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  #21  
Old 07-30-2012, 04:58 PM
thenewgirl79 thenewgirl79 is offline
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i dont understand...whats the difference between finding a real person and a unicorn? unicorns are real people
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  #22  
Old 07-30-2012, 11:21 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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my bad...what else can i say?
Aw.... *hug* You don't need to say ANYTHING more.

We've all been there one time or another. I just wanted to send you sympathy in your "Hang Time at the Forge." That's what I call it because to me it feels like someone strung me up over a hot forge oven. I'm stuck there and it's hot, I cannot cut it because I drop into fire. Either way I squirrrrrrmmmmm. But I dowanna just STAY there either!

I'm not judging. Just... keeping it real and acknowledging what is. You are experiencing a hang time. Sigh. I've been spending some time there myself. But that's what it is.

I wish I could GIVE you the answer but it is not mine to give. It's it hers.

Butterflies churning in stomach (the bad way to feel ugh) vs someone just melting your buttah making your stomach churn! (the good way to feel ugh)

And to get past it? Just so I can KNOW what side it will come down on?

I just dinged my person and said "Yo! Wassup?!" and they answered and I felt better faster than if I what iffed a while in limbo waiting and waiting. Even if they ended up rejecting my ding, that's STILL moving it forward for me so I can get to the happy place again.

So either way I win. With or without them.

I just so dislike limboland -- Hang Time at the Forge. I don't think anyone goes there liking it. *hug*

It's ok to have been really excited to get started dating, but express THAT as your hook rather than offering pix next time. "I really and excited to meet you in person!" Maybe that's easier to take if it comes to a halt?

Then you feel ugh like a ping and not UGGGGGGHHHH like a big ol' PONG?

I really do hope she's called back and cleared things up with you.

At least you have people here waiting WITH you? Does that help?

Well, have an extra support hug anyway. Hang in there!

***hug***

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-31-2012 at 07:22 AM.
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  #23  
Old 07-31-2012, 02:52 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thenewgirl79 View Post
i dont understand...whats the difference between finding a real person and a unicorn? unicorns are real people
By looking for a unicorn you're limiting your options severely. You may have more luck if you look for a person you click with and then work out how they fit into your life rather than identifying a unicorn shaped hole in your relationship model and insisting that anyone you meet has to fit it exactly.

Edit: Also—back on the nude photos issue—think of how you'd advise your hypothetical 16 year-old niece if she mentioned she was going to start sexting her new boyfriend.

Last edited by Emm; 07-31-2012 at 03:00 AM.
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  #24  
Old 07-31-2012, 03:20 AM
thenewgirl79 thenewgirl79 is offline
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16 really? ... i can appreciate your view so long as you realize i am 33 years old and i wasnt sexting. i didnt have sex with anyone over text or otherwise. she wanted proof that we werent sending her pics of some random couple i found on facebook. Her theory was nudes arent allowed on facebook. But it was a poor choice to trust her, i know that now...not doing it with another woman again.

Also, there is no "unicorn shaped hole" in my relationship. if there was any sized hole at all i would not be looking for a gf. i would fill the hole first since my husband is the most important relationship in my life aside from my kids.

i do not beleive in pursuing a relationship with anyone if my current relationship has any issues, holes, or problems. period.

my wanting a gf is simply looking to ad to the beauty of our relationship and trust. and to share with someone special the wonderful man i know i have because quite frankly, there arent many left like him and theres a lot of lonely girls looking for men just like him.

however, after posting in the forums, i am starting to feel like maybe this polyamore isnt right for me...because i do not know how to do it right apparently
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  #25  
Old 07-31-2012, 03:39 AM
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By "Unicorn shaped hole" I mean that you appear to have a shape already worked out for this potential GF to fit in to. From your other thread it appears the big ones are: She will date both you and your husband. She will be equally involved with both of you. She will not be allowed to fall in love with either of you or be allowed to cause either of you to fall in love with her. You haven't mentioned if she will be allowed to have existing children or other relationships outside of the one she'll have with you, so you may not have those criteria on your unicorn-spotting checklist.

By insisting on such specifics you will have great trouble finding someone who fits all your criteria. If, instead, you go out and meet someone and then just see how the relationship develops you might just find someone who checks boxes you didn't even know you had.

As for the "16 year old niece" thing, well sexting - the sending of nude or explicit photos, usually by phone - is quite common in that age group. Both you and the hypothetical 16 year old are venturing into new dating territory. I'm not trying to imply you're immature, but you do show signs of naively trusting where you might better hold off a while.

Last edited by Emm; 07-31-2012 at 03:43 AM.
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  #26  
Old 07-31-2012, 03:43 AM
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Op you seem to be looking for a mythical creature to fit right into your relationship with you and your husband. That is going to be difficult if there is even such a person.

It is intimindating to think about developing a relationship with a single person without throwing a second persons needs, wants, desires into it. She may have been just looking to develop something with YOU first. Perhaps she decided she did not want a couple.

Last edited by Dagferi; 07-31-2012 at 03:45 AM.
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  #27  
Old 07-31-2012, 11:52 AM
thenewgirl79 thenewgirl79 is offline
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well it appears my friend with experience told me something completely different about a unicorn. she implied the woman had feelings for both the husband and spouse and could even so much as move with them if they were stationed across state...she said nothing about emotionless...therefor, we have different definitions based on my friends personal experience.

either way, for my naive-ness, sure...i joined a forum to try to fix that. I got offended when you didnt find nicer wording for calling me naive. When you grow up in a family full of "christians" and some of the ministers you are expected to act and look a certain way and never allowed to even talk to people with "jezzebll spirits". Just so you know, i had no idea that polyamore was even a real word until a year ago. And then i thought it meant something like the sister wife show where all the wives are married to the man...not to each other too.

My curiosity to investigate further to see what else there was to it didnt even spark until i was talking to my friend about what i wanted for me and my husband ...because i had no idea what it was called... and she starting labeling things like unicorn and poly dating. She described a unicorn as someone who was basically "courting" both the man and the woman. A seriously relationship, not a no strings attached thing.

if you follow my other thread as someone mentioned they did, yes, at first, i was a little scared about my husband loving someone else. But, i also mentioned later that i had discussed it more with him and more deeply and had gotten more secure. I didnt wanna go into anything blindsided. We discussed it more deeply before i found the lady who i will say taught me my lesson. In this lifestyle i will simply have to trust less in the beginning.

However, there is probably not even going to be a lifestyle change right now because my husband is reclassing and we have no idea where he is going to pcs to or when. So, all i can do now is sponge information before i know where my family will be rooted.
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  #28  
Old 07-31-2012, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thenewgirl79 View Post
well it appears my friend with experience told me something completely different about a unicorn. she implied the woman had feelings for both the husband and spouse and could even so much as move with them if they were stationed across state...she said nothing about emotionless...therefor, we have different definitions based on my friends personal experience.
Your friend's definition matches the one most commonly used here. It was you who said in your other thread that no emotions were to be allowed. I'm glad to hear you've changed your mind on that one.

If you choose to be offended by someone trying to help you avoid the same problems happening over and over again that's your prerogative and I'll leave you to it.
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  #29  
Old 07-31-2012, 03:29 PM
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I am sorry Op that you got hurt. It sucks.

From reading your other thread about what you are looking for I have to say you are searching for something that may be hard to find. You are dealing with real people not fantasies.
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  #30  
Old 07-31-2012, 08:09 PM
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Mintcar Mintcar is offline
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I guess you could say that I was the mythical unicorn. We do exist, but I think our relationships just kinda happen, you know?
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