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  #1  
Old 07-25-2012, 01:52 PM
Courious Courious is offline
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Default Had the talk, hubby broke up with me

Yeah. So there's that. I feel free in some respects (not even just to be poly if I want) but I am also scared. It just happened last night so there's obviously a lot up in the air, but that's what happened.

He said he's been unhappy for a while and doesn't feel important to me anymore because I have a new business that I love and am great at. I think he's a little jealous, because he's been working on trying to start a business for years with his brother and it's so slow. That and he doesn't think we were ever right for each other.

So. That was my night.
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:55 PM
TequilaMockingbird TequilaMockingbird is offline
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Sounds like a rough night - but the free feeling is a positive. I hope it works out for the best.
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Old 07-26-2012, 02:42 AM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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That's unfortunate, sorry to hear that. Being in my own situation and coming close to breaking up, I'm starting to wonder if recipients of "The Poly" talk don't just use this as an excuse to break up.

I mean in my own situation, I mention I want an open relationship. This turns into how I'm such a horrible person and I don't really need you anyway. I mean if all these things were true, why didn't you want to break up with me earlier? Why now?

It's almost like they don't know how to take it, so they decide to do something drastic. Instead of saying something like, I love you so much, I can't stand to have you be with someone else, I need you in my life......NO.....

It's we shouldn't be together anyway, Go figure.............
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:04 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I'm sorry. Break ups, even best break ups, have some rough to ride.

But I'll hope for you that it is the best of break ups, and the rough is minimal as you navigate toward an amicable split.

*hug*

GG
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:20 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Hugs to you!

(Runningman-some people yes. But, my husband thought those things, didn't say them and struggled through staying and making it work)
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  #6  
Old 07-27-2012, 09:13 PM
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Skater21 Skater21 is offline
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So sorry to hear this. Hang in there, it sounds like you have a lot going for you and if your relationship wasn't strong enough to hold up to this... well I guess it just wasn't strong enough. I know that it doesn't help how you are feeling now, but at least you have your whole life ahead of you to make it whatever you want it to be. I know now that I am so much happier and so much better off than I was in my first marriage, it makes me wonder why it took so long to come apart. There is a better life out there for you. Make it whatever you want it to be. Hugs.
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Old 07-28-2012, 04:52 AM
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Mintcar Mintcar is offline
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I am so sorry that u are having such a hard time right now. Breakups after a long relationship are often scary. I am glad that u are living your truth though. U should be very proud as well. I wish I was so strong.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:02 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RunningMan View Post
I'm starting to wonder if recipients of "The Poly" talk don't just use this as an excuse to break up.
With all due respect, I think that's really unfair. If someone makes a lifetime commitment to mutual fidelity and then years later gets told, "Hey, I want a boyfriend," this is a pretty MAJOR change in the terms of agreement and something almost no one would expect and most wouldn't want. I hardly think changing the most fundamental terms can be dismissed as such a little thing that they're 'using it as an excuse.'

Quote:
Instead of saying something like, I love you so much, I can't stand to have you be with someone else, I need you in my life......NO.....

It's we shouldn't be together anyway, Go figure.............
But if two people want mutually exclusive things out of a relationship and it can't be resolved, then they shouldn't be together. I have to admit, had my ex-husband told me he wanted to date other women, I don't think I would have begged and pleaded with him about how much I loved him, because begging and pleading never turned anyone on.
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:34 AM
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Mintcar Mintcar is offline
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I have to agree with WhatHappened. To divulge to a long-term SO that u are interested in exploring polyamory is a huge deal, and one should be very proud of themselves for having the balls\ovaries to do it. Many people are not interested in this lifestyle and they shouldn't be villified for it. Everyone should have their lifestyle choices respected, as long as they are not hurting anyone in the process.
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Share home, parenting, and finances with family.

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  #10  
Old 07-28-2012, 03:24 PM
RunningMan RunningMan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
With all due respect, I think that's really unfair. If someone makes a lifetime commitment to mutual fidelity and then years later gets told, "Hey, I want a boyfriend," this is a pretty MAJOR change in the terms of agreement and something almost no one would expect and most wouldn't want. I hardly think changing the most fundamental terms can be dismissed as such a little thing that they're 'using it as an excuse.'
You have a point, but isn't there something in this commitment about "for better or for worse?" My whole point is instead talking and working through it, lots of significant others just throw in the towel. Well what was the whole relationship built on anyway if this can break up your relationship without even trying to work through it? Did the partner bring something up that wasn't expected? Yes, they did, but things change. As a couple you should be willing to at least "work through" the changes. Then if you decide later that this is something that you simply cannot handle, then by all means call it quits. But to call it quits from the get go. Sorry to me that's utterly ridiculous.
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