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Old 07-22-2012, 10:05 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
As for "real" people, though, I've had very small amounts of crushes over my lifetime, and while I enjoyed them as they were, there was always that question "could something come out of this?" and I always knew that if I didn't get an answer I would get frustrated.
I guess it's the idea that I don't even give it a try, that I give up before I even start. That maybe the guy likes me or would like me, and that we could have a fulfilling relationship, but I'm not giving it a chance.
As I said, I don't get crushes often. If I let this pass, it could be years before I mean someone else I'm willing to have a relationship with. I'm very happy with Seamus and I wouldn't be miserable or anything having only him in my life, but the later I meet someone, the less time we can spend together.

I also have a couple of friends who are getting married in August. When they met, they had a crush on each other for 7 whole years before they realised they both liked each other. I can't help but look at it and think, I don't want to lose 7 years like they did. 7 years could very well be the whole relationship, too. I don't think a relationship needs to last forever, but I want to enjoy the time it does have.

I do tend to overthink things, though, it's true.
Just wanted to say that I totally get what you are saying here. I also do not "crush" very easily (and tend to overthink things - hence the length of my posts).

There are plenty of people that I find intellectually or sexually attractive and I can just enjoy my attraction and sexual fantasies there with no urge to actually get closer to the person or envision myself in any sort of relationship with them - I don't consider these "crushes".

Once every three or four years I will develop a "small crush" on someone - for instance I will meet someone through a mutual friend say at a party and we will flirt and have an interesting conversation, I will entertain brief "what if" fantasies and get excited if I learn that they will be at the next get together but make no effort to see or talk to them in the meantime. These "small crushes" generally burn themselves out after an additional social encounter or two. (Turns out that I don't actually like too many people.)

I've had two "big crushes" in my life - 19 years apart - the two men I am with now. In the "crushing" phase I found myself going out of my way to be someplace that they were going to be or finding some excuse to talk to them. I would wonder how they felt about me and replay our conversations to myself for any sign that they had an interest in me. I would find myself distracted...so, yeah, passing up on pursuing either of these possibilities would have been a serious loss.

For the record - I am an introvert (INTJ). I am much more comfortable relating to most people on an intellectual or sexual rather than emotional level. By the time I admit to myself that I have actually developed feelings for someone (you know - all both times it has happened) it has been obvious to others for quite some time. Actually acknowledging those feelings, or - god-forbid - talking about them takes a LOT longer.

Perhaps people who are better at "emoting" would consider themselves "crushing" in those cases where I am only acknowledging sexual attraction?

Jane("Not-very-crushy")Q
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 07-22-2012 at 10:09 PM.
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