Smelling the flowers
I guess I should start with a list of characters. I'll start with the two principal players, my fiance and me, as I don't expect either one of us to be cut from the script.
Twitch: my fiance. 40 year old male. IT Security Auditor. Bald, lean, metrosexual with some of the coolest shoes ever owned by a white boy.
Me: 47 years old. Computer programmer. Mother of three. Grandmother of one. Fit, but curvy, brunette.
Shasti: 39 female. Twitch's gf. She is also involved with Orville [Wright] (teehee, he's a pilot among other things, so I couldn't resist.)
Piper: 43 male. Graphic Designer. My interest. It's too new to put a title on anything yet. But there is a lot of potential for something.
Backstory: Twitch and I have been together for 13.5 years, engaged for 1 year, our wedding is slated for 10.2012. First twelve years of our life together were ho-hum, but the past 20 months have been an adventure as we've redefined our relationship; first by introducing BDSM and more recently by opening up our relationship to polyamory.
We were first exposed to polyamory and other forms of non-monogamy via the kink community. Our first explorations into consensual nonmongamy were two foursomes with two couples on two separate occassions. From there the idea of becoming polyamorous took root.
NOTE: Shasti and Orville were one of the couples we had a foursome with.
Of the two of us, I was more interested in poly than Twitch was for several reasons:
1.) He didn't see how he'd ever be able to fit another relationship into his life, because his job takes him away from home 3 to 4 nights per week and weekends were filled with household chores and doing things with me.
2.) The guy is so damn loyal, bless his heart.
I, on the otherhand, have the time to pursue outside relationships because of his job. Plus, this fall we'll be empty nesters and I'll have even more time to fill.
One of the biggest draws for me was that I was not ready to be married again. I was so scared that as soon as the ring was on my finger I'd be looking for the nearest exit. I hoped that by having the option to create outside relationships that I could stay in the one I was already in. Perhaps that's a bit messed up, but having been divorced once before and being practical about the low success rate of marriages and the high incident rate of cheating my logic made sense to me.
Twitch and I established rules and guidelines: background checks, safe calls for first meetings, safer sex practices, STD/STI testing, no sex in our bed, etc.
Man, it's hard to go back and fill in the details. Let's see, on Mother's Day Twitch drove to Shasti's city - it's a big windy one - for an overnight visit. Shasti is a pediatrician and she has Monday's off. I was a bit perturbed that he had no qualms about taking off on Mother's Day, but truth be told he doesn't really do a damn thing for me on that day anyhow. We had taken my youngest son out for breakfast and he had scattered as young adults do, so the day was pretty much free.
I felt so left out. I like Shasti. We kissed and did a wee bit of sapphic loving that one time. My time home alone while he was with her lasted forever! I just wanted to be with them. I have this party girl personality; I want to be included in everything. I was the kid who always rode along to the grocery store. Pathetic, I know. Good news is that I survived!
I was so jazzed to hear about his experiences and a bit surprised by the angst he shared as we worked on the yard the following weekend. It was like having a view of what he must have gone through when we hooked up years ago. Poor boy. I loved hearing how he was processing things and I was amazed with how open he was with me about his feelings. It was such an odd feeling to be hoping so much that she liked him. Kind of protective like a mother bear feeling.
Meanwhile, I was having to learn to not be secretive when corresponding or having OKC open. Old habits die hard. I knew I was allowed, but it still felt like something that should be done covertly. And even now I still don't care to have him walk up and read over my shoulder. At that point in time he was having a hard time thinking of me dating others. He was so critical of everyone's profile and didn't trust anyone an inch. He had no faith in my judgement whatsoever. Arg. Yeah, you could see the green from across the room.
The first guy I started seeing was way too young for me. Let's call him the BoyToy. I had originally blown the BoyToy off on OKC, even though we had super high percentages on match and friend. He caught me on IM and made me feel guilty that I was dissing him strictly over age, so I caved and met him. We clicked. We saw each other for about 5-6 weeks, but in the end the age difference was just too much and he ended it, much to my relief. LOL.
The first weeks were so hard knowing what to share with Twitch, what would be too much, and what was too little. I wanted to be able to share like he had with me, but I wasn't used to operating like that and also he wasn't ready. Not knowing was killing him and knowing was also killing him. Gak. Touchy times.
So, let's fast forward through some of this stuff. Twitch has seen Shasti once a month since May. Let's count them; that's three overnight stays. Not hard math, but I didn't want to tax anyone.
On my end, I have had seen Piper twice. Our first date lasted four hours. Piper said that he broke one of his cardinal rules for first dates which is they only are allowed 1 - 1.5 hours of time. The conversation flowed and the night ended with a very sweet kiss. Our second date was not really a date-date. Piper has recently bought a condo and is in the middle of ripping the entire thing apart. Our date basically consisted of me taking the tour and then we went to the rooftop garden and enjoyed the view and talked for the next couple of hours. I don't expect to get a lot of Piper's time between now and when he has to be out of his apartment and into the condo on August 11th. That kind of blows because Twitch was gone for training last week, this week he's in D.C. for a tech committe he's on, and next week he's gone the whole week for work. So much time alone.
So, there you have it. Or at least a high level view of us. I'll reveal our flaws in the next installment.
|cohabitation, living situation, living together, new poly, polyamorous|