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  #11  
Old 07-28-2012, 03:38 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Originally Posted by RunningMan View Post
You have a point, but isn't there something in this commitment about "for better or for worse?" My whole point is instead talking and working through it, lots of significant others just throw in the towel. Well what was the whole relationship built on anyway if this can break up your relationship without even trying to work through it? Did the partner bring something up that wasn't expected? Yes, they did, but things change. As a couple you should be willing to at least "work through" the changes. Then if you decide later that this is something that you simply cannot handle, then by all means call it quits. But to call it quits from the get go. Sorry to me that's utterly ridiculous.
How is knowing you can't handle poly any different than knowing you can't handle NOT being poly?
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  #12  
Old 07-28-2012, 04:21 PM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post
How is knowing you can't handle poly any different than knowing you can't handle NOT being poly?
I guess you will never know until you try, will you? Sometimes the abstract idea of things is harder to grasp than the concrete.
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  #13  
Old 07-28-2012, 05:00 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Originally Posted by RunningMan View Post
I guess you will never know until you try, will you? Sometimes the abstract idea of things is harder to grasp than the concrete.
I don't agree with this at all, but that's not the purpose of the thread.

Courious - Kudos for having "the talk." I'm sure it will be a struggle to transition, but I hope you find happiness in the long run.
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  #14  
Old 07-28-2012, 05:08 PM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I don't agree with this at all, but that's not the purpose of the thread.

Courious - Kudos for having "the talk." I'm sure it will be a struggle to transition, but I hope you find happiness in the long run.
PM me then, as I'm interested in hearing other people's take on things.
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  #15  
Old 07-29-2012, 02:33 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Originally Posted by RunningMan View Post
You have a point, but isn't there something in this commitment about "for better or for worse?
There's also something in there about forsaking all others.

Quote:
My whole point is instead talking and working through it, lots of significant others just throw in the towel. Well what was the whole relationship built on anyway if this can break up your relationship without even trying to work through it? Did the partner bring something up that wasn't expected? Yes, they did, but things change. As a couple you should be willing to at least "work through" the changes. Then if you decide later that this is something that you simply cannot handle, then by all means call it quits. But to call it quits from the get go.
And my point is that your attitude seems to be that it's a relatively minor thing. For those who went in expecting they'd both promised lifelong fidelity, it is not.

Quote:
Sorry to me that's utterly ridiculous.
To each his own.
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  #16  
Old 07-29-2012, 04:39 PM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
And my point is that your attitude seems to be that it's a relatively minor thing. For those who went in expecting they'd both promised lifelong fidelity, it is not.
I think that's where we are missing each other. My intention is not to turn it into a minor thing. If the relationship was important at all, how can someone just break with the other person without trying to work it out? That's the point I'm trying to make.
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  #17  
Old 07-29-2012, 05:54 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
With all due respect, I think that's really unfair. If someone makes a lifetime commitment to mutual fidelity and then years later gets told, "Hey, I want a boyfriend," this is a pretty MAJOR change in the terms of agreement and something almost no one would expect and most wouldn't want. I hardly think changing the most fundamental terms can be dismissed as such a little thing that they're 'using it as an excuse.'
It appears to be an excuse.

She hasn't gotten a boyfriend, she simply spoke to her desire to be involved with other people. Mentioning such a desire does *not* warrant breaking up immediately for any reasonable person. Can you say "gross overreaction"?

If he's so committed to the marriage, why would he toss it all aside simply because she said she'd like to change things? It certainly does appear that he's using what she said as an excuse to cover some disaffection on his part. He did say he'd been unhappy for a while---there ya go.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #18  
Old 07-29-2012, 06:40 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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A committed couple should be able to talk about their deeper feelings, wants, and needs without fear. It's just talk, after all, and hashing things out is what partnership is all about. That one partner's need for discussion on a difficult topic could threaten a marriage speaks more loudly about his level of commitment than hers.

OP, so sorry to know you're going through such a rough time right now, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel, though you probably don't see it yet!
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-29-2012 at 06:42 PM.
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  #19  
Old 07-29-2012, 08:28 PM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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Thanks AutumnalTone and nycindie, at least somebody shares the same perspective that I was trying to bring out.
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  #20  
Old 07-29-2012, 08:44 PM
JohnnyDangerously JohnnyDangerously is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
A committed couple should be able to talk about their deeper feelings, wants, and needs without fear. It's just talk, after all, and hashing things out is what partnership is all about. That one partner's need for discussion on a difficult topic could threaten a marriage speaks more loudly about his level of commitment than hers.

OP, so sorry to know you're going through such a rough time right now, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel, though you probably don't see it yet!
^^^^This.

And frankly, if sexual exclusivity is all your marriage/relationship is built upon, it's not very strong. Just MHO...
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