Not mine.

For the women out there, in your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately?

I do not have an ideal. I am content to see what Life brings me.

In the MFM of yesterday?

They dated me separately. If they could have been friends, I would have been happy for them and compersive. But that was a relationship they owned and made choices about in its developing. That's not my tier in that polyship's polymath. I certainly would have welcome that. Adds to the kooshy. But I do not EXPECT that.

I know there are many factors at play, such as the orientation of the guys etc, but taking all other considerations out of it, how would you prefer it?

I do not care. I love who I love. If I love two guys, I love their orientation. It is part of them.

In my case, It was two strayt guys. (ID as heterosexual but not close minded or huffystuffy WEIRD). I can't be with people who can't love my friends -- and I do have all kinds of rainbow friends.

I myself ID as bi. For a short time a poly BI guy was on my horizon and I deliberately friend zoned him in my head. I was having a hard time with time management and even though I was attracted, and I think he was too, we had to be content to keep it at friend level and enjoyed each other as friends but the crushie thing was never spoken out loud.

I simply have a low polysaturation point and my V was PLENTY for me on that tier. Changing it to... something else.... yergh. Maybe the right person, but so not the Right Time.

would your preference be different if it was just a one night hookup with two guys?

I do not swing. Does not apply.

It is an interesting question to me, because it seems that in the mainstream world, two women together, in a threesome context or otherwise, are "hot" and two guys interacting sexually in any way is gross. Not sure why this double standard exists, but i believe it is because if women are turned on by two men interacting sexually, either in a threesome or just performing for her enjoyment, it seems as though they are objectifying those men like pieces of meat. I believe most of society, including alot of women, is conditioned to be uncomfortable with that. thoughts?
Not my tier.

My then BF/now DH identifies at strayt but could possible go with "situational bi" IF the other person is a good friend. He just can't cope with stranger hook ups and neither can I. So yay for me!

My then OSO identified as strayt but his back door was exit only, so not EVEN situational bi. Ever. Buddies with a meta, max.

They were not friends though -- they were meta acquaintances with a lot of respect. Which was MY minimum in order for the "V" to fly well. And they held that up -- neither one got all wacko over anything.

Sooo.... HAD they chosen to develop a friendship?

HAD my OSO been wired like DH -- situational bi in the right circumstances with a friend?

Well, my birthdays would have been very interesting indeed! Because then "special occassions only" could have been mine to ethically ask for as a want but not a need.

And of course theirs to grant if they felt like going there. It's their thing to own -- I could be told NO.

Whether a threesome or allowing me a voyeur act -- no matter. It's all eye candy.

What turns me on is the bucket stir -- so in THIS situation, what buckets of mine got stirred? Mind? Body? Heart? Soul? WHY?

To me? That's the hawt.

But I can access the same hawt (if not to the same volume) in the eye of my imagination, so it's not like I'm missing anything if the V arms don't want to go there in RL.

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Old 07-27-2012, 04:33 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Originally Posted by fireman29 View Post
For the women out there, in your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately?
Eh, whatever they liked. I mean, I wouldn't say no to joining a couple that registered high on the Kinsey, but I don't need that to be happy. Also, nope, their relationship is not my porn! There's porn for that.
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

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Old 08-04-2012, 07:06 PM
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crushed crushed is offline
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Location: Twin Cities
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in my V... neither my Husband or boyfriend identify as bi or gay - just the opposite. I have many friends that identify as gay, bi, trans - but do not find myself attracted to gay, bi or trans men. I prefer to be with straight men, as wrong as that may sound to others. My fellas were friends 20 years ago, but no longer consider themselves friends. With the discussion of my bf moving to be closer to me, I have asked if they could try to form a friendship. They have both agreed that they are open to that. I am hopeful that they will form a close friendship. I think that would be easiest for all involved - and provides for easier, open and honest communication - but that will be there choice to make. My husband is open to meet another women as he and his GF broke up last year, but my BF is mono. He tried dating another woman and found he couldn't be honest with everyone involved, it was uncomfortable for him and he felt like he was cheating on me. He chooses to be mono, my husband is mono because he hasn't looked for anyone new at this point. I consider them both my loves and they fill my life with so much joy and happiness.
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Old 08-05-2012, 12:00 AM
Truebrooke Truebrooke is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 7

Thoughts in no particular order.

Last year I had an encounter with two men, one whom I'd dated briefly, Ris and the other his long-time bi-curious friend, Muir. A few years ago Muir had expressed love and intrest for Ris (thinking himself to perhaps be gay) but Ris had be startled and "weirded out" but this advance. Over time this sorted itself out to buddy love. Enter me, having a summer fling with Ris. Ris keeps telling me I should meet Muir. We finally meet, there's a connection of sorts. They are both keen to snuggle in bed with me. We cuddle in bed, and as Ris is being affectionate with me, and me then to Muir (picture a triple spooning) I felt as if I was the channel for their affection. It wasn't so much a threesome as it felt like Ris had been conditioned to be uncomfortable being affectionate with Muir, but doing so with me was ok. I felt privileged to be there, but almost invisible.

With my current partner Lex I think there is potential for a threesome w two men, though I doubt he would get sexual with the other. My lover/friend Adam has expressed Bi-curiosity and I wonder if he'd ever be up to a MMF combo.

Personally, though Lex and Adam have met briefly, I currently feel a great want for them to talk more. As the hinge in this lopsided V (more time/partner ship with Lex currently) I feel like my arms are too far apart reaching both of them. But thank you for the reminder that how they choose to do their relationship is not MY part. I do wish however though that they could talk/hang out more and have expressed this to each of them. I feel sometimes like the go-between since they both want to know that the other is ok with the current arrangement. Shouldn't they just talk to each other?

Philosophically, I think multiple male configurations are great, even on a biological level. I could cum with one of them and then the other. We could partner together to raise children, instead of in the polygamist model of there being less than 2.0 parents, if the male impregnates several females. I think a higher rather than lower parent/child ratio is better.
Me: 24yrd old woman. Lex: my current partner (new this year) . Adam: my lover for 2.5 yrs. I have yet to be with another woman.
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polyandry, threesomes

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