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  #61  
Old 10-28-2011, 12:44 AM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default unicorn definition from urban dictionary

Colloquial; Synonym for hot bi babe or HBB, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexual person, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple.

The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often "complete" their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a "unicorn", as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bipoly women around.

Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bipoly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets. See related prescriptive vs. descriptive.
John wants a single, attractive woman who will love and have sex equally with him and his wife, but not interfere with their marriage, move in together, help raise their kids but not have any of her own, and not have any other partners. He's looking for something that doesn't exist - he's looking for a unicorn!
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  #62  
Old 10-28-2011, 03:34 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I would say that you're a couple interested in the possibility of eventually finding yourselves in a triad with another woman if it should happen to work out for all three of you... and while that may superficially look just like unicorn-hunting, it's actually radically different.

My take on the whole unicorn thing is that unicorns do not in fact exist. A unicorn us not a person, she's a couple's naive, idealized, unrealistic, and ultimately (maybe consciously but usually quite unconsciously) self-serving *idea* of a woman. You sound like you're willing to see and accept a woman for who she really is and consider her needs and desires in a balanced, flexible, and realistic way... again, to my mind, completely different from unicorn hunting.

So, I'd just make that clear when you're meeting women! When you've got a good vibe going, you can say something like "Hey, you seem awesome. We're open to whatever might develop here, whether it's casual or serious, a vee or a triad, whatever actually works for all of us. Some day we both think it'd be really neat to form a triad with the two of us and a woman who dug us both, but that's only if it would actually make sense for all involved... we're not tied to that structure and aren't trying to dictate to you how things oughta go, whether or not you like one of us or both of us, who else you can see, or anything like that at all."
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  #63  
Old 10-28-2011, 11:50 AM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default Unicorn

I posted the definition of unicorn because I kinda saw it as not being true poly, poly means loving of more than one. This has a woman basically locked down as something between a servant and a lover. I could never see myself 'hunting' a unicorn. It just doesnt feel poly. Would I love to have a woman be part of our life, ones of course, but I would not put any restrictions on her any more than is on anyone else in our partnership.
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  #64  
Old 11-14-2011, 10:17 PM
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Default Urban Dictionary- Unicorn Hunters

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...&defid=4871270

A link that describes all I know about the term. Is there a term for couples who do not fit this term and are looking for a woman that is interested in the possibility of a triad? Or is that term just simply "triad? "
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  #65  
Old 11-14-2011, 11:14 PM
zylya zylya is offline
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I think that once you get people who are "in-tune" enough with poly that they're looking for a triad but aren't unicorn hunters, then all you're really left with is polyamorists. I'm in a dyad currently and we'd both be interested in a triad, since she's a bisexual female and I'm a straight male, and we're both into threesomes (and other group sex) and would obviously enjoy anyone who was similar. That said, we're not unicorn hunters because our relationship is totally open, it's not the unicorned poly-fi triad with all the classic unicorn hunter conventions. We're basically two people who don't believe in sexual exclusivity but enjoy sharing love with other people. While we would both LIKE a triad, it's not to the exclusion of the myriad other forms of love that are out there.
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  #66  
Old 11-15-2011, 06:31 AM
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zylya, thanks for your refreshing thoughts. I was beginning to be a bit "unicorn hunting" saturated this week on many different levels...
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  #67  
Old 11-15-2011, 11:28 AM
zylya zylya is offline
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I'm not surprised about saturation, there's a lot of it around! Fortunately for me, it's actually a very good "What No To Do" guide if I am ever considering someone to join us as a third person
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  #68  
Old 08-03-2012, 08:01 AM
PassionFlower PassionFlower is offline
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Default Being a unicorn, for the first time...and new to practicing poly

Where to begin? First of all, I am writing this post because I want to be good to myself and to my lovers, and not fuck up just because I didn't write a post here and get some (hopefully) good advice from those with more experience.

If I don't get any insights, I am sure I will still navigate fairly successfully through my new relationships using the tools I finely honed in my marriage (which is now over, for many reasons which can be boiled down to he wanted security and I wanted freedom, and we became incompatible). Communication, self-awareness, openness, consideration, understanding, commitment: I have all those things in spades.

What I don't have is experience in being a secondary. And it's been a long, long time since I experienced NRE. Heady stuff! I am pretty drunk on it, and I find it wonderful and exhausting.

