There are plenty of people that I find intellectually or sexually attractive and I can just enjoy my attraction and sexual fantasies there with no urge to actually get closer to the person or envision myself in any sort of relationship with them - I don't consider these "crushes".
Once every three or four years I will develop a "small crush" on someone - for instance I will meet someone through a mutual friend say at a party and we will flirt and have an interesting conversation, I will entertain brief "what if" fantasies and get excited if I learn that they will be at the next get together but make no effort to see or talk to them in the meantime. These "small crushes" generally burn themselves out after an additional social encounter or two. (Turns out that I don't actually like too many people.)
I've had two "big crushes" in my life - 19 years apart - the two men I am with now. In the "crushing" phase I found myself going out of my way to be someplace that they were going to be or finding some excuse to talk to them. I would wonder how they felt about me and replay our conversations to myself for any sign that they had an interest in me. I would find myself distracted...so, yeah, passing up on pursuing either of these possibilities would have been a serious loss.
For the record - I am an introvert (INTJ). I am much more comfortable relating to most people on an intellectual or sexual rather than emotional level. By the time I admit to myself that I have actually developed feelings for someone (you know - all both times it has happened) it has been obvious to others for quite some time. Actually acknowledging those feelings, or - god-forbid - talking about them takes a LOT longer.
Perhaps people who are better at "emoting" would consider themselves "crushing" in those cases where I am only acknowledging sexual attraction?
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 07-22-2012 at 10:09 PM.