New and Confused
New here and have quite a story to tell:
I guess its best to start at the begining. I've been with my current boyfriend for 5+ years. We've been pretty monogamous for the most part with the exception of one swinging event which had been with his ex. ( Im Bi, and she was a cutie)
From day one my boyfriend told me that he was a swinger, and polyamarous. I was naive and just nodded and smiled. And did I forget to mention I was a virgin prior to getting with him? So never had sex before, and low an behold in a full blown relationship.
The rules of which were never set. And ive always been the non-jealous type. I assumed this meant should he want to pursue another female he would as long as he comes home to me I didnt care.
Until recently I didnt quite understand how anyone could be poly. I assumed love was bounded into one person. I could only love my boyfriend and would love him regardless of if he wanted other girls.
But he has yet to look for another girlfriend while with me..
Lets get a little more current.
About 6 months ago My boyfriend started in a band. He became the drummer for the band and I routeenly went along to his practices at the lead singers home.
All the band members would meet up there and jam for the evening.
And while I got along well with all the band members...
I started feeling quite the attraction to the lead singer almost instantly.
It isnt one sided. Ive been told before by the singer he loves me but cares enough to not wanna put me in a bad position with my boyfriend.
Over the course of the 6 months I have grown close to the singer while my boyfriend ( the drummer ) grew more and more disillusioned with the band. Now my boyfriend has quit the band and while the singer wishes to remain friends with him, my boyfriend has admitted more than once to me his dislike for him.
So when I broke down and admitted what I was feeling, and the fact I wanted something more with this singer I got met with a very cold and angry reaction. ( He almost walked out on me because I admited this. )
I never once said I wanted to leave my boyfriend for this man. I love my boyfriend of 5+ years very much. But I've learned how big my heart is and have established to myself that I am polyamarous.
Why is it alright for him to believe in poly, but turn around and tell me I cannot be this way with the one person I feel such another strong attraction for. its become very painful for me.. I love my boyfriend very much, but I feel he is forcing me to repress a part of myself now..
He told me " I wouldnt care if was any other man but HIM" but I do not believe him. Hes already admitted he expects me to be poly with another woman but since he isnt bi and doesnt like men he doesnt want me getting other male lovers.
I dont agree. I think you cant help who you fall in love with ..
But now this has turned into an obsession..