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  #311  
Old 07-28-2012, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
Incidentally... out of interest (not confrontation) - do you believe that it is wrong, or too difficult, to have children in a poly environment?

It's something that we've all battled with, so I would be very interested to hear your thoughts.
As we are just starting down that road my answer would be: No. Why should it be more wrong than having a children in a 'normal' 2-person-relationship? The more healthy adults around a child, the better for the child. (Stress on healthy and mature in this case ) That's my conviction.

As KyleKat I believe that the only problem arising for a child will be if you treat this circumstance as a problem or a secret. Because the child will feel like there is something 'wrong' with the life you are leading and it will put the little one under pressure to keep this secret or to know that the whole family is in a bad way leading a 'different' life than all the others. If it's OK and the most natural thing to do for you, it will be the same for the child as well.
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  #312  
Old 07-29-2012, 01:14 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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"Incidentally... out of interest (not confrontation) - do you believe that it is wrong, or too difficult, to have children in a poly environment?"

Your tagline is basically my situation, except I'm 28 and have been in my vee for 3 years. My gf's baby just turned 1. I KNOW that having me in their lives has helped with their needs for babysitting, and I believe that 1) having me in his life as a loving, interested, engaged adult enhances the baby's life, and 2) having me in their lives helps, to some small degree in their struggle to maintain a functional, positive marriage during this trying first year with the baby.

So, I think it's easier, not harder.

Of course, you didn't qualify... perhaps you mean socially, not logistically? In our case, we're lucky enough to have friends who are just as out-there as we are, and family that is accepting if not necessarily whole-heartedly supportive.

As for the potential for future bullying, it's true, kids DO bully other kids for any reason at all... if it's not his parent's funny relationship, it could be his hair color or the way he dresses. At least if he gets bullied and I'm around, he'll have a third person to cry to. I mean, should gay people not raise kids because their kids might get bullied for it? Well, a study showed that the kids of lesbian couples are just as well-adjusted as the kids of straight couples, so I don't think there's much of an argument there.

Rather than trying to make our families more "normal", I think we need to try to make the world more accepting. If that means standing up to bullies (including older family members), I think that's a great things for kids to see and understand.
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  #313  
Old 07-29-2012, 04:12 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Rather than trying to make our families more "normal", I think we need to try to make the world more accepting. If that means standing up to bullies (including older family members), I think that's a great things for kids to see and understand.
That's awesome!


Right now, neither my wife and I have live in partners, and remain closeted with family, so I can't offer much experience wise to the issue with Granny. I'm sure it will come up eventually, since the kids WILL out us eventually, and we know it.

But similarly to what's been said already, we don't keep secrets from the kids, and we live our poly life at home as openly as possible. We don't change or hush the conversation when they enter the room, or change our terminology when talking about girlfriends. We've had them to poly camps where they've met other kids who have extra mommy's and daddy's. For us the conscious decision we made was to normalize poly as much as possible.

For our own concern with schools and such, we don't worry too much, since the kids are known to be very happy, outgoing and well adjusted...they get complimented on it frequently by teachers, family, friends, and strangers in the grocery store! So we're not too worried about whatever they may have to say because it's quite evident with our kids that they're growing up just fine regardless of what their parents private lives are like.

Your mileage may vary.
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  #314  
Old 07-29-2012, 07:02 PM
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Polyamory has only recently come to the attention of the scientific community, and there aren't a ton of studies at this point about how children are affected. The few that have been done show similar findings to those done on children raised by homosexual couples (of which there is a substantial amount of research). That being, in itself, polyamory has no affect on children. In studies done on families with homosexual parents, the only negative difference found is that children of gay people are exposed to more intolerance from individuals who do not approve of their parent's relationship. It's likely that further research will show similarities with the children of poly parents.

In short, it's a "people are ass holes" problem, not a "polyamory isn't healthy for children" problem. Not being polyamorous won't change the fact that some people are just dicks.

As far as Granny is concerned, I would bet a significant amount of money that if the poly thing wasn't an issue, she'd find something else to be upset about and still cause problems.
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  #315  
Old 07-29-2012, 07:14 PM
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You should read Redpepper's blog, or PM her about what she went through with her parents over the care of her son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
GF and hubby are in the process of getting the Godmother paperwork changed from Granny to me in the event of their death.
There is actually paperwork for godparents? And it matters? I always thought that was just a religious formality, and has no legal standing.
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  #316  
Old 07-31-2012, 03:50 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You should read Redpepper's blog, or PM her about what she went through with her parents over the care of her son.

There is actually paperwork for godparents? And it matters? I always thought that was just a religious formality, and has no legal standing.
There is both. Religiously has no bearing. My best friend is the godfather of my kids. He has no desire to raise them in the event of my untimely demise. However, you can appoint a godparent that would raise your child instead of your next of kin.
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  #317  
Old 08-01-2012, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
There is actually paperwork for godparents? And it matters? I always thought that was just a religious formality, and has no legal standing.
There is both. Religiously has no bearing. My best friend is the godfather of my kids. He has no desire to raise them in the event of my untimely demise. However, you can appoint a godparent that would raise your child instead of your next of kin.
Okay, you're talking about two different things.

Traditionally, as I've always understood it, the duty of godparents is to instruct a child in its parents' religion. That doesn't necessarily mean they would be raising the child.

One can appoint anybody you want to raise a child instead of relatives. Choosing a godparent is just one of the options. Godparenting is still only a church thing, and has no legal standing, at least in the US. Not knowing where sparklepop lives, I was wondering if there is more legality to the role of godparent wherever she is.

Selecting someone who also happens to be the kid's godparent to actually legally raise it is a separate issue from someone just being in the role of godparent.
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  #318  
Old 02-10-2013, 01:59 PM
twoplus1 twoplus1 is offline
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two men an me ivf is my only hope but anyone done it or know or heard of two different men being implanted at same time?
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  #319  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:33 PM
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I'm kinda hoping polyamory will be a solution to me wanting to have kids; Girlfriend doesn't want to have kids ever (and can't anyways), but I do want to have a husband one day as well as her, so maybe I can have kids with that fellow?

Then she won't have to be a mommy, and I get to be a mommy!
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  #320  
Old 02-10-2013, 11:58 PM
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Originally Posted by twoplus1 View Post
two men an me ivf is my only hope but anyone done it or know or heard of two different men being implanted at same time?
You can only inject one spermatozoon into an egg, then the egg goes into lock-down mode. But you could put the eggs into a sea of sperm from both men and let them duke it out.

Is it your own inability to conceive that requires you to consider IVF? Or the desire to have both men as fathers to the child without really "knowing" which one is biological? You could accomplish that the old-fashioned way.

Have you considered adoption? Plenty of kids need good homes, and that would eliminate the possibility of any father ever laying more "claim" to the child than the other.
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