Since separating from my husband, I have approached poly with a very open mind, not putting many parameters on what I want, just seeing what might be out there. I have been thinking and reading and exploring internally poly for 3 years, and had a few poly (threesome) experiences that didn't work out so well with my ex-husband.

I met this amazing couple. I was mostly looking for a woman to explore with, and found a woman online who is married but said they were looking for a woman together but wanting to focus on the female female connection. So we met, and had an instant connection, her and I. A few days later I met her husband, and had an instant connection with him too. We had a threesome which blew my mind, as it was totally different from what I had experienced before.

And I just felt like I fit. Like, here it is, this is amazing. This is the kind of relationship I had wanted to create in my marriage, but couldn't because my husband wasn't open to it.

I tend to approach relationships very seriously. I think about the big picture. I had very few boyfriends before I met my husband because I would quickly discern whether someone was a good fit for me or not, whether I could see myself with them in the long term. I like long term, committed relationships, full of deep and meaningful connections, where you know each other really well, know the flaws and the quirks and the passions, and accept the person and are accepted, and you know it's real because you've been there long enough to see the real person and have them see you.

And at the start of my poly life I decided to just try to see how more casual relationships felt for me: friends with benefits, lovers kind of thing. I don't know if I can do those kinds of relationships, I just want to get deep. And I have kids and I'm starting to see how my time is very limited. When I would think about poly before I would envision a house full of women living together and loving each other, a community of lovers supporting each other day to day. And I'm discovering that I want to build something like that, or at least find primary people (persons) to build with.

So here's the thing. I am used to being a in a monogamous relationship, where my partner and I are at the center of each other's worlds. And I am in a relationship with a couple who are the center of each other's worlds. And I want to be part of it. They are great at communicating, seem very good with talking about emotions, and have experience with a triad. So I am pretty happy with where they're at. But I don't know how serious I should get. It's new, it's NRE, I get that you can't go ahead and plan the rest of your life. The same with ANY relationship, even traditional heterosexual monogamy. But with hetero mono there's usually a concept of looking for someone to share life with, and trying to find a good fit for that. I don't have a good idea of what's being looked for here.

I want to find people to share my life with. Live with. Be a family with my kids with. In the context of being polyamorous, however that looks.

But I don't know if having a conversation about the possibility of that vision this early on is too much, too fast. Again, not making plans, but just kind of seeing if there's a shared vision there. Because they have an established relationship and a shared life already, and I am just really unsure about my place, and if my vision for what I ultimately want will fit there, and I don't know if I should wait to talk about it until we know each other better so I don't freak them out.

Communication and honesty are great, but sometimes jumping the gun is just jumping the gun. So I don't know which to do. Let myself talk about the big picture, or just wait and try to calm myself and not have to have all the possibilities laid out? It's unknown anyway...should I just leave it be and see what unfolds? Or is talking about what I want right from the start a good idea? And is it realistic? Or should I really just be looking for a single primary to share my life with and go from there in inviting other people in?

FYI, I am bisexual and really into both of them, and exploring the nuances of what I feel for each of them, separately and together. Also FYI, this is my second relationship with a woman, and the first was very constrained by my ex-husband's boundaries/rules/guidelines. The first woman I had a sexual loving relationship with was living with us at the time. I loved all of it, except the constraints.
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  #69  
Old 08-04-2012, 02:56 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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This is the get to know you time.

It is perfectly fine time to go "So... since this is the get to know you time... where do you see this all going over the next 6 mos? Not making life changing plans but jsut to see what is, is not on the table here? Before we get in too much deeper? "

I like KISS: Keep it simple, silly.

Makes my life easier.

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  #70  
Old 08-28-2012, 04:10 PM
DeniseTotallyUniqueUn1958 DeniseTotallyUniqueUn1958 is offline
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Default Single ladies, using the term "unicorn"

and putting yourself out there as one. Do you find that suddenly, it's assumed you are the mythical girl that so many couples are seeking?

I'm new to all the terminology but after reading maybe hundreds of profiles couples are putting out there; it certainly seems they are Way Way out there in their expectations!

So, I don't know about you ladies but to me so far many of these couples really believe the myth! Then they get mad and go away LOL


Jus wonnering..

Denise
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adding a partner, attitude, expectations, love, one penis policy, opp, polyamory, polyfidelity, triad, truth, unicorn, unicorn definition, unicorn hunters, unicorn hunting, unicorns

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