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Old 07-23-2012, 06:00 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 212
Default Playing with fire....

I've recently become involved with a married woman who I met under the pretext of her being in a polyamorous relationship. Upon further discussion, it became apparent that they had only discussed being poly as theory, and that in reality had a long way to go in communication and negotiations before they'd be ready to open their marriage (on his side, not hers - she is raring to go).

I am extremely attracted to this woman; she is my ideal girlfriend both internally and externally, and I am drawn to her like a moth to a flame. The feeling is mutual, and she is not shy in expressing her desires to explore a relationship with me.

Her husband is not yet on board. He has granted her permission to be friends with me, and we're spending a fair amount of time together - we txt, go for walks, have gone to cultural events, and she is having me over for dinner tonight. I have to fight the urge not to touch her, kiss her, and I'll admit that I have been communicative about these struggles with her. She delights in our mutual attraction, and I can only imagine how hard she is pushing her husband to come around to her way of thinking.

Having just experienced being on his side of things (in a slightly different, but still similar way) in a recent relationship with my husband (Elemental) and his now ex-girlfriend, I am treading cautiously forward with her. In some ways I am relieved that she has decided to fall for me, as it means that I can help her have integrity and patience with her husband as she negotiates the idea of non-monogamy with him. From what I understand she/they are discussing the possibility of both of them being able to date, but that his preferred comfort zones would be with her dating one woman, and possibly having a threesome with said woman at some point (which I am open to, and Elemental is fine with). They seem to be a long ways away from this point.

So my question is - would you pursue a friendship with someone, knowing that it's too soon to have the relationship that you ultimately desire with them? Is it too dangerous to spend time with someone that you share an incredible amount of physical attraction with under the guise of friendship? Is it a ticking time bomb that could ultimately drive her and her husband apart from the sheer pressure of ever-present-desire for a different way of being? Am I playing with fire and putting a long term relationship in jeopardy here?

She's made it clear that if I want to slip up and be naughty with her that she is fully on board. I won't do that, but it concerns me that she would - I know she wants what I want, but to me integrity, honesty, and moving at a reasonable pace seem like the smart long term moves.

Curious as to what other people's take will be on it.
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Tags
integrity, negotiations, opening up, opening up a marriage

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