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  #11  
Old 07-23-2012, 01:08 AM
lace3232 lace3232 is offline
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I am in your husbands shoes right now in my marriage. Just FYI I went ahead and let my husband go for it even when I didn't want to. I beleive that just one person can make the other happy if they are truelly meant for one another I guess my question is this if you didn't have kids would u just go have extra marital relationship and tell ur husband to take a leap if he didn't like it or chose to just be with him? I know kids complicate it all. And why do u need more than one person? I'm trying to understand my husband and I just hit a mental wall.
Also is it just physical attraction to this other guy that has u curious? my husband mentioned sex getting old between two people an I can agree with that and additional sex partners for fun while together I can agree with but the need to become emotionally involved with someone else it's bound to ruin ur marriage some how I would think. I hope u and ur husband find a common ground but if he is thinking like me it's gonna be a hard road ahead
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  #12  
Old 07-23-2012, 02:50 AM
Courious Courious is offline
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Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
I am in your husbands shoes right now in my marriage. Just FYI I went ahead and let my husband go for it even when I didn't want to. I beleive that just one person can make the other happy if they are truelly meant for one another I guess my question is this if you didn't have kids would u just go have extra marital relationship and tell ur husband to take a leap if he didn't like it or chose to just be with him? I know kids complicate it all. And why do u need more than one person? I'm trying to understand my husband and I just hit a mental wall.
Also is it just physical attraction to this other guy that has u curious? my husband mentioned sex getting old between two people an I can agree with that and additional sex partners for fun while together I can agree with but the need to become emotionally involved with someone else it's bound to ruin ur marriage some how I would think. I hope u and ur husband find a common ground but if he is thinking like me it's gonna be a hard road ahead
I can love more than one person at a time. And I don't want to have to hide that from my husband. I am grieving right now, I feel as though I'll have to choose and I so don't want to do that.

I didn't choose to be like this, and if I could make myself just be in love with my husband and forget about other people, I would. It's so hard.
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  #13  
Old 07-23-2012, 03:30 AM
lace3232 lace3232 is offline
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so what ur saying is that u love ur husband but ur not in love anymore? Im new to all this so is that where the poly comes in? that everyone wants that new in love feeling and their marriage is good just bland? if that is so shouldn't u be straight with ur husband? I have tried to get mine to be straight with me the distrust is almost worse than the actual gf thing. He swears he loves me now more than ever and that he is in love with me but I just don't know because of how everything transpired. (emotions were not part of our original agreement and i found them telling eachother "I love u" can't imagine life without u" in text messages. I had a mini breakdown after that it wasn't pretty. My suggestion for u is to give ur husband the gods honest truth and let him decide the worst he can do is say no and probably not trust u but if ur grieving for the person u want to be then be who u want but live with the consequences. it's crazy how we are on opposite sides but almost feel the same way. Like our life isn't what we want for ourselves. I sacrificed my happiness for my husband to be happy and it's about done me in. I hope u and ur husband find that happy medium for the sake of ur family
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  #14  
Old 07-23-2012, 03:58 AM
Courious Courious is offline
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Originally Posted by lace3232 View Post
so what ur saying is that u love ur husband but ur not in love anymore? Im new to all this so is that where the poly comes in? that everyone wants that new in love feeling and their marriage is good just bland? if that is so shouldn't u be straight with ur husband? I have tried to get mine to be straight with me the distrust is almost worse than the actual gf thing. He swears he loves me now more than ever and that he is in love with me but I just don't know because of how everything transpired. (emotions were not part of our original agreement and i found them telling eachother "I love u" can't imagine life without u" in text messages. I had a mini breakdown after that it wasn't pretty. My suggestion for u is to give ur husband the gods honest truth and let him decide the worst he can do is say no and probably not trust u but if ur grieving for the person u want to be then be who u want but live with the consequences. it's crazy how we are on opposite sides but almost feel the same way. Like our life isn't what we want for ourselves. I sacrificed my happiness for my husband to be happy and it's about done me in. I hope u and ur husband find that happy medium for the sake of ur family
I am in love with my husband. I just don't feel like he meets all my needs and wants, and I only have one life. I want it to be as full of love, understanding, and fun as possible. And for a lot of reasons, some being our life situation, some being his personality, I can't get all of it from him.
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  #15  
Old 07-24-2012, 08:50 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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I beleive that just one person can make the other happy if they are truelly meant for one another [...] And why do u need more than one person? I'm trying to understand my husband and I just hit a mental wall.
What you are saying here isn't that unusual. We often talk about folks' "mental wiring". there are some that tend to be wireds more towards a monogamous way of thinking, and others that are wired towards a polamorous way.

A so-called "mono" person believes that the only reason that someone may love more than one person is because of some flaw or defect in them. This isn't the way a poly person thinks at all. Everybody has flaws, for one thing - but even if they didn't, even if there were some mythical "perfect" person out there, a poly person would still be capable of loving them and others.

The idea that someone can be "everything" to another person also doesn't compute for poly folk. We are all individuals and can enjoy the differences between us. The love that we feel for each person isn't some sort of substitute for the love we feel for another. Poly folks talk about the capacity for infinite love - just because they love someone else doesn't mean that they love you less - the amount of love that we have isn't a piece of pie that gets divided between those interested. In fact, for me, I love my partner even more because I have other partners (and I am very much "in love" with both of my partners).

This so-called mono/poly" relationship has been discussed often on here and in other places - a tag search may give you more information, if you are curious.
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