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  #11  
Old 10-30-2011, 02:51 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Another thought: actually, NYCindie, I don't know any monogamous people who maintain contact with old lovers/exes.

In fact, most people I know think an ex is someone who should not be in your life at all. And that even if you had a good relationship with someone, it's "your past" and moving on means having no contact whatsoever. Part of what has drawn me to polyamory is that I find that attitude totally bizarre.

By coincidence, I was just about to post a question / discussion about this very issue, which I will do...
I am still friends with a couple of my ex's from high school, in particular, my first love. It took a while for me to understand the reality behind our breakup and realize that things would never have worked for us in the long run, but we've kept in touch for the last 14 years and he's finally found the relationship that he's meant to be in.
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  #12  
Old 10-30-2011, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by aggression72 View Post
Started dating a woman recently who said she is not interested in a poly household yet maintains some contact with old lovers and describes herself as a slut and I believe is holding onto the feelings she derived through sex with her old lovers.

Just open to anyone's general thoughts. Is she poly? Is she something else? Anyone have a previous experience that's similar and any advice the best way to handle.

Also, I am Dominant and she is submissive and we enjoy BDSM, but this ads a different aspect to the relationship.
there is a difference between being poly and wanting a poly household. Maybe she thinks that you can only be poly if you want to co-habitate with all of your partners, raise kids together, etc. I know that I've been in a successful poly quad for going on 3 years and we don't live together or raise our kids together and we certainly don't plan on having more kids with each other. We only get date night with our female parter once or twice a year as her schedule doesn't leave much room for date nights period (she's an author and has a day job as an editor). Maybe it would be helpful to understand what her definition of poly is and what exactly you are looking for.
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  #13  
Old 07-25-2012, 12:38 AM
free2be free2be is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aggression72 View Post
Started dating a woman recently who said she is not interested in a poly household yet maintains some contact with old lovers and describes herself as a slut and I believe is holding onto the feelings she derived through sex with her old lovers.

Just open to anyone's general thoughts. Is she poly? Is she something else? Anyone have a previous experience that's similar and any advice the best way to handle.

Also, I am Dominant and she is submissive and we enjoy BDSM, but this ads a different aspect to the relationship.
look I am nO expert on being poly, My wife sprung this on me to be honest , and I am still trying to get my head around this.
that being said i do not have to be an expert on poly to know that when a woman likes to refer to herself as a slut or a bitch that means they are trying to attain that name, for themselves and have absolutely no interest in your best interests. mark my words anyone who prides themselves in their own degradation , needs serious help.

that being said < Is there any info for newbies to this polyamorous thing , because Im scared my wife will have a woman over and Ill have a stroke.
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  #14  
Old 07-25-2012, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by free2be View Post
. . . i do not have to be an expert on poly to know that when a woman likes to refer to herself as a slut or a bitch that means they are trying to attain that name, for themselves and have absolutely no interest in your best interests. mark my words anyone who prides themselves in their own degradation , needs serious help.
This is an ignorant statement. Obviously you have never heard of the book "The Ethical Slut" (about polyamory) and are unaware of the "movement" in recent years to reclaim the word "slut"and turn it around into a positive term to embrace and celebrate one's sexuality and active sex life, in the same way that gay people reclaimed the word "queer."

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Originally Posted by free2be View Post
that being said < Is there any info for newbies to this polyamorous thing , because Im scared my wife will have a woman over and Ill have a stroke.
What, exactly, are you afraid of? I suggest you start your own discussion thread and provide some more details about your relationship if you are seeking advice.
